MIL wants itinerary of our holidays

I don’t think ur being unreasonable to not want to give her a full itinierary but checking in when you arrive I think is fair. Just because her son is an adult doesn’t stop her worrying about him. And it’s a very basic ‘hi arrived fine’ I always let my family
knkw we’ve arrived safely they would fret otherwise

I always let my family and best friend know when my flight has landed etc. If I didn’t, they would definitely message or call asking if everything was ok.

It literally takes a second to put someone’s mind at ease that cares about you.

I always ring my mum when we arrive, 1) my son has very bad anxiety and he likes his nan to know he's ok. 2) I have severe anaphylactic allergies and she's been on a plane with me when people haven't listened and I've gone into anaphylactic shock so she likes to know if I'm ok and how the flight was.
If it wasn't for these reasons, I'm probably would just text her.
Shes gone away today to Barbados and shell
ring when she lands, because I've got her two dogs so she'll check how they are and because my partner works at the airport she flew from and took them out to the plane and asked the crew to do an announcement so no doubt she'll ring to tell him he's a prick lol

I don't expect my dc to have any contact with me when they're on holiday but nowadays they do often post photos on WhatsApp etc. My parents did annoy me a bit this year as usually they leave a full itinerary (unasked) but this time I had the vaguest idea - they went on a cruise. This wouldn't normally be an issue but they left me dealing with my late brother's house sale (they are executors) and the estate agent kept calling me. Also my ds was taken seriously ill and almost died and I couldn't contact them. Nowadays I just think you can't just go off grid like that!

I thought about this thread yesterday-I went to have lunch with my adult son. He lives in a small market town, and my journey home to my empty house is a 4 minute walk along a quiet road, a 15 minute train journey, and a 5 minute drive. It was daylight and I am a healthy middle aged woman. As we said goodbye he said "text me when you get home"
I'm not sure whether I should consider getting him detained under the mental health act, or just go NC because of his overbearing and controlling ways. Or just smile indulgently and send a text saying "Thank you for a lovely lunch. Love you. Mx"

What do you think? 🤣

Different strokes different folks. My daughter & I are joined at the hip. No pressure from me or expectations but we chat on WhatsApp all the time & I always know where she is & vice versa.

People who are not as close as we are try to make out it's too much. It's not. It suits us both & we love sharing our good & bad & that includes holidays.

That said - she's an adult & if I didn't hear, I would never phone hotel. That's a leap.

Why would you be so nasty about it and make such a fuss over it?? Genuine question, I just don't get the anger. I'm guessing people who feel this way don't have this level of concern from their parents so either think it's weird or resent the bond between mother and son?? Other than that, why are you not wanting to tell her where you are? She's not the paparazzi.

Well from a ‘grandma’ ‘mother’ and ‘mother-in-law’ perspective can I just say that I always give my boys my itinerary and let them know when I have landed/arrived safely on holiday. I have always expected as a minimum that my sons let me know they have arrived safely - it is a common courtesy as well as a few texts throughout the holiday - hopefully with photos - of the wonderful time they are having!! If our sons had not heard from us they would be very worried and I know some people would find that ‘weird’ but that’s how family should be - looking out for each other!!!

I always call my mom as soon as we land. She doesn’t pick up (so I don’t spend any money on roaming) but it gives her peace of mind knowing I landed.
It takes 10 seconds. Take care of your MIL please.

It can be needy too. I asked her why did she need to know our hotel. "In case you needed". So sometimes they just hate to see you having a break. Sigh. I keep travel info vague now

lol. You seem sane.

I don't think you really understand the definition of 'itinerary' OP.

I don't describe leaving details of flights & accommodation in case of emergencies plus a quick text or call to say we've arrived & will be in touch when back home as not letting go. I describe it as being considerate.

Apologies wrong quote. I meant to add quote from poster saying 'sometimes parents need to let go'

Dear mil
We are away x to y date. We are staying at z hotel. You have our personal contacts should you need to get in touch.
Nothing more required. Sometimes parents need to just let go.

Eurgh I hate this. Unless you're holidaying in a war zone there's no need for any messages. I never message anyone when I'm on holiday because I want to forget about everything and relax. That type of behaviour just feeds her anxiety because it's not like she could actually do anything if something happened anyway. As a compromise if she really won't back off just message once to say landed and don't share any hotel/other details.

I have, and calling a hotel to check that they were OK in the absence of a routine 'landed safely' text is the sort of thing they would do.

It was completely normal in my family growing up to give three 'prangs' on the phone to let someone know you were home safe for even short trips IE from Grandma's house back home when phone calls to landlines were expensive. So it's just a continuation of that.

People who send a quick text or call to say they've arrived at their destination & share details of the flights & accommodation generally only do this when the whole family are away for a couple of weeks.

@Katbum "She is clearly very anxious and obsessive"
Oh, such bollocks. You have obviously never met a very anxious and obsessive person.

It was massively intrusive of your MiL to call the hotel, instead of texting her son and waiting 24 hours. She is clearly very anxious and obsessive. But ultimately it is up to your DH how he handles her anxiety. I would certainly ask him to make it clear she is not to call hotel except in emergency, and withdraw itinterary priviledges if she doesn't stop intruding.

I'm really surprised at the majority of replies on this thread. No one on either side of our family routinely texts to say they have arrived somewhere safely. What's the point? Routine travel is very safe. Presumably most on this thread aren't travelling to Sudan or Ukraine.

Pre-covid I used to travel very regularly for work. I can't imagine texting my parents every time I went somewhere for a meeting.

Presumably a lot of people on this thread started travelling in the pre-mobile days. Back then you would just send a postcard at some point, which invariably arrived at its destination after you had returned from your trip. Why do we now need to text?

Just let her know that you will let her know when you get there and are settled. End of. Any other communication should come from you casually as and when.

@OnlyHasEyesForLoki "I stopped doing this because every time we went on holiday I would get a message that one of both of my parents were desperately ill and “not expected to make it through the night”. Of course they turned out to be fine but they couldn’t stand that we were having a nice holiday and weren’t giving them attention. She is using a lesser technique of “being worried sick about you” but it’s still attention seeking behaviour."

But the OP's mil is nothing like that. Nothing. She wants a text, ffs! And has been getting one for years, without the OP even knowing about it.

I think you are being unreasonable if she simply wants to know you arrived safely. When my parents or the in-laws go away, they share flight dates/times/numbers, hotel names, addresses and contact numbers and they pop us a message to let us know they’ve arrived safely. But none of us expect a day by day, blow by blow account of where they are going/eating etc. that is ott

I don't know which hotels my kids are staying in but they do text me when they've landed

Your MIL has anxiety though and that can make people act irrationally (or what non anxious people would perceive as irrationally) so I'm not sure there's any purpose comparing her with the general public.

I'd just let dp deal with it and make sure you don't get involved. He clearly doesn't mind managing her this way though I can see why it would feel odd to you!