To keep him away from kids’ events?

We're old school, all paper. The odd thing on an app but nothing major.

My mum met another partner after my parents split- my Dad did not. They have had to both attend many events over the years- graduations and weddings at the least. My mum left him but it was not a good relationship truthfully and my Dad didn't treat her terribly well. I'm sure it is hard for my Dad to see her with her new husband, but you know what, he has sucked it up and been civil and made polite conversation at every event they have had to both attend. I had my Dad, Mum and Stepfather on the top table with me at my wedding and there was no atmosphere. My Stepfather and me have our own family relationship now and he has helped me out with some DIY at my house and even made a small donation towards my wedding- he is not a bad man at all, and my life is richer for having him in it as well as my parents.

In short, you are hurting your sons with your jealousy, and it is incredibly unfair to them. You need to see her as what she now is- a bonus parent for them. It can enrich their lives too if you can start putting them first. One day they will realise you are hurting their relationship with their dad and they will judge you for it- you might even end up pushing them away altogether. If they bond with their stepmother and you start being weird about things like her being there for graduations or weddings you might find its you that isn't invited as its you that isn't playing fair. You have an opportunity to change that but it's got to come from some real soul searching from you. It's not about YOU it's about your BOYS.

I know it's hard when he's turning up with the other woman loved up and you're single but apparently you're happy to not have him, so it's time to move on. I'm aiming you've been split a while if he's married.

There’s no reason he can’t go with his wife other than your horrible spite. Grow up and get a life.

Aren’t school events communicated via email nowadays?

DS’s school never sends letters, everything is via email and both parents can be contacts. Both DH and I receive them.

You need to put this behind you, OP.

You can't ban a parent from bringing their partner to a school event. More fool him for letting you control him still.

And there's no reason why he can't bring his wife. You are in the wrong and in a very few years your child will judge you for this behaviour.

Are you really that confident that you keeping him away because of let's be honest your ego will be accepted by your child?

But OP that was all in the past and you really ought to be over him by now.

You weren't The One. She is, presumably. That hurts of course, not many on here will not have experienced heartbreak so we know how it feels until you get over it.

The jealousy you are evidencing is destructive to YOUR wellbeing. It's not hurting him or her whatsoever is it, just you.

He's a shit Dad but he's still their Dad. She's his wife so part of their lives and their children are half siblings to yours. Your kids relationships with her and their children are really important.

For your kids sake AND YOURS let go of your jealousy so you can move forward with your life.

Yeah you are doing your kids a disservice here. You need to find a way to get over this.

There's no reason why he should go alone. None whatsoever.

@Brightspark3 there's no reason he has to go alone.

He doesn't want too, thats the point

And you cant have any say in it unfortunately

He doesn't need to go alone and he doesn't need your permission.

I strongly suspect you'll change your tune if you ever get a new partner. He will be at all the events.

I can understand that hurting and that you feel upset that he didn't get his back together for you but you now need to put your kids first. Polite indifference at school events etc. you are letting him have more head space than he deserves.

I'm not really sure how you're not letting I'm come really as he could just turn up with her? You'd have no warning.

The best revenge is to live well.

Smile, even though it's tough. Be friendly, though it's killing you inside. Take the higher ground. I know it will hurt and I'm so sorry that he has hurt you so badly. I'm so sorry that he wasn't mature enough to be the husband and father that he now appears to be.

But insisting that his wife can't see your child risks you looking petty and hurt, and he doesn't need to see your vulnerability and your child dooesn't need to see it either.

Live well and show everyone that you can do this. I promise you that in time it will sting less, you will feel better and your child will grow up proud of you.

Take care of yourself, don't let this upset you because your ex and his wife are living rent-free in your head and you don't need that.

I can’t believe I’m reading this. He wants to and you don’t let him. If he didn’t want to, you’d be slating him. Grow up ffs.

I can’t believe you’re actually admitted to using your children as pawns to hold power over your ex as he wouldn’t marry you!
Whilst he doesn’t sound like much of a prize, you’re coming off far worse as you’re intentionally hurting your children just to score points.

Neither of you come off well to be honest. I’d loosen up on his wife coming, maybe not to all events but at least some. You do sound very bitter and as it’s years later and she’s clearly here to stay you need to move on and allow her in a bit.

This isn't about you. This is about your kids. You don't have to exchange Christmas cards but whether you like it or not that's their dad and stepmum, and it's in your kids' interests to have a good relationship with both. You've presumably been split up for what? 4 or 5 years now if they have their own kids? At least 2-3 anyway, and you're still 'banning' your ex and his wife, from events they are perfectly entitled to attend because:

1. He wouldn't marry you
2. You suspect them of having an affair
3. She's glamorous
4. He treats her well

I'm not saying this to be harsh, but if you're still ruminating after all this time you really should seek therapy so you can self regulate more effectively.

He's met someone he wanted to marry, its not a crime. Your not entitled to tell him he cant see his kids when his wife is with him, thats not up to you unfortunately

Can't think why he left you......

Grow up and put the kids first.

@Brightspark3 Do your children see him at his home? I can’t see anything where you say he has them at other times.