MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

I usually let my parents know we have arrived ok, just a quick Whats App message and that’s it. Maybe the odd photo but rare. My parents don’t hound me, if they did I might not be as communicative. I think that’s key here, if they let go a bit you wouldn’t feel as hounded. You’re grown adults with your own family, I imagine they just care deeply and sometimes it can feel suffocating to some.

Well is she not a grandma??

I hear you OP. My MIL needs all the details and tracks our flights etc. If its raining where we are we get texts “oh i do wonder if the DC are wearing coats….” FFS!

She claims anxiety which she doesnt exhibit in other areas of her life. She sent her DC to boarding school at age 8 and my DH does not recall frantic calls and texts about his whereabouts back then…only as an adult man in a relationship…making up for lost time perhaps?

Keep pushing back and dont enable this behaviour. We now tell MIL nothing until after its happened. Kids ill? Changing jobs? Weekend away? She is always put out at hearing last but she only has herself to blame.

I agree with you OP. I have never shared any of that with anyone and it would never occur to me that I should. If anyone asked for it I'd think it was very odd.
It would make me feel stifled, not loved. Like I was to much of an idiot to look after myself.

As a teenager in the 90s I travelled Europe on my own and my parents got a postcard every week. All this tracking nonsense is bananas.

How does OP not liking her MIL automatically equate to her not liking that she cares about her son? I'm not following the correlation here.

It is controlling I think. Our mam does it. Feel its over involved in adults lives...

Yes, as it happens, I do. I was replying to a poster who felt the OP should prevent the MIL's controlling behaviour by being controlling herself. If it isn't acceptable from the MIL, it isn't acceptable from the DIL.

Apparently for many posters on this thread it is though. Hmm indeed!

And you don't think a grown-ass mom needing to now exactly her grown married son's whereabouts at all time isn't controlling either? Hmm..

Except it becomes her business when she is trying to vacation with her husband and he keeps giving mummy play by play updates interrupting their time together. I find it mind boggling that people think things involving their own spouse aren't there business as if it doesn't automatically affect them as well. You think his relationship with his mum won't trickle down to affect his wife somehow? Not to mention this is a sign of a mummy's boy and that he placates her anxiety and that's not a good sign at all for his wife that his marriage is put first.

It might be a generational thing - my DF always sends a detailed itinerary for holidays that and DM are taking to my brother and me. Maybe it comes from an age when travel was deemed more risky?

Can the people who like others to send an 'I have landed' text tell me what they're worried about? Is it a plane crash? Why is it such a massive thing to need to tell others the plane has arrived safely? Do you do it after the drive to work where statistically you're much more likely to die.

While living in a Texan border town for 6 years (I was 30 yrs old) my mother never once called me to check I was safe.

Now she wants to know where I’m going, with whom and why. I tell her my arrival and that’s it.

OP it’s all about control and I for one won’t be controlled.

We go by 'no news is good news.' You're grown adults, why should she need to know anything?

It's not that terrible to send a one line text saying you've arrived. And one on your return.

I like that my sons do this.

Mil doesn't need an itinerary of your holiday and nor should she have one!!
By coincidence my DS2 and GF are in Prague at the moment and I've had texts to say they landed and the odd photo.

Of course you are misunderstanding....

Passive agression really is a look this season, darling

I agree rare but still there is safety in knowing where people are.

Recently - Liam Payne. It hit the news very quickly. Within a couple hours. Disgraceful but it did. I'd hope the UK authorities were notified and they had police over at their house before it was released. But what if they'd been on holiday and no one knew where they were staying? Would they have not found out until next morning from the news and condolence texts? While unlikely to happen to average person the principle applies. If the worst were to happen and someone ended up in hospital on end of life care at home, if they know holiday hotel etc then you can be notified quickly to give an option of heading home ASAP.

If family drive out somewhere rural - if it was known where you were headed a search party knows where to look.

If the OP or any of her family would have died on the flight or the way to their hotel they'd be identified as they'd have had their passports on them so would have been identified. Unless you're in constant contact with people back home though out your holiday they wouldn't know you're missing anyway for a couple of days.

Very rare for a whole family to disappear when on holiday though, mainly only terrorist attack or natural disaster which is very rare.

We don't give our extended families an itinerary if our holiday, or every day life. There's so many more likely bad things that can happen then our whole family going missing.

It’s controlling behaviour and it must be irritating. I’d tell her it was unreasonable to call the hotel and you don’t want her to do this in future. It’s not up to you to manage her anxiety.

Also, sorry to be morbid, but if the worst did happen, wouldn’t you want to be identified quickly so your relatives had the option of saying goodbye to you? A distant relative of mine was a missing person for a few days, but it turned out he’d died on the day he went missing. The family were desperate for answers. Unfortunately, the coroner had to return an open verdict.

@Finallybreathingout I would honestly love to be like you but a lot of people worry, they can't help it. They often realise it is irrational. It is not something you can rationalise your way out of. If it was, no one would have mental health issues would they.

I think it is a balance if a member of your family is a worrier. Given them key updates to put their mind at rest - no need for incessant communication. They don't need the ins and outs of what you are doing every minute of the day - but a 'we just arrived at the hotel it is lovely' etc. is easy.

If you went missing abroad, wouldn’t you want the police to have more to go on than “I think she’s somewhere in Tenerife”? After the floods in Valencia, whole families are missing. Just knowing which hotel/town your relatives are staying in would be a big help.

It really isn’t. I’m also perplexed by the illogicality of the need to know where someone is all the time on holiday. An international flight is statistically a safer activity than crossing the road. I get there’s an emotional thing and I get that plenty of people like to say they’ve arrived safely and that’s fine! Each to their own. But to worry because you haven’t heard, or to be on alert because your family on holiday has hired a car and it might break down, is over worrying.

I totally get where you are coming from. I come from a family with a hippy mother who was encouraging me to hitchhike when I went travelling at 17 and I was the one saying ‘it’s not that safe mother’. And DH’s mother has a lot of anxiety, but it can never be acknowledged and it’s painted as normal behaviour. She expects texts all along the way of a journey to let her know where we are. My DH though won’t play along at all, and she knows I am more of a weak spot and find it hard to stand up to her!! She has 3 daughters who all play her game so I try to just let her know when we’ve arrived and ignore the other requests. It’s very pressuring and I don’t like it. She also tracks some of her grandkids as they travel and I wouldn’t be allowing this.

I have never told my Mum when I have arrived safely anywhere so the whole concept is bizarre to me. She works on the no news is good news principle and assumes if there had been a plane crash or something she would have heard about it on the news. Appreciate this is an unusual approach though!