MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

So, when your kids are heading off on holiday in 10/15 years time you won't care if they arrive safely or what their plans are 🤔?

We have a family whatsapp group for family updates on life. We all just drop in a message with flight details and hotel name, "just in case", then occasional updates - arrived safe, a few photos, heading home, etc. We all do it, no one minds people knowing where they are. I like to know people care about me, and as I care about others too it's reassuring to know where in the world they are and that they are ok. This is completely normal for a lot of families.

Oh god that's OTT. I think it is fine to know you have arrived safely and gotten home safely, but anything more I don't like. My dm took the liberty of ringing me while i was on holiday abroad to tell me she had caught a viral infection. You're on holiday to get away, I miss the days where mobile reception was poor and you could just say the signal is bad!

I always give our flight details and insurance details, in case we are in an accident and it is DC that need to contact insurance, etc

It’s batshit behaviour to be ringing the hotel. I’d be so embarrassed.

A text to say you’ve arrived safely is perfectly acceptable. Nothing more. If DH has always done this then it would be in his best interests to make the effort to do so even if it’s the middle of the night and he’s exhausted. I wouldn’t be giving her the name of the hotel and telling her why! She needs to find a way of managing her anxiety without letting it impact others.

It's not that hard, my partner regularly falls asleep sitting up in front of his keyboard in the middle of work, let alone remembering to message someone as an optional thing.

Same, I find it really weird. What is she going to do if your plane gets hijacked or crashes anyway? Turn into Captain America?

Maybe she's actually after your money and wants to know ASAP.

My parents don't even know if I am going on holiday, let alone the country, hotel or itinerary. As for ringing the hotel to check you have arrived. Lost for words. I would hate that level of interference. You are adults.

leave it all on your DH and ignore what you see as her intrusion.

How "Exhausted" do you have to be (I am a regular long-haul traveller for work) to not be able to move your fingers to WhatsApp (or whatever) your own worrying mother that you have landed, it's the middle of the night and you'll write again after breakfast?

I'm going to say something you don't want to hear.

He should have texted her 'arrived safely, lovely hotel, really tired, going to sleep now, trip to see the xxx tomorrow'.

I would always do that for mum. She does that for us.

Everyone happy, nobody worried.

That will be you one day, when your kids are backpacking in Thailand and you're frantic because they haven't thought to check in.

It's a fine line. I ask them to let me know they arrive safely and hotel name but i would never ask for further itinerary details.

I can see both sides. Just because our kids are grown up it doesn't mean we don't worry about them.

Your DH should tell her she doesn't need a full itinerary and to please not call the hotel, but in return he will always text to say you've arrived safely.

I would be fine letting her know we arrived safely and dh sending messages here and there about nice time is normal, bur shouldnt be full itinerary or a worry for her if he doesnt message constantly.

(Your kids are always your kids, whatever age)

Meh. I’m 60. Still let stepdad and kids know we’ve arrived safely/where we are.

Given your MIL is the anxious type, a text to say you’re safely there ( from DH) is fine and helps prevent the escalation to phone calls.
Full itinerary is too much , but again if DH chooses to share it before you go, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with your holiday, I would let it go as general interest.

If she progresses into other areas of your life, shut it down fast. My own MIL was like this. As pp have said, DH was so conditioned to it, it took him a while to understand how intrusive it felt to me. But we got there.

Her ringing the hotel is insane behaviour and I would use that to put a stop to this. Your DH's habit of letting her know you're safe is clearly causing more anxiety than it helps with

Bevause it sounds like a "we are staying here on this date" which I think is normal, and you're blowing it up to be a "full, every move we make itenary"

I'd tell parents arrived safely. After that depends on length of trip. If it was a 2 week trip I'd likely have called half way through for a chat (but generally called once a week anyway).

Christ no, I wouldn't be having that. 'We arrived safely late last night, speak you next week' by text is one thing, a quick call if you really must (I'm looking at you, DH) but a full itinerary is quite another. I'd find someone calling the hotel extremely intrusive.

Also very telling that she just wants to know her Son & Grandchildren are safe! No concern for you OP, you could have been kidnapped en route from the airport, doesn't sound like she'd be bothered

Full holiday itenary? Or just "I've landed safe"?

I text my mum when I have landed. She is a bit of a fusspot but it keeps her from worrying and I can easily do it. She used to do it for her anxious mum, finding pay phones and phone cards whenever we first arrived somewhere so it is much easier now.

Not sure I’d be sharing an itinerary because that sounds like overkill at 40!

Your DH grew up with this behaviour so to him it's completely normal, but we all know requiring a full itinerary of your 40yr olds family holiday is not.

YANBU