Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for dog food 'compensation'

705 replies

dogbiscuitsareforlife · 04/11/2024 10:43

What do you make of this.

One of my school mum friends, (I'll call her Mary) has a dog and we often bump into each other out for dog walks and walk along together. Not super close, but chatty and friendly

Last week Mary told me she had been let down by a dog sitter for a holiday. She couldn't find anyone so I offered to help. Our dogs get on well and I'm used to having more than one, although at the moment only have one. She asked how much I'd charge but I said no bother just provide his usual food and treats, which she did. Her dogs food is a superior top end brand to the food I give mine.

All was great whilst we had him, but when feeding, the dogs seemed to favour each others food and swapped between bowls. I didn't think too much of it but did mention it to one of the other mums at the school gates in a jokey way, saying my dog obviously preferred the more expensive brand to the supermarket stuff I provided. Whereas her dog really liked the cheaper stuff.

Mary has obviously been told and today asked me if I fed my dog her dogs food. I was a bit taken aback but explained the above and of course I did give her dog its own food but sometimes dogs want what the other dog has.

She was very cold and told me to compensate her for any tins I gave my dog as she wasn't there to provide for my animal! I'm totally bemused, I saved her £100's in dog sitting fees and although I'm not now going to charge her she must see she is totally unfair.

Or am I wrong and should I buy a pack of 4 tins to give her. My DH says ignore but I don't want bad feeling.

OP posts:
TheBluntTurtle · 07/11/2024 16:00

She’s being ridiculous. Everyone who has had more than one pet at a time knows how difficult it is to get them to stick to their own bowls and how they swap and eat the others food (which can make feeding pets on restricted diets really difficult). I would have interpreted the dogs swapping a sa funny anecdote!
I wouldn’t buy her food- you did her a massive favour and her dog got to spend the weekend with its friend. I wouldn’t be doing her another favour again.

RobinEllacotStrike · 07/11/2024 15:56

I would do this but pay her the difference in 1 &2p coins

I would be annoyed enough and petty enough to do this 😁

aloris · 07/11/2024 15:47

Lucy377 · 07/11/2024 15:03

If it were me and you might want her to mind your dog sometimes I'd be saying to Mary 'here's what I estimate the cost of what my dog ate of your food minus what your dog ate of my food'.
Then add 'they are dogs after all. I guess if you had wanted your dog to eat alone you might have mentioned that. I just let them both eat at the same time and turned out they both found each other's food a novelty. Hope this doesn't affect things because I'm sure we both agree it is very handy to have free dog sitting with a friend you can trust'.

Highly unlikely this woman would ever dog-sit for OP, and if she did, it's likely she would charge OP an arm and a leg, after the fact.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/11/2024 15:44

MumblesParty · 07/11/2024 09:28

I would just say that I’d thought this was an informal arrangement, between friends, with no costs involved. But that if she’s wanting to put the whole transaction on a financial footing, you will reimburse her for the food your dog ate, but she needs to reimburse you for the food her dog ate, and also pay you for dog sitting.
She can’t have it both ways.

I think this is the best response. What a strange attitude to have towards someone, who’s done you a massive favour.

LittleRedYarny · 07/11/2024 15:38

Maverickess · 04/11/2024 10:54

Give her the difference between 4 tins of your dogs food and 4 tins of her dogs food - after all if the dogs swapped then her dog was eating your dog food while yours was eating hers?
Explain that and then cut the ungrateful cow off, you do her a favour and she wants to quibble because your dog had a few mouthfuls of her dogs food? Nope, wouldn't be staying around to be treated like that!

I would do this but pay her the difference in 1 &2p coins

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/11/2024 15:25

Despite my earlier response about handing her a couple of spoonfuls of dog food...

I am curious to know exactly what the other school Mum said to her... I think she's got the impression that your dog ate just her dogs food, the whole time her dog was with you...and her dog ate yours.

It makes no sense of course that you're some high end dog food chancer as you gave back the remaining tins... but it might explain things a little if she doesn't realise it was just a mouthful here and there rather than a deliberate choice to give your dog her dogs food.

AlleycatMarie · 07/11/2024 15:14

Hi @dogbiscuitsareforlife I can’t believe she is being such a CF when you went out of your way to help her! I would not be buying her any tins. And would point out why I was not and the fact that you will not be helping her out again.

AzureBean · 07/11/2024 15:04

StandingSideBySide · 07/11/2024 12:16

If you give her the tins of more expensive food then effectively you caring for her dog has cost you money….shouldn’t it be the other way round!

Show quote history

This! You'll be out of pocket and she'll have had free dog sitting and free food! I wonder what exactly the other woman said to her for her to have had the nerve to ask for it.

Lucy377 · 07/11/2024 15:03

If it were me and you might want her to mind your dog sometimes I'd be saying to Mary 'here's what I estimate the cost of what my dog ate of your food minus what your dog ate of my food'.
Then add 'they are dogs after all. I guess if you had wanted your dog to eat alone you might have mentioned that. I just let them both eat at the same time and turned out they both found each other's food a novelty. Hope this doesn't affect things because I'm sure we both agree it is very handy to have free dog sitting with a friend you can trust'.

mswales · 07/11/2024 14:59

Do NOT give her the tins! Unbelievable!

RoseJam · 07/11/2024 14:56

CoraPirbright · 04/11/2024 16:31

This is extraordinary!

I would message her: “Mary has something been misinterpreted somehow? Your dog ate a bit of my dog’s food and my dog ate a bit of yours. To be clear, I Did Not feed my dog on your dog’s food and would never do such a thing. They simply seemed to be interested in sampling from the other bowl”

If Mary then pursues it, the next message should be: “I find this quite extraordinary. If it wasn’t for me stepping in to help last minute, you would have had to cancel your holiday. Plus I looked after your dog for free, thereby saving you £100’s. I have estimated that my dog ate £X of your food and your dog ate £x of mine. The difference is £x. If you really feel that it is worth damaging our friendship quibbling over this tiny amount then by all means send me your bank details. However I repeat that I did you an enormous favour so perhaps you might like to reflect on that “

And I would be telling everyone what a mad bitch this woman is.

The above response is spot on.

If you saw her but didn't speak to her, and are considering giving her the dog food tins, I am guessing you want to avoid a confrontation. Unfortunately, she may interpret that as guilt/admission that you took her dog's food.

Flumoxed · 07/11/2024 14:46

What a bell end. Don't worry about there being bad feeling between you - she clearly isn't! I would wait until she brings it up again and then say, "What? Are you being serious about that? I house, walk and feed your do for X days and you think I owe you money?!"

Walk away and let that be the last thing you say to her.

PaperbackWrighter · 07/11/2024 14:46

AnnieSnap · 07/11/2024 13:49

You took care of her dog for free. Pet care is really expensive (speaking from experience). Tell her you’ll give her the tins if she pays for the pet care (at least £25 per day).

Show quote history

£40 a day with overnight stay round my way!

olympicsrock · 07/11/2024 14:38

This woman is barking mad… let her loose and don’t pursue the friendship

IOSTT · 07/11/2024 14:30

dogbiscuitsareforlife · 07/11/2024 09:00

I saw her out on dog walk yesterday but avoided her and walked a different way. I know she saw me and sort of stopped and stared at me for a while. Hopefully she'll realise I'm upset over something.

I won't be at school until tomorrow so still deciding whether to hand over tins or not.

Hand over the tins and explain loudly to her, so everyone knows what has happened, and she can’t tell people you stole her dog’s food!

dollopofsauce · 07/11/2024 14:17

MyNewCat · 07/11/2024 13:52

She really is a CF.

I understand that you may not want any confrontation, so I would send her a text that says something along the lines of

Hi Mary, I fed our dogs at the same time & they ate each others food a few times, it's not a big deal, they all do this from time to time.

I'm not going to be re-imbersing you any dog food - you seem to have forgotten that I looked after Fido for you at no cost, saving you lots of money on sitter fees & I won't make myself out of pocket for doing you a favour.

I don't want there to be any bad feeling between us, so lets say no more about it & move on.

This. This is perfect

m00rfarm · 07/11/2024 14:17

Definitely hand over the tins in front of everyone. And then quietly thank her for the gift she left for you by your front door. And then watch her face.

FlyingFox · 07/11/2024 14:15

TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 07/11/2024 13:47

Yes, this!

Her attitude isn't going to Winnalot of (Pedigree or otherwise) Chums if she keeps it up. She's lucky to have any Pals at all.

Not surprised your DH also isn't a very happy Chappie.

Show quote history

hahaha brilliant 😂

GreekDogRescue · 07/11/2024 14:10

I’d tell her you feel very taken advantage of

CasperGutman · 07/11/2024 14:03

Trickabrick · 04/11/2024 11:15

I’d be as ridiculous as her:

“Mary, to be clear I didn’t feed my dog your dog’s food, they swapped bowls themselves occasionally at feeding time. Obviously I can’t be sure exactly how much my Fido ate of your Rover’s food and vice versa so I’ve estimated 2 tins over the course of the week at the cost of £X. I’ve subtracted £Y to cover the cost of Fido’s food which Rover ate. Please find enclosed <exact amount of money in cash> to settle my “debt”.

I'd do this. Except I'd give her the money as a cheque and not cash, to be extra petty. I wouldn't start trying to invoice her for the dog-sitting, but if she ever asked for another dog-care favour it wouldn't be convenient.

MyNewCat · 07/11/2024 13:52

She really is a CF.

I understand that you may not want any confrontation, so I would send her a text that says something along the lines of

Hi Mary, I fed our dogs at the same time & they ate each others food a few times, it's not a big deal, they all do this from time to time.

I'm not going to be re-imbersing you any dog food - you seem to have forgotten that I looked after Fido for you at no cost, saving you lots of money on sitter fees & I won't make myself out of pocket for doing you a favour.

I don't want there to be any bad feeling between us, so lets say no more about it & move on.

AnnieSnap · 07/11/2024 13:49

dogbiscuitsareforlife · 07/11/2024 09:00

I saw her out on dog walk yesterday but avoided her and walked a different way. I know she saw me and sort of stopped and stared at me for a while. Hopefully she'll realise I'm upset over something.

I won't be at school until tomorrow so still deciding whether to hand over tins or not.

You took care of her dog for free. Pet care is really expensive (speaking from experience). Tell her you’ll give her the tins if she pays for the pet care (at least £25 per day).

StressedLP1 · 07/11/2024 13:49

Don’t hand her tins! It needs to be a partial tin in a ziplock bag or envelope of loose change to highlight her pettiness!

TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 07/11/2024 13:47

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/11/2024 13:43

By the fact that you deliberately avoided her OP, I'm guessing that you're dreading any confrontation?

If that's the case, write her a note telling her that you willingly helped her out at the last minute by having her dog, thereby saving her £100's, because you thought she was a friend. However, the fact that she has requested that you replace the food that your dog ate, when the dogs chose to swap, shows her that you are nothing of the sort, and in future you want nothing further to do with her. Put it through her door, and let her chew the bones out of that, as dog food is obviously so important to her!

Yes, this!

Her attitude isn't going to Winnalot of (Pedigree or otherwise) Chums if she keeps it up. She's lucky to have any Pals at all.

Not surprised your DH also isn't a very happy Chappie.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 07/11/2024 13:47

Personally I'd be quite tempted to hand her a ziploc bag containing a couple of tablespoons of ££ dog food and tell her you've tried to give her exactly what your dog had out of her dog's bowl