To keep him away from kids’ events?

You’ve got to get over this. He is married to her and still deserves a relationship with his kids. And so, to a certain extent, does she.
He should attend their important events and taking her is only natural.

Have you posted about this before, OP? If you did, then as I recall you got similar responses the last time.

Get over yourself and put your children and their relationship with their father (and step-mother) first.

And given your behaviour and attitude here I can fully see why he left.

You are condemning him for not doing stuff and then condemning him and blocking his invokvement when is is trying.

Again. Get over yourself

My exH was a terrible husband but I’ve never stopped him being at events and more recently he brings his wife.
I’m friends with his wife on Facebook and he’s a much better husband to her.
I don’t think you should be calling the shots here, I think him turning up with or without her is there business, you only need to be concerned your child has both parents there.

Because he is a grown up and it is not about you

You quite clearly are jealous and I’ll repeat, the only person you’re hurting is your son.

he will one day grow up and know that you put your feelings and pride before his and resent you for it.

I'm sorry OP but you're just coming across as the jealous ex. They're married now so you need to get over it and put your children first. Imagine how they'll feel when they find out daddy couldn't come to something as their step mum wasn't allowed. It'll be you who looks bad.

It’s not really down to you and whether you want to see his wife or not. He’s entitled to have a new partner and he is entitled to build a relationship with his children.

You don’t have to talk to the pair of them besides basic politeness but for the sake of your DC you do have to allow them meaningful contact with their other parent. It will mean so much to them growing up to have a proper bond with their DF, and that will only happen if he knows important things about their life and is involved in their big moments. I totally get that you don’t want to do it, and you don’t feel like he deserves it, but neither of you are the main person in this - the most important person is your DC, who didn’t ask for you to split up or fall out.

Affair or no affair grow the fuck up. You can't force someone to marry you if they dont want to. Move on and stop punishing your poor kids

Why should he have to though, apart from to stop your jealousy?

What double standards are you accusing people of?

I’m not sure why you’re posting, you’re completely sure you’re right despite what everyone’s saying. Do you want to find a way to change your approach and don’t know how to back pedal gracefully? Or has someone told you you’re being daft and you want to justify your position to strangers?

He doesn’t need your permission to attend events with or without his wife.

You are behaving appallingly.

You arr being petty. Jealous and frankly ridiculously immature.

You need to get over yourself.

The only person you are hurting is your ds

@Brightspark3

"He does but the letters etc all come to me. I’ve said before he can go to things but she can’t and he said no it’s his wife and they come as a package."

This is NOT for you to dictate.

Come on OP, he's married but he's still their Dad and his wife IS part of their lives whether you like it or not, just as your DH or partner would be.

How long ago did you two break up? Have you not started seeing other men yet?

Exactly I imagine they won't even be sitting anywhere near you OP. No one will care how they got together

You definitely are jealous, it's dripping from your posts. It's obviously really difficult for you, and I'm sorry for that, but you really need to try to put your feelings aside for the sake of your DC.

It's his wife. It's up to him whether he gets to bring her along.

As another pp you need to grow up.

It's not even relevant, they want to watch his child, not you

I think he should be able to go on his own or with his wife to see his kids in events - surely if they stay with him they're around his wife all the time?

Honestly it sucks to be in your shoes, but your children are the ones missing out when you make rules like this.

The thing with kids is that you can only control how they see the world for a very limited period of time, then they grow up, look back, and see things as they actually were.

Just now you're banning him from events and look like the parent who shows up, but in the future your kids will 100% find out that their dad and step-mum wanted to be there and you banned them through sheer jealousy because he married someone else.

If you sit back and let him get on with it then he may well show himself to be a crap dad, and that's on him, and the kids will see that too, or he may have turned a new leaf and be amazing and the kids will have a lovely step mum too, which can only benefit them.

Right now you're denying them a loving relationship with their dad and step-mum out of spite.