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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

360 replies

Gul8 · 04/11/2024 10:16

I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable to request to not share itinerary with MIL every time we go on holiday?

Me and my DH are in our late 30s/early 40s with 2 primary school age DC.
Last time we went on a long-haul holiday MIL called the hotel we were staying at in a stress to make sure we arrived OK (hotel staff told us at breakfast). We were jetlagged and arrived in the middle of the night and DH was probably exhausted from a long flight with little kids and was going to text her a few hours later at breakfast.

I feel its quite intrusive that my DH shares a full itinerary of where we are at our holidays.

My family don't expect me to even tell them we've arrived OK on a foreign holiday let alone give them an itinerary of our hotel stays. My family are caring but I think they realize we are adults with our own families and at some point in adulthood you stop informing your parents of your holiday whereabouts?

I realize this is due to MIL concerns for our welfare and her anxieties probably but AIBU to want to try to put an end to this and tell her she needs to find a different way to manage her anxiety around her son and grandchildrens/my children's whereabouts?

I've already told her it makes me uncomfortable when she asked for details of a holiday in front me a while after that long-haul holiday, she responded that DH has always done it (I didn't know!) and she just wants to make sure her son and grandchildren are safe.

OP posts:
SadSandwich · 04/11/2024 10:34

If your OH has always done it then let him continue to do that - don’t get involved. And my advice is that if she’s poking her nose into ur holiday itinerary then she will want to poke her nose into other aspects of ur life. Take a massive step back, let ur husband take the lead and information diet that is agreed between u and ur OH from now on.

Completelyjo · 04/11/2024 10:33

My family don't expect me to even tell them we've arrived OK on a foreign holiday let alone give them an itinerary of our hotel stays.

I think the problem is you are so far at the opposite end. Theres really no issue with letting a close family member know you’ve arrived at your destination safely, it’s not really overbearing and a fairly normal interaction.

GinnyPiggie · 04/11/2024 10:31

I hate this and I think it's quite a narcissistic thing, like the world is so dangerous and you are only safe with mummy. It's a shit message to give your kids.

I'd have to ignore it and not get involved.

Cynic17 · 04/11/2024 10:30

You are quite right, OP - she does not need to know, so no need to tell her. Holidays are supposed to be about "getting away from it all" not taking it all with you!

2Rebecca · 04/11/2024 10:30

I've never done any of this, I'll often mention we're going on holiday but then just post something on the family Whatsapp often a few days in to the holiday. Travel isn't that dangerous. All the "we've arrived safely" stuff after any long car journey/ travelling just reinforces the travel is scary and dangerous mentality.

Member984815 · 04/11/2024 10:30

It's probably what your husband is used to doing , so it's ingrained . I might send a pic or call home but some of my siblings wouldn't even know I was away. I wouldn't give anyone an itinerary or give them a blow by blow of my holiday.bod imagine most people would be bored by it . Mil sounds like she's used to knowing what is going on all the time , is your dh an only child?

ExtraOnions · 04/11/2024 10:25

I always put a text on the family thread… normally a picture of the “Arrivals” sign with “landed safe” on. There is time sat on the plane waiting to get off, or waiting for baggage .. takes 20 seconds

2chocolateoranges · 04/11/2024 10:22

I always let my mum know when we have arrived at our destination and then I phone her sporadically during the holiday.

i don’t give her an itinerary of where we are staying etc however when my gran was alive she used to give my uncle flight times, flight numbers and hotels ….just in case.

StormingNorman · 04/11/2024 10:22

It is probably second nature for your DH to placate his mum’s anxieties.

To be honest, I don’t really see how it’s intrusive for her to know what hotel you’re staying at.

Weeekender · 04/11/2024 10:21

We let our parents know we've arrived safely, and that's it. They don't need details of what we are doing and when.

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