To keep him away from kids’ events?

She doesn’t need to be at every event though does she. I’d say that’s unreasonable. She isn’t mother or father. The kids didn’t ask for her.

Hmm, maybe tell him about the big events but the smaller events just leave. or let your kids guide you? I can see where your hurt comes from and seeing him and the new wife must ignite a lot of feelings within you that you don't want.

Please please do not do this to your kids. Your behaviour will mar their childhood. My mum behaved like this and it was embarrassing and horrible. I actually grew to dread school plays , my birthday , Christmas because my mum was bitter and made everything about her feelings towards my father . I resented her pettiness and it affected our relationship forever.
You need to get over yourself. Hold your head high and let them come. Be casual and unbothered and not like a child stamping their feet because they didn’t get their own way!

I do feel for you OP. I can see how much he’s hurt you, especially saying he’d never marry when you had kids together, then quickly marrying someone else.

When parents have an unfriendly split, I think it’s more sensitive to attend school events without a new partner, as it can cause stress for both the other parent and (more to the point), their DC, if the new partner’s there. So, I do realise how insensitive it feels that he insists on going with his wife or not at all.

But overall, I agree with @EdgarAllenRaven. By you insisting that he should come alone or not at all, your DC are missing out on their dad being there. And it’s so much easier for kids if their parents can try to be friends, as well as being friendly with new partners. It really affected me that my parents never spoke again until the day my dad died. It made me feel pretty worthless they couldn’t be friends for my sake. It caused my sibling a lot of anxiety.

Don’t let his wife’s presence bother you. Don’t compare yourself to her. If you can now see the failings of your ex, and what an unsuitable/untrustworthy partner he is, don’t you feel lucky you’re no longer stuck with him and just a little sorry for her?

Hold your head high. You know your worth, as a partner and a mother. Your kids will only ever have one mum, and that’s you. No one can take that away.

I wouldn't want to spend time with you either.

Kindly, OP, regardless of whether he comes with her or not, the only losers here are your children. They deserve to see their dad. Do the right thing.

They're not defending his actions at all.

But the OP has no right to control who he brings to events, for the sake of her pride/jealousy.

That's just cutting her nose off to spite her face, and impacting her DC in the process.

You need to grow up and put your child first. It's not about you.

You can say exactly the same about the OP - she’s not putting her kids first for the sake of an amicable co-parenting agreement.

Why should he? Perhaps he’d prefer to go with his wife.

I disagree. Putting the kids first is having a healthy supportive relationship with the stepmother as well as the parents. Having three people there cheering them on at school events is the best option for the kids. Having the stepmother excluded because the mother doesn't want people to see her ex found someone else has nothing to do with what is best for the kids! Her request is unreasonable and selfish.

Wow, how completely self-absorbed are you?

You don't like it that he didn't want to marry you (I can see why!) but did want to marry her, you don't like it that she's younger and more glamorous than you, you don't like it that he's a good dad to her kids whilst you are actively obstructing him from being a good dad to yours, you don't like seeing her at events because you feel threatened, you, you, you and not a word about what would be best for your child.

You are way too selfish and childish to have had kids and I'm very sorry for your poor son being stuck with you.

Most people can imagine how horrible that must be for you. It must be shitty.

I guess they’re also trying to help you get past it so you don’t feel so awful and also so you don’t become the bad guy in the future ‘she never told us…’.

In the future your DC will remember who was there with the sick bucket, helped them day to day and was there through thick and thin. Don’t let them also remember you wouldn’t let him come with his new wife.

Why the man has to have his way and the women all defend him I’ll never know.

The new wife should give them some space at these events but she won’t because she’ll do as he wants.

The man always wins.

My mum was like this about my dad’s new wife for years. It was awful. As a grown up I really resent it. As a child you just want your parents to be grown ups. You really need to move on and stop being so hung up about this man. He’s the father of your children but other than that he is irrelevant to you. Just move on with your life, stop fixating on the past and wishing it could be different. The only thing you can control is your own life going forward.

Understandably so! He’s clearly chosen his new family over an amicable co parenting relationship. He is not putting his kids first is he!

@Brightspark3 when your dc are adults they will make choices.
If they think you’ve damaged their relationship with their df you may be the person not invited to events.
You have graduations, weddings, big birthdays and christenings potentially.
You need to put the past behind you, you don’t live there anymore.

Em, is that you?
YABU. You need to get over yourself and your jealousy for the sake of your kids.
DH's ex wife was exactly like this a few years ago. Spiteful and controlling and using their DC as emotional pawns. Their DC now live with us full time through DC's choice as their mothers manipulation and control drove them away from her.
You can change this yet, its not too late for your kids. Get some counselling, learn how to accept closure on your relationship. I get it, it hurts but don't let your kids feel that pain.

Are you going to bring your bf/husband to your child's events?

They won't be co parenting they'll be sat the opposite side of the room! She hates him!!

I'm surprised he doesn't just turn up for events at school for his son.

He certainly doesn't need your say so.

Awful behaviour.

What is done is done.

You had children with a man who said he would never marry you, for whatever reason. Even hypothetically.

Stop focusing on him and sort YOU out.

Stop banning him from stuff and hand it to him. Your children are growing. Is dad coming, I have no idea darling, he has access to the information. OR. Is dad coming, no I banned him.

Think of the long term relationship with your children

He sounds like an arsehole, but for the sake of your children I think you should try as hard as you can to put your feelings down and accept that the best thing for your kids is to make peace with her being there. They’re married and she’s the mother of your children’s half siblings - one way or another she’s going to be in their lives for a long time and it’s not surprising she will attend events with him, however frustrating that is.

I actually think he’s the one who should be putting his kids first and showing up without his wife. He had them with you way before she came along and they are your children together. She should give him and you space to co parent.

I also think some of the previous posters have said some awful things that show zero compassion for your situation. Best ignored!