To be convinced I’m going to have a child with autism

i have

but you are now scorning people “lol” for having a view that less than an hour ago, you were “convinced” about

...but you've said you are convinced the baby will be autistic, and you've considered a termination - why are you angry that some agree with you?

loving the blanket statements of ‘your child will definitely have autism. You should terminate it’ lol.
funny how this person knows more than any doctor or genetic counsellor could.

says the OP “convinced” her child will be autistic

Thanks for mentioning this. I think this is really important.

It’s a pity Asperger’s syndrome wasn’t replaced by a similar meaning name. The term was stopped because of Hans Asperger’s Nazi connections. Classic autism never included many of the current ND population but sadly I think you’re right that autism will never be accurately measured. Sadly, because the severity of some people’s autism will be underplayed.

That will never happen as it's well known as a spiky profile. What would be the use of measuring the exact degree anyway? There was previously Classic autism and Aspergers syndrome and those even got rid of that basic differentiations - and they were down to IQ and not a measurement of 'autisticness'.

I think AutumnalBaker is the bad fairy at the Christening. Unbelievable.

I'll never forget a particularly unpleasant practitioner at CAHMS when I went with ds2 aged 7, who said to me in a patronising tone, of course you should never have had three children, you couldn't MANAGE. Ds2 being a twin this was particularly unhelpful advice...
I think that was the day I decided I was an excellent mother and it was the advice givers that were mostly shit

I agree. We need more vocabulary to differentiate the levels of autism severity. Getting rid of the term “Asperger’s” feel like a mistake in hindsight.

It is likely your child will be autistic.

Yes, you are absolutely right. My life is totally different to that of parents whose children are locked away with their autism and and that level of worry and stress and anguish is a world apart from mine.

This is a very strange reply

It’s good that quite a few posts emphasis how severely disabling and devastating for the family autism can be. So much talk of neurodiversity being a “superpower”! I have a friend with a non verbal child who has started saying that her child has ‘the real McCoy” autism. This may be provocative but understandable when people who can manage professional jobs, family commitments etc are now saying they have the same disability (or even saying it’s not a disability). I think the day that medicine/ science can measure the degree of autism can’t come soon enough.

People do take it personally OP, but it's not the child you're worrying about, it is the impact and lack of support you read about everywhere. They shouldn't, it is reasonable to worry.

I will add that I am on the waiting list for an ASd assessment. I have struggled in life, but have always been employed, had partners, got a good degree and managed pretty well considering the demands on my life. I have just felt like a perpetual weirdo and struggle with social cues and understanding speech and have probably underachieved.

I have one cousin with a job who has struggled to get a girlfriend, and another that has worked and had a girlfriend, but a few years back struggled a lot to the point people didnt think this was possible. It's different for everyone.

My friend has an autistic DD age 6, non verbal. She is a single parent with no help. As in none. Only her childminder where she lives. DD’s father walked away. I am an ex colleague and I do feel for her so have an hours phone call every week to listen to her off load and I give her advice, and i’ve helped her with the ECHP. She does confide in me that it was a big mistake having another child at her age (she was late 30’s and her other DC were older). Her life is really difficult. She is hoping to move, closer to support network but she is NC with most of her family so its mainly friends she would be moving closer to, and back to where she grew up

Probably not what you want to hear but wanted to offer a realistic experience. We can all say it be ok, but we have no idea. There’s a real case your child could be autistic yes, but there’s a big spectrum. Friends DD is on the more severe end, non verbal, not toilet trained at 6.

I have a profoundly autistic child. Quite alot of the time I wish I didn't, but I don't think I would change it. He's gorgeous and adorable.

It has been a very turbulent time and I've been close to a breakdown quite a lot of the time, but we have both tried to continue full time and this doesn't work well for most families with nd children, let alone when one that is severely disabled. We are only just getting to the point where we are getting our head around his diagnosis and coming to terms with what is in front of us, and getting school/support in place as navigating such a shit system is a battle. It does get easier after this, but I won't lie, it wasn't what I was expecting in life, so it has been hard and exhausting.

I think you are seeing this as a certainty though. Having a child with severe autism is rare. Your child may not be autistic at all. My son is generally cheerful and quite a joy to be around a lot of the time. It isn't all bad. It is all tiring though!

Even NT children can be difficult too. It is always worth remembering that. It is probably easier with an NT child, but not necessarily easy.

This is a very difficult situation and I do sympathize. It’s likely that your child may have some level of neurodivergence, but it’s not possible to know until after they’re born-possibly till they’re 18 months. They could have a manageable level of adhd or autism which allows them to work, form relationships and lead a good life, or they could be profoundly disabled. In your position I probably wouldn’t have got pregnant as I know I’d struggle in my 40’s to cope with a very disabled child. However, if you terminate you may regret that too. I’d suggest counselling.
Edited to add-my Aunt married and had four kids with a man who had bipolar disorder. 3 out of 4 inherited it and suffer awful mental health which means they can’t work. However, she has no regrets.

How far along are you OP? If you’re still in the first trimester, I think it’d be wise to terminate.

OP your concern is rational and it's normal to worry.
I have an autistic son and two NT kids. I'm NT. My husband is autistic. My husband has a good job and we have a happy marriage and family. My son has just moved to a wonderful specialist school aged 11 as mainstream wasn't working.
But he loves life, loves learning and knows far more than us about some subjects. He's funny and quirky and full of joy. We've had tougher times as he has found regulating his emotions hard but it's got so much easier as he's got older.
I have learned so much about the ND world and I'm still learning. My eldest often gravitates towards ND kids, and me ND adults. I probably always did.
Your worries are valid but just remember that your child won't just be a child, they will be made by you and your husband and you will love them so much.
We all want our children to thrive and not struggle in life. I've fought more for my middle autistic child to remove some struggles for him than the other two but honestly he loves life and experiences as much joy and passion as my other two. And I don't worry more about him than the other two! Worrying is part of being a mum.

This is all a bit ridiculous imho. It's a baby you are having not a Five Year Plan. Let alone a Twenty Year Plan.
Who knows what will happen in even a year? Famine Flood and Pestilence or cuddling on the sofa. Or both, at once