Yes. DS and I have suffered parental alienation. Not by an xp, but at the hands of my own parent.
It went something like this.
I grew up with a Narcissistic mother and an enabling father. My sister was the golden child and I was the scapegoat.
Sister grew up, married and left home.
Shortly afterwards, I had DS and my mother made DS the golden child.
Mother had always longed for a son and never had one.
I remained the scapegoat.
Over a number of years, my mother and to a lesser degree, my sister, alienated DS and myself and when DS was 16, my mother invited him to live with her.
DS left and was treated as a superhero by my mother.
I see now that this was in a quest for my mother to avoid being lonely.
I tried to maintain a relationship with DS and was successful for a number of years. At one point, he returned home claiming my mother was controlling and manipulative, however, DS returned a couple of years later and from that point on, my mother did everything she could to keep us apart. She changed his phone number, on the basis she would pay the bill for him, refused to have me in her house when DS was there, and I can only imagine the things she said to him.
DS became very abrupt and cold towards me in a matter of weeks after returning to my mother's house.
And then suddenly one day, he simply refused to talk to me. He refused to give me any idea of what had gone wrong.
Our last conversation was where I told him i loved him and he was always welcome to come for a coffee and a chat about anything at all, and I would listen to anything he had to say and take it in.
I apologised for anything I had done to hurt him and told him that my door would always remain open for him at any time of the day or night.
I have had no contact with him since then, and only my mother knows where he is now.
Our last conversation was more than a decade ago.
It is an awful heartbreaking situation to be in, for both parent and child and I don't talk to people irl about it.
I know people will judge and say I must know what I did to make DS cut all contact, but I know I truly honestly have no idea. I have spent years going over everything, and have drawn a blank.
Yes, I have raised my voice at DS when he was a child. Yes, I have gotten frustrated when he was a child and removed his privileges, such as playing his Xbox when his behaviour was challenging but I also loved him beyond measure and let him know this every single day!
I was the mum who taught DS right from wrong but I was also the mum who stood in the rain at the edge of the football pitch, the mum who played Xbox with him, the mum who had his friends in the house, the mum who cuddled up watching films, who took him to the zoo and marvelled at his view of the world.
I was the mum who adored him and wanted him to be happy.
I never believed it could happen to us, my friends who knew us throughout DS's childhood are just as blindsided by it, or so they say.
I have devoured literature on abuse and can honestly say I have never abused DS in any way, however, he is entitled to feel hurt by any of my actions or words that he feels hurt by, whether that was my intention at the time or not. It is not up to me how long or how hurt he can be and I accept that completely!
He has now moved out of my mother's and lives alone somewhere. When I last spoke to my mother to explain how the loss of my son has broken me, she told me I was making a mountain out of a molehill and in fact, she was the injured party, because she was now completely alone and apparently DS has cut her off and she doesn't know where he is.
Whether this is the truth or not, I do not know.
An experience such as this leaves you with deep trust issues.
If I had one wish, one prayer answered, it would be for DS to be happy, wherever he is, and whomever he is with.
If not knowing me makes him happy, that is a price I am prepared to pay.
It has taken me a long time and an ocean of tears to get to the point where I feel I am living with this rather than dying of it.
I used to tell my son he lit up my life, that he was like a big lighthouse, lighting up my life. He turned my life from black and white into full technicolour!
I know he loved me and I loved him very deeply. We told each other this all of the time.
I hope his light hasn't dimmed and he is living a life that brings him joy, even if that means we are apart.
And if the day should come when he knocks on my door, I shall do what I told him I would do, I shall listen to whatever he has to say, whether that's to talk about his reasons for cutting me off or just about the weather, or maybe we will just sit in silence. Just to be in the same space as him again would truly be a blessing!
Parental alienation hurts parents, but let's not forget that it also devastates children!
I will always love my son and once upon a time, I know that he loved me.