To be convinced I’m going to have a child with autism

OP, the pregnancy hormones play all kinds of tricks on you.
They make you worry a lot. Just take one day at a time and enjoy your beautiful baby when thry arrive.

Yes, it’s very likely that your child will be neurodivergent.

No, you will not have any idea how that will appear in terms of severity, etc.

There are far more people who are neurodivergent living pretty ordinary lives, maybe a bit ‘quirky’, than there are non verbal autistic people who will never live independently for example.

However, we have neurodivergence in our family and knowing what I now know and having parented a child with various diagnoses to adulthood, I would never have another child under any circumstances, because of my first two sentences.

Nobody can tell you what to do, especially those who have never experienced parenting a child with additional needs. There are Facebook groups you could join which would give you a flavour of what life may look like. I know I couldn’t cope with the worst it could be, so I wouldn’t have another child.

Only you can decide how you feel OP. And it’s all very circumstantial and up to chance as you see from posters here, for some it makes marriage stronger, for some it destroys marriage, for some it’s just a small added factor to life with that child, for others it’s a child who can never be independent and needs daily help forever. There’s no crystal ball, it’s a very personal decision.

I have autism and adhd, we suspect dp does. We also suspect our 10 year has autism. This affects her in sensory ways such as noise in particular and some touch, she struggles in social settings but she is also extremely bright and has a real passion for animals and animal facts. She is genuinely the most loving and caring soul I've ever met. I understand the worry, I worry about this myself as we are expecting currently however, autism doesn't always mean the severity of your nieces. Ultimately it is up to you what you decide to do however, this is something you need to be absolutely sure you can live with should you terminate, you don't want the lingering doubt of feeling like you have made a mistake (coming from experience)

To be honest though all parents feel that!

Seeing it through my eyes, I wouldn't want a child that struggled so much, who would? (she has had to fight and fight for help) but I think when they're yours, you love them and would do anything for them.

So yes, it might be really hard, but you won't mind! And equally it might not be as difficult as you think.

I think a lot of posters don’t understand how antenatal depression can be a real thing. In my pregnancy i fixated on not wanting a boy which I feel awful about now but those feelings were very real and at the time very scary.

The whole point of feelings is that’s what they are - you feel a certain way and they don’t always respond to logic. And attempts to make people feel bad for feeling them are futile as mostly the person already feels bad but they still feel the feelings.

Isn't it a risk that any child could have a disability when you are pregnant? They could have a disability as a result of birth. You just have to cross your fingers really and hope for the best. I get quite cross at the "Autism is a super power" brigade as for a fair few people it significantly affects everyday life but many others have normal lives. My husband is definitely on the spectrum but has a job and family. My nephew on the other hand is unlikely to completely independent.

I found the opposite tbh. Having DC with additional needs wrecked my marriage. Most of my friends with disabled children are divorced/separated. I think it's a far more common scenario.

Honestly I was terrified of having a child with autism, and it was a roll the dice situation. So YANBU.

My friend was in the same position, she decided to continue with the pregnancy.

Her son does have autism which she expected, he is quite affected and goes to a special school. I don't think he'll ever be able to live independently but she's really glad she had him, he is her world!

She worries about who will look after him when she's gone, though.

Me too and I love him more than life itself but these threads are frustrsting as they rarely acknowledge how disabling autism can be for some people.

I have a child with a genetic condition and ASD - he's easier than my non autistic child (although I have my suspicions).

Every child whether they have ND or not are different, some are hard, some are chill and everything in-between.

Your life will absolutely change, alone time becomes more challenging especially in the earlier years.

If having a child isn't something you think you can cope with then a termination might be the right choice for you because once they're here, that's it, you have to just get on with it.

That being said, I wouldn't change anything about my life and I was very similar to you.

Oh dear, bless you!

pregnancy wobbles are normal and yes you may miss elements of your old life but you can get a lot of it back as they get bigger.

and you may have a child with autism - tbh I never considered that I might, but guess what I do. We’ve had some struggles with him I’m not going to lie but he’s in mainstream school
and quite independent and doing well. I certainly don’t wish I’d never had him.

I am sure you’ll be OK