MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

I can't imagine letting anyone know that I've arrived on my holiday, nor anyone letting me know that they've arrived.
Two of my kids are away on holiday at the moment, as far as I'm aware, they got there fine.
All we tell each other is the country they're going to and when.
No news is good news as far as I'm concerned.

But that’s nice that’s showing an interest rather than checking up or panicking. Disclaimer my mum has zero interest in me and if I message to check she is ok when on holiday she just says yes or no and never asks about my holiday!

Asking for a text to let her know you got there safe - fine, normal, usually more of a symbolic thing than actual concern about your physical safety.

Calling the hotel you're staying at because he forgot and not just texting him "Get there alright?" - really, really weird and overstepping to me. I'd shut that down immediately: largely because you can't indulge that level of anxiety and normalise it, because that isn't normal. Unless you're travelling somewhere known to be actively dangerous, she's being way over the top and if you (or rather your DH) acts as though that's normal the next thing it'll be 'oh can you stick your location sharing on' or whatever, like she'll just keep tightening the anxious control reins.

Blimey my adult children text me when they arrive and sent 68000000 photos (okay a slight exaggeration).
Think they are glad I am interested in their life; I’ve never asked them to do this.

It's not the hill OP.

It's much more likely to be a 'her anxiety' thing, rather than a deliberate attempt to be intrusive.

Just tell your DH to take care of it.

What do you mean by itinerary?

To me that means a breakdown on what you’re doing every day of the holiday, locations and timing.

Or do you just mean name of hotel and flight arrival time?

Yes normal for us to send an “arrived safely” text but it might be the next day if we arrive in the middle of night and don’t have roaming data

She doesn't like it because MIL is phoning their hotel when her son doesn't update her on their safe arrival quickly enough.

She hasn't said she doesn't like her MIL, she just finds it intrusive, like lots of people would.

Since my parents became too infirm for foreign travel, they like to travel vicariously through me, following my itinerary day by day, maybe with a map, and looking up some of the places I was visiting.

They would never phone a hotel to see if I had arrived safely. That's the bit I would have an issue with. The hotel shouldn't be giving out guests' details anyway.

MIL is much more chilled, says "If the plane crashes, I'll see it on the news" otherwise assumes everything is fine.

Text her your flight nr and it will turn into a link she can click on to see details of your flight, where it is and if it’s landed on time.

I say this as the mother of adult DC in their 40’s.

If she suffers from anxiety, pandering to her whims will only confirm to her that she’s entitled to know everything you’re doing and probably increase her fears too. I’d roll back on the amount of information you pass on.

I wait to get WhatsApp pics when they go on holiday and respond accordingly, although I suspect that the other granny might be similar to the OP’s MIL as she always wants to be involved in everything including inviting herself to our family party/meal out last year. I thought that was a bit much but said nothing and just paid the bill.

That's lovely & extremely thoughtful. I despair of people who suggest you should never ever worry about people you love. It's natural. Knowing on a regular basis they are safe & well is all that's required.

If you leave details of location etc I would also leave details of how the info is used. This could be use only for life ending illness or death of close family and emergency at either end like a flood. Separately set expectations of contact - e.g arrived however If this was the norm I would talk through what if not contacted when expected and what steps to take or not take. There seems no point in having this habit if you have not got a plan if the message is not received, that to me feels like fake concern, controlling or enjoying a drama.

I got a call from my brother to tell me that my mum had died, when I was on a long train journey in Portugal.
That worked out fine as I had a Portuguese SIM and a smartphone.

But back in the day, I'd have furnished the family with where I was staying. Because shit happens, and if you've done that one considerate thing, it makes it much easier for your family, as they don't have to panic and worry about trying to find you.

Obviously it would be even worse if a family member was very ill, as you might want to get back quickly to see them, and the wasted time could be significant.

So yes, that's why I used to share my accommodation contact details, and why I now make sure that my kids can get in touch with me, by having a local data SIM..

Yes I agree...I would never have worried my Mum unnecessarily just for the sake of a 5 sec text !
Thankfully my children are lovely thoughtful adults as well.

Before WhatsApp and easy mobile phone use my parents always presented us with a full itinerary of their holiday with hotels, flight numbers, emergency number for the travel firm, insurance company info. They travelled around a lot on each break so it often ran to two sides of A4 paper. I'm wondering if your MiL is similar age to my parents that it was the norm in the past and she hasn't quite adjusted to the fact that you can now get in touch much more easily and this is unnecessary levels of detail for the modern world?

My mother used to do this. I think she saw worrying about people as a way of showing love, but for the recipient (me) it felt suffocating and controlling.

It wasn't too bad in the era before mobile phones, but once she could contact me at any time, it got worse - multiple phone calls to check up on me if I was later than she expected to arrive somewhere, even a perfectly normal journey in the UK.

And over time, I realised the more detail she knew about what I was doing and where I was meant to be, the more wound up she got if my plans changed or I was delayed and she didn't hear from me exactly when she expected to. It meant that increasingly I tried to tell her as little as possible about my life and movements to avoid being the subject of excessive anxiety and being forced to spend time and energy on calming her down.

It didn't help that she never got the hang of using a mobile herself, so I couldn't just text her, it had to be a phone call, which meant I ended up worrying if I was arriving somewhere late because she would still insist I called her even if it woke her up. In the end I just said no, I am not doing this any more. If anything bad happens to me, you will hear soon enough. My (now adult) children travel a lot, and I have never expected this kind of thing from them.

If your DH is reluctant to stop pandering to her, and if MiL is at all tech-savvy, would it work just to briefly share location with her via whatsapp or google maps, just so she knows you have arrived, rather than having to call her? I certainly would never give her hotel names and phone numbers again.

I let mine know I've arrived and that I'm not going to be on my phone now for a week.or so.

I always give my mum details of our holiday - usually a screen shot of the booking. So she knows flight numbers/times and hotel we’re staying at. In case there is an emergency and she can’t get hold of us (probably a hang over from when mobile signal abroad was bad) but also in case there was a plane crash or something she would know what flight we were on. I also always let her know when we arrive. She does the same when she goes away. I don’t think it’s overbearing at all.

Relentless? She phoned a hotel once.

She shouldn't have done, of course, but you're exaggerating egregiously.

I follow them on flight radar breathe a sigh of relief when they land safely. Have no idea where they're staying, get lovely photos while they're there. That's it.

I usually text the family WhatsApp group but with a look at this view or we've been here twenty minutes and ds is in the pool already type picture, it would be odd for me not to communicate at all during a holiday although I managed it other than the we landed call when I was 17/18 and mobiles abroad weren't really a thing . It wouldn't occur to me to give the hotel details etc to my parents or PIL if we have ours more conversational oh we've booked to go to Italy May half term, of that's nice where are you going, might send a link to the hotel when discussing the area.

Exactly, they are using you to self soothe. Get some therapy.

I say very firmly to my mum every time she tries to pull this bullshit that worry is not the same as love. No the relentless hounding of you on holiday because SHE has an anxiety problem is not showing her love - it's the opposite.