MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

Perfectly reasonable to let her know which town/city you'll be staying in when , in case of major unexpected disasters and she's worried that you've been involved. Possibly the flight details too

Whether or not you want to give exact contact details of the hotel is up to you - but before mobile phones it would have been normal to share these contact details before trips.

I’m 45 and regularly do a 400 mile drive, my dad always asks for a text to say when I have arrived there and when I arrive home safely. It’s just how some families work. I am divorced and live alone so it’s a safeguard against him worrying. I’m still his daughter at the end of the day. I think you need to agree a few check in points during your trip - say arrival, midway and when you’re preparing to leave - and get her son to text her, it’s not hard to do that for, abroad these days and if it puts her mind at rest then surely it’s worth it? A full itinerary is not required and that would annoy me too, my dad doesn’t know what meetings I am going to while I am up north, it’s unnecessary and I would find it intrusive.

I really don't understand why people want you to let them know you have arrived safely. If you are dead in a ditch they will find out soon enough surely?

texting a “we’re here all is well” message is normal

calling the hotel to check you’ve got there, is not

This sounds very much like my family. And others I know.

I do give my family a list of what we’re doing/ where we’re staying. But usually I give it to my sister and she does the same for me just in case there was an emergency. But my parents are both insane so I’m probably not the best person to ask! 😂

You are not being unreasonable but as she suffers from anxiety there is nothing to stop your DH texting her to reassure her and share photos if he wants to. I would not share the itinerary, just reassure her that if anything happened to you, she would sadly hear very soon.

I used to think this was unnecessary but then we have experienced several times we've needed that info - just look at recent impact of natural disasters on tourists - hurricanes in the US, floods and forest fires in Europe etc. if the worst happens then it's helpful that someone back home knows exactly where you are / meant to be. We've also had direct personal experience of loved ones caught up in tragedies including a tourist boat sinking so leaving an intinerary can be more crucial than you ever might expect.

It wasn’t to disagree with you but more to tie back to the OP

So do mine, they'll text to say they've got there ok and send the occasional photo.
Which is fine, and nice.
Knowing the hotel, ringing the hotel up to boot, and having their daily itinerary is next level though.

Its completely up to your H whether he shares it or not, surely? Unless she keeps turning up round corners yelling surprise!! It has no impact on you, so try to deliberately prevent it just because you think its daft when he's ok with it, seems unnecessarily controlling of you. I used to tell my mum every detail of what we'd be up to on holiday. She liked to look up the places. Perfectly harmless, and id have been annoyed if my husband had tried to tell me I couldn't do it.

At 94 (and some of the other she's mentioned on this thread) it's likely that she is worried about her own health and what could happen while you're away.

I'd cut some slack with particularly elderly parents, who probably don't use smartphones, who grew up with providing contact details, and who are dealing the with their frailties and thoughts of the inevitable.

What I can't understand is why people would be deliberately unkind. I don't know anyone in the real world who would refuse to take 30 seconds to reassure an anxious person. It's so depressing.

Just let her track DH on her phone, and you don't need to bother updating her on your whereabouts!

I always text my Mum when I land on holiday. Everyday she would message and ask what we were up to that day. I would say ‘off to the waterpark today, having a great time. Emily doing well with the swimming’. Next day ‘Hey Mum, hope all ok, hope Dad’s doctors appointment goes well, today we are going to the old town for some lunch then got a boat trip booked. I like to keep in touch on holiday, just peace of mind.

I don’t do it with my in-laws as they pay no interest. But I know I’d take ‘interested and involved’ than ‘distant and indifferent’.

It’s nice that she’s bothered.

Fucking hell, I'm a capable organised woman but when I'm on holiday messaging people at home is the last thing on my mind. I'd absolutely see a scenario in which I go to sleep and think I'll message in the morning.

fucking hell right backatcha. The DH grew up with this MIL. He KNOWS she is anxious. So instead of taking 20 seconds to message he ignores her. Then his wife gets all antsy at the MIL? fuck that shit
he KNOWS his mother will worry, he can send a short message, surely? The bar is so fucking low for men/sons.

I ask for a text from ds1 (28) to let me know he's arrived safely.

I don't want to know the full itinerary of an ordinary holiday, but I would ask for a rough one if he was intending to move through several countries, or do something like mountain climbing.

It was ingrained in me as a child, because two of my brothers were mountain climbers (and giving an itinerary actually saved the life of one of them) and another one was in a serious accident while away.

It's really not a massive deal to send a quick text.

Of course other it's her business she's married to him and it's her family's holiday.
It's madness MIL rang the hotel I'm not surprised she was embarrassed. I'd have laughed and told DH his mum is crazy.

calling the hotel to enquire whether a guest has arrived is completely stepping over boundaries and is not normal behaviour.

Id suggest your MIL has some therapy

also did the hotel inform your MIL you had arrived? that is a security issue and anyone working a hotel reception will be aware of not giving out guest information for reasons of safety

I wouldn't like this, can't see why her knowing where you are on holidays helps with safety.
I'd give a general info like we going to Barcelona or Germany but not down to area or hotel.
Any time we see MIL she seems to know everything her other son is up to that day/weekend does comment that we are not at all as good with communication so does not suprise me that there are families who are like this.
I'd text my parents every day or so generally send a message when on holidays, not as frequent but more so because I have a nice photo to send rather than they worried about me.

🤣 I'm already a MIL and my halo is super shiny.

My lovely DS & DIL let me know when they've arrived safely when travelling. And, shock horror, I get the occasional scenic photo. How very un-Mumsnetty 🙄.

I can't imagine giving either my mum.or my MIL the details of where we're staying or texting Mum to let her know we've arrived safely.

My mum has just come back from a 6 week trip to Australia, she did text me from the coach station at Heathrow to let me know she'd arrived but I think that was because she was slightly bored waiting for the coach. To be honest she'd never told me the exact date she was coming home so I wasn't waiting for her to contact me.

I'm in my 50s and my mum is in her 80s, and we've managed to holiday for decades without keeping each other updated.

We all share hotel details and flight numbers 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t see an issue. But then we all have each other on FMF too.

I do think it’s rude not to send a we’ve arrived text

They may sneak off for a few days here and there, but they get hell if it comes out... If they do go abroad, MIL stages a 'medical emergency' - she knows just the tricks to get herself admitted to hospital for checks - and they get stressed about it before they've even left.

They also try to take her on little trips with them as an 'atonement', thinking she'll go easier on them and 'allow' them to go, but of course, she doesn't, it's never enough... It's the FOG... Her DH has always wanted Mummy to love him more, and convinced DS to move closer to MIL as she aged, so of course she's just a resource for him to pander to her... 🤦‍♀️

Same here. That’s a reasonable compromise. But if DH wants to message her every day quickly I can’t see it’s a huge issue? The problem would be if she wanted the itinerary in advance and you thought she’d turn up!!