Would you be disappointed if your teenage daughters wore barely any clothes posing on social media

We don't get to choose how our kids turn out. Some of their life choices are down to our parenting, many are not. Parading on the internet in scanty clothes is not great - but there are lots of things they could be doing that would be worse.

So even if there are worse things out there, doesn't mean that this is still ok. I would be very disappointed and tell my dd so.

Yanbu, I have a dd and I would be quite happy to tell her a few truths about carrying herself like comes across. Not just from an employment perspective but in general.

Agree.

I find the word ‘disappointed’ very interesting. I can’t imagine a scenario when I would use this word about my children.

Obviously this trend is abhorrent, but all you can do is instil some truths in your daughters:

• recruiters look at social media so this will harm your prospects
• once pictures are on the internet they are there forever and can be shared ANYWHERE
• if you care about freedom and equality in general for women then you won’t add to the objectification of them in this way

My older teen girls don’t do this, but this is how I would tackle it if they did.

I wouldn’t ever use the word ‘disappointed’ though. It makes it sound all about you.

I wouldn't be "disappointed", I would be ashamed and absolutely furious if my DD thought that little of herself that getting her kit off so men get completely the wrong message was the best she had to offer the world.

If she has no respect for herself how can she expect me or anyone else to have any?

If the pose /clothing combination is supposed to provoke a sexual response in the viewer it's pornographic. Like lots of dance videos are pornographic.

I can sit in a bikini on a beach and it's just clothes. In the same bikini a totally different set of poses/angles /movements, it is pornographic.

You might personally have moved onto pornography only being complete nudity whilst having sex.

But that's not actually the only definition

You're judging her. Just stop.

I agree absolutely it doesn’t make them thick. However, it does indicate that they are being exploited by a system that is driven by male desires. Could you imagine a poster talking about their 19yr old son doing this? It would very rare. Why is it just young women who feel they need to do this and dress it up as their own empowered choice.

Unfortunately I think this is young women who haven’t yet understood how the world pressures women to perform for men. I see it as similar to when I was 16/17 and thought I needed to go out in skimpy clothes with no coat etc - but now there is a permanent record online rather than just a brief phase you learn from. Anyone could use those images. It’s very naive. Possibly your friend is naive to that too.

I hate seeing young women like this - most are just keeping up with what they think is cool and trendy right now and gets the most attention. They are waiting to go viral for something they do - then they will have made it 🥴

I hate the massive influence social media / reality tv / z list wanna be celebrity shows have had in the last few years. They have normalised so much that is harmful for our kids and we haven’t seen the full impact of it yet. The true and long lasting damage will be seen in a few years time sadly.

So many influencer/content creator fall apart after a few years and suffer from bad mental health and breakdowns and all sorts.

It's really downmarket. Sends all the wrong messages.

A posed image online usually includes some form of clothing and we are past the "What the Butler Saw" era of little clothing being considered pornographic

It is weird to complain about objectification whilst reducing them down to their looks as if showing off online makes you a dumb Bimbo overnight

Omg fuck me, that is the complete definition of TMI! Eek, is that what Facebook has descended to these days? Family member posting post sex pictures on their newsfeed?! I'm glad I came off it.

I think the issue is there have always been people who are exhibitionists and everything is about them; so social media has just given them a free, quick and easy platform. Prior to that you'd get shown their pictures if you met up with them but that was it. Now it's everywhere.

So... what you're saying is it's NOT done for the male gaze?

Boys will post topless, flexing to show off their six packs and muscles.
They will also pose in a way to directly accentuate their crotches

That is exactly my point-

As I said in my post: 'she still wears clothes and makeup that I think misrepresent her.
It doesn't mean to them what it means to us. We [us older women] have to accept that.'

To me, her way of representing herself sends a message that is different from what the message means to her. That is my point.

When you say she is 'allowed to try different things' you are misunderstanding me: I am already saying that.
I probably wasn't clear.

Whereas you'll actually find lots of replies are from women. And their female friends telling them they look good. How jealous they are of their legs/boobs/bum etc.

Young women, surprise surprise, don't all dress for what men will say but what makes them feel good.

(Yes, some women online might be men. That's why it's important to teach Internet safety and you can never be sure whose who online)

19/20 year olda aren't school girls FFS. Stop infantalising them

Also saying it’s fine because it’s ‘their choice’ is really problematic imo. Firstly because it’s obviously not an entirely free choice, it’s a choice influenced by culture, capitalism, upbringing etc. Second because other people’s choices affect all of us in shaping our culture. Thirdly and possibly mostly importantly, because more and more choice and freedom is not an unequivocal good. There are downsides to more freedom, the most obvious being that it actually doesn’t always make people happier. Restrictions and obligations contribute to our wellbeing.

It isn't the women expressing concern who are objectifyng these young women, is it? They know their neices and daughters are more than just bodies for men to leer at, hence pointing out their intelligence and other qualities. Problem is, creepy men ogling them couldn't care less about those qualities, they're just a body and an object to them, and it's that that many of us find distasteful and concerning. We don't want men to look at our daughters and see nothing but a body existing for their pleasure, and for that to be their primary value, and by extension the value of all women. This isn't or shouldn't be about women attacking women. It's about women objecting to a practise and trend that we believe is harmful to us all. The game not the player.

I have twin teens and monitor their socials. They all cover their faces for posts. They're a bit younger though. They don't want a digital footprint. The message has well and truly got through but I think there is a group in the middle for whom it was all so new and exciting they got carried away and don't realise the implications of their posts.

I think it’s fine to be a bit judgemental. If there was no such thing as social judgment we’d all be brawling naked in the streets. It serves a purpose.

I think parenting is really important in cases like this. When they’re 19 you can’t forbid it but if you’ve spent their childhood instilling the right values (including a degree of respect for your opinion), they are less likely to do it.

It's monetised.

The problem is, they won't always have sexy young bodies. If they're defining their worth by this admiration, they will be in for a shock when, by the shallow standards of the sort of person who likes ogling teenagers, they become 'old and unsexy'.

It's the posting on social media aspect though thats a bit different.

What is the difference between a pornagraphic image and a posed image a 20 year old has put online 'exploring her desirability'

How would you deal with it op out of interest? Do you have a 16 year old girl?