MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

It all sounds a bit ridiculous, and I have a DM that is definitely a bit on the controlling and anxious side. I let her know within a couple of days of landing that all is fine, then a couple of further emails and photos during the holiday. She doesn't let me know anything at all when she is away other than the country, I just assume all is well.

I think I have her quite blasé on this front though after the years of backpacking in the 90s when she barely knew what country I was in, let alone where I was staying.

Tell your husband to stop being so wet and to stop telling mummy every detail of your holiday.

@Firstimpressions
"You dont have their phone details. Unbelievable

I've been with my husband for over 45 years. It's never been an issue. I could maybe find out the contact details of his brother if I searched online but I don't have any of their numbers to hand. I've never ever needed them. Why would I?

My husbands Mum genuinely loves me. I'm very nice to her. However, I don't need or want to be more involved than tagging along with my Husband when we visit. He is the same for my family.
It works. Lots of Mums and DILs on Mumsnet seem to be fighting about who has power and who is in control. It seems sad and unhealthy. Look at the OPs situation. Why on earth does she care. If my MIL asked me to provide hotel details I'd shrug ,y shoulders and suggest she asks her son.

Totally agree. It’s quite bizarre, especially in days of mobile phones where people can be in touch easily via text or WhatsApp. Very intrusive behaviour from the MIL.

My MIL now only gets a country, or “north Scotland”, but often we don’t tell her we’re going. As she did similar and phoned up the holiday let agent one time!

Agree although to share details of flights & Hotel imo is totally reasonable & should be a standard consideration on both parts.

If a relative of mine rang my hotel to chk I was ok they’d be getting an earful.
That is so overstepping.

I normally give someone else in the family a rough idea of what flight I am on and where I am staying. I just think, in case of some kind of disaster, it'll make it all a tiny bit easier for them to try and find out info.

I'd be pretty unimpressed with an late night call to the hotel to check on me, thiugh.

My family are like your in laws - they will ask us to let them know about flights and hotels - and will also send the details of their holidays to us. Is it a bit annoying? Yes. Does it take more than 30 seconds to address it which makes them feel happier? No. So we just do it and it’s fine. I don’t agree that it’s intrusive - knowing where you are is not that big a deal.

I do sometimes wonder if it’s a cultural thing. My family are from India where this is very normal, possibly in part because some parts of India are dangerous. My DH’s are English and rarely know where each other are, let alone sharing such details.

You dont have their phone details. Unbelievable!

Did she not try to call DH before trying the hotel? It's understandable to forget to send a text saying you've arrived, less so if he has increasingly frantic texts and missed calls from his mum.

I actually think sharing travel and hotel details makes sense for a worst case scenario if something happens to them or you. My family are like yours, we're all very hands off, but I'm trying to get my parents in the habit of telling me when they're going away and flight/hotel details and do the same when we're away ourselves. That way if I hear about, say, the recent floods in Valencia and Málaga, I'd be able to check if they were in the affected area and get in touch if needed.

Their* not there

I find it hard to relate to these types of posts as I have never got involved with my DHs family. I have always got on well with them and I they seem to really like me but they are not 'my' family.
I don't have their numbers and I won't get involved with any of there planning etc.
DH is the same with my family.

Why get involved. Why give it any headspace at all. Why care? Leave it to your husband.
If anyone asks you about it and give it not a seconds more thought.

Unless you’re on an escorted group tour, it’s sensible to share the basic details of your itinerary with someone back home. To me it’s a basic precaution, like making sure you have photocopies of your passports in a different bag from the originals. Just flight and hotel details would suffice. If you’re staying in the same place throughout, there’s no need for: Monday - Market and Museum, Tuesday - Aqua Park, Wednesday - haven’t decided yet…

The someone doesn’t necessarily have to be MIL though, especially if it’s feeding her anxiety. But I would let her know I’d arrived safely. It could be far worse - there are Mumsnetters whose relatives have wanted itinerary details so they could turn up uninvited and join in the holiday - at least your MIL isn’t doing that.

I should add, I was in Paris flying out of CDG when Concorde crashed. It was the fact that I told my parents the hotel I was staying in that stopped them from panicking, given that the plane came down ON a Parisian hotel. They were still a bit nervy until I got in touch when I landed in Bordeaux, we took off about 20 minutes before Concorde and the initial details in the news were patchy as you would understand while the immediate tragedy was being addressed.

I'm thankful my son & daughter-in-law always share their flight details & where they are staying. In turn DH & I do the same. We would only contact each other in emergencies. I think it's totally reasonable to share holiday details. Imagine if there was a family emergency on either side & the mobile phones were unobtainable. Sorry OP I think you are being very unreasonable so that's how I voted.

I think people who vote yanbu are interpreting your title as your mil wanting to know your itinerary every day so the results are misleading. If you made it clear it was only regarding flight & hotel details I think you would find the results would be different.

We always let PIL know we have arrived. DH texts a couple of photos of DC during holiday. They always have our address just incase.
That's it.

MIL is being overbearing and controlling. My children are adults, and there are times when I don't know what country they're in. Adults with full autonomy don't have to report to mummy with their whereabouts.

I became an officer in the American military at the age of 21. My parents rarely knew where I was, and this was at a time when long-distance communication was by extremely expensive phone calls or extremely slow letters. Sometimes months would go by without them knowing where I was, although I would call or write when I could, which sometimes wasn't that often.

Your MIL is using her anxiety to try to control you. Calling the hotel was ridiculous and attention-grabbing behaviour that should not be tolerated. You dh need to tell her that you will be in touch at your convenience, not hers, while on holiday, and she needs to deal with her anxiety constructively instead of trying to control her loved ones.

Because for some people with anxiety, whatever you do is never enough. It just reinforces to them that the only way for them to manage their anxiety is for other people to reassure them. Rather than them taking responsibility for their own feelings and seeking their own solution to managing them.

I do tell my brother and he tells me. Just in case there’s an incident locally and he knows we aren’t in that city. Long haul.

Your poor sister!

I would send a text message saying ‘arrived safely. Lots to see and do. Will tell you all about it when we get back. Have a good week’. Then ignore any other messages unless there’s an emergency.

But on the flip side, you could argue that if you hadn't arrived safely because of a pile up on the M6 delaying you, a baggage handlers' strike or similar, they would have heard about it already. Things do not generally go wrong on holiday flights.

My inlaws do send a full itinerary along with hotel phone numbers and insurance polict details. DH says thanks, and never opens the email. My mum doesn't travel any more but has never been a worrier or one who expects us to check in constantly. She wuld be very cross if I phoned from "overseas" - think of the cost! The concept of included minutes doesn't mean anything to her. We send her the occasional picture to her iPad, which she can look at but doesn't know how to message on.

I usually send details of where I’m going on holiday to my sister, so she can contact us in emergencies. Old habits die hard. In this day-and-age, it would be just forwarding an email. She does the same to me. TBH, I don’t even open it, unless i need to.

Also a quick message to say ‘I’ve arrived’ for long trips. I’d be annoyed if they phoned the hotel though (why couldn’t she message you directly?).

My children have travelled all over the world and they have always shared where they are staying because they know
Mum is interested and loves a good old google.
My son was jetting all round North America and Canada a few weeks ago with work and he sent me his itinerary ,I didn’t ask for it but he knew I would be interested and I love a bit of flight radar 😂