MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

I don't understand the obsession about letting people know you've landed safely. If you hadn't landed safely and the plane had crashed I'd be breaking news- especially if it's a flight from or to the UK.

I'm on the chilled side of things though, I have a husband who is always abroad for work in various places and I have been known to not know what city he's in (he does tell me but I forget sometimes). He does message regularly though so I know he's not dead (and if he was to die someone from his work would let me know quickly so I don't worry if he's travelling and I don't hear from him)

It's situations like deaths or sudden serious illnesses a family would wish to know about that are exactly the reasons people are talking about when they say it's not unreasonable to share flight & hotel details. Phones are not always contactable.Knowing the details are a simple safeguard. It's not just about arriving safely.

Oh, no, not everyday itinerary…I very rarely know exactly what I’m doing in advance. But I guess the point is, my mum would be able to contact the hotel in emergency…if she did that inappropriately, we would discuss it, but I know she’s a worrier, I think people who live alone and no longer work have a lot of time on their hands and might fill that with worries.

The in laws usually know when we are going away and the rough area because DS tells them, but we certainly don't tell them we have arrived or an itenerary.

On the other hand they often don't Tell us they're away until they get back!

I tell my DM that I'm going away somewhere, and she hopes I have a good time. We will catch up when I get back. The only person who I communicate with when I'm away is my DP.

I don’t think it is care, it’s to satisfy a need in them. I was attacked in an apartment when I was 11, a man had been watching and broke in and assaulted me. It was late at night and He knew my parents had left me in there alone. If we are now on holiday and have a bedroom and a living room and the living room has my daughter sleeping on the sofa bed and the room has the outer door on it I have to have a real word with myself as I convince myself someone will break in and get my daughter and that I won’t hear it. It’s irrational, but slightly worse as it did happen to me but I’d never ever let her know because it’s my anxiety not hers. So I lock the front door take and take a deep breath !

I feel its quite intrusive that my DH shares a full itinerary of where we are at our holidays.

FGS this is why MIL and DIL have such tragic relationships. "Quite intrusive' really?

We always used to do this as a matter of course when anyone was travelling abroad and moving around in case of an emergency - so you would know which hotel they were in and when, just in case. It's hardly the end of the world. You probably tell your friends what you are doing in similar terms.

Flight numbers/times/ hotel names and dates at hotels would normally do.

The ONLY reason it bothers you is because it is your MIL showing she cares about her son and YOU don't like her.

Sigh.

I doubt he will stop.

Oh no another diagnosis of narcissism
terrible mil dreadful woman

I think unless there’s a specific family situation where say someone is ill etc then even the thought process that there might be an emergency is over the top, the likelihood of there being an emergency and phones of two adults being both unavailable is really unlikely.

My in-laws asked us to put trackers on our phones like SiL has done, ‘so we don’t need to keep texting you to check you’re OK’. We refused.

Good god, that sounds stifling, good for you saying no, that’s insanity!

My in laws are much more of a wanting to know you’re landed safe etc, and general worriers about everything. I let DH deal with them on this stuff, I find it too much.

If MIL called our hotel I’d feel stalked!! they’ve never asked for this kind of level of detail but it’s really unnecessary.

I’ve often been on holiday and not mentioned it to my dad until I get home, so we’re complete opposites! I think he’d think I’d gone mad if I messaged him to say I’d arrived anywhere safe, he assumes I’m safe & a competent adult unless he hears otherwise I guess. Mobile phones means he can call any time, the concept that I wouldn’t arrive safe anywhere is melodramatic imo.

I do think it's being too intrusive to actually call the hotel. If your mil is known to be the anxious type regarding travelling abroad a simple text would solve the problem. Rather than see it as irritating perhaps try to look at it as having in-laws who genuinely love & care for you all. There are people who have in-laws who have no interest or involvement with their adult children or grand children. That to me is far worse than being expected to send a quick text or a call to say you've arrived abroad safely.

Had she been messaging your husband and he’d ignored it hence the hotel call? If not then going straight to calling the hotel is a right drama llama and done for attention. But stop being embarrassed it’s no reflection on you what she does. In fact I’d have no part in it at all, she’s nothing to do with you it’s completely on your husband to deal with.

Seems reasonable to let her know the name and tel.no. of the hotel just in case there is an emergency at home and she has been unable to contact you on your phone, but that is all. A text/call to say you have arrived safely should suffice.

OP just seen your update, and I’m glad you have realised that this helps mil having this information.

What exactly would she do if you didn't arrive safely?
Fly in? Phone The Embassy?
I did used to send my Mum a quick text when I arrived on holiday but it was not always the same day if we arrived late or something and she wouldn't have phoned the hotel (or even knew which hotel it was).
She is being over the top but its for your H to deal with

My in-laws asked us to put trackers on our phones like SiL has done, ‘so we don’t need to keep texting you to check you’re OK’. We refused. We tell my in-laws as little as possible about our lives as we get pestered for reassurance whenever we do, in the name of their anxiety. Any flight is monitored throughout, any car journey they know about results in a slew of texts to check our ETA or arrival. We try not to feed the beast. It feels very claustrophobic and like they are trying to drag us into their own uncontrolled anxiety.

We will send a basic ‘arrived safely’ message if they know we’re travelling because otherwise we get a series of increasingly anxious texts, WhatsApps and emails until we do.

It’s only part of other difficult behaviour that is anxiety-driven that makes our relationship with them hard work. They are not willing to accept they have disproportionate anxiety at all.

People can be extremely blasé about possible family emergencies on either side & so what if phones are unavailable.

Of course those types of things only happen to other people so why bother sharing holiday details 🙄

I am the least interfering mil on the planet. My son & dil voluntarily offer their flight & Hotel details & in turn so do DH & I. We give each other space & would never make contact unless there was an emergency.They would thankfully do the same. As always each to their own.

Depends on what you mean by itinerary.
Husband and I give an itinerary to our son. We include accommodation and their numbers. We do a lot of independent travel in Asia and other places where mobile/internet cover is patchy. I would much rather this than if a flight went down and he doesn’t know if we were on it and can’t get hold of us that he worries. I’m not sure why OP, and others, think it’s unreasonable. Surely it’s common sense and doesn’t harm anyone? You sound really unpleasant to your mil, telling her she should manage her anxieties.

I don't think it hurts to WhatsApp when you have arrived, yes it's not necessary but it is free to do and takes seconds. I also think sending a picture every 2-3 days is fair enough, enough to placate her but not too intrusive (plus it's nice to share photos).

Good grief..loving mum and now grandmother..I never know or want to know about my family’s holidays other than they usually mention the country. Most odd that your mil is so involved imo.

Sorry I still don't get this. You never know what's around the corner. If something happened very suddenly to my DH the first thing I would do is call our adult children & at the same time his mother & father. Again though each to their own.

She phoned the hotel? That’s borderline insanity.

We give the MiL our flight number as she likes to track on flight radar. We’ll FaceTime at some point (mostly to see our dog!) and that’s it.