Top Unis - am I missing something?

Working hard is a good habit for your DD, which will help her to excel at whichever university she ends up going to. It's a good thing in itself, not only in terms of which university it wins her entry to.

Certainly having a degree from a university with a good reputation can be helpful, but I don't think they should be the sole purpose of working hard at A-level.

She is the kind of child who takes a while to settle and make friends. Which is one of the reasons she wants to live on the campus in a closer student community. I have no idea how often she will choose the option to visit home once she's enrolled, and neither does she. But she has to make her choices now.

All the more reason to focus on the university itself rather than its location. It really isn't an unusual situation, many (most?) students have to move some distance to tick the boxes they require from higher education, I remember how much the students who stayed local when we were growing up were looked down on because it was deemed as being so limiting.

If you're going to be an appropriate support for her you need to reframe your own thinking, it's a bizarre train of thought so don't pander to it, she's worked hard but the hard work doesn't stop at 18.

There are of course great options like Warwick, Bristol, Bath, Exeter. We visited and DD loved them and so did I.

They might not be Oxbridge but I would class all of those as 'top universities'. Your DD has applied to Cambridge; there's nothing more she can do at this stage other than continue to work hard and prepare for the entry process. If she doesn't get into Cambridge, her work, particularly extra-curricular work, will prepare her well for success at one of her other choices.

Oxbridge aside, London will be the best for her future if she can get in to UCL or LSE.

Find someone to talk her out of the campus experience - it’s really not what it was.

Has she spoken to any London students? Or visited the London options?

I found the student experience in London incredible- so much diversity and opportunity for widening experiences- I think it really grew me as an individual. University halls are usually pretty central too, so it's a rare chance to live cheaply in Central London for a year. My favourite thing was nipping to the theatre on a weeknight and picking up the cheap last minute tickets for a show! I'm sure there are plenty of political events that she could attend to inform her studies too. Travel links to everywhere too, so she can come home, or visit friends elsewhere in the country via train or coach.

Durham has been in the same place for a few centuries. I would have thought a child with so many A*s to their name could figure that one out

I did politics and then worked in the city / law. I had to write my subject marks and A Levels on every post graduate job application I did.

I also worked for an MP for a while - and a lot of my former University colleagues are involved in politics (consultants, working for NGOs / charities). No one needs high A-Levels for these jobs. It's about getting your hands dirty putting leaflets in doors on dodgy estates for 14 hours a day and doing your time

What does your daughter want to do at the end of her degree?

Durham to London isn't 5 hours.

I know two students who both did 4 alevels, mainly 9s at gcse, predicted A star, AAA and 2x A star, AA for alevel and neither got an offer from Durham.

The most important thing is that your DD does a course she wants to do at a uni she’s comfortable at.

This seems an odd worry to have. I went to Oxford baxk in the day but even then the offer was AAB and I had 4As. It didn't cross my mind to view the extra As as wasted effort. Perhaps your daughter is expressing sone dissatisfaction with her life choices, rather than with her uni options? Did she cut back on hobbies or social life and is now wishing she hadn't? If that's the case maybe ste could look into what the clubs and social life are like at the various unis and choose based on that? Though if it's politics that's her passion I would have thought London, or one of the devolved nation capitals, might appeal more. Has she considered options abroad?

You will probably get flamed OP but dd worked her socks off for A levels and got 3 A stars. She's going to Exeter and looking forward to it, but even she says she's not sure why she worked so hard as her friend is also going to the same uni in the same course and got 3 x Bs.

It depends on the course I suppose but I agree there seems to be a big gulf between Oxbridge and the RG.

Do you actually know that oxbridge candidates currently have better job prospects or have you assumed this? Equality and diversity are far higher on the agenda than they used to be.

You want perspective? Mine is that you are being very silly. The country is full of excellent higher education establishments suitable for clever, hard-working young people. Many of them will be within a couple of hours’ travel for your child.

My DS is doing a hard science-based degree at a good RG uni - he got 3 A stars for A level and 10 7-9 grades at GCSE and although he did really well last year he's struggling for his second year as it's so much more work. They're already preparing them for their dissertation etc.
I think you will find it's quite a big jump from A levels to degree level at uni even if you are brain of Britain. My DD found the same with her subject (whcih she subsequently dropped out of to do a much less demanding degree despite being a grade A student as well).

my dds had all 9s and As at A level and didn't go to Oxbridge. They weren't in the minority at all - plenty of people with top grades go to other universities and find it stimulating and stretching.

As to whether she needed to stretch herself - my dds just wanted to get the top grades possible. My ds on the other hand just got the minimum GCSE grades he needed to get into 6th form - he thought there was no point stretching himself! As a former high achiever, I don't get this view at all!

She is just wondering why did she need to push herself so much if that's her options

Didn't she realise what her options were from the outset? It can hardly have come as a surprise that her choices were littered due to her criteria?

Surely you just want your child to be happy rather than being an oxbridge candidate?! It sounds like you’re over invested in the academic credentials rather than the valuable experience of leaving home and getting independence which you didn’t have at that age. You’ve listed some great unis and lovely places to live.

DD had same grades. Passed test for Oxford and had interview but got no further. She went to Durham. Full of people from SE. Lovely small city that she loved. We paid for trains home which on the LNER were 2/3 hrs( we are central) so not too bad. She loved the college system. She still has her grades on her CV etc for life so don’t understand your AIBU.

Sounds like she'll be absolutely fine. Put ox/camb as top choices and populate the rest of the form with South eastern Russell groups which have a campus.
She works hard and is bright so she'll thrive. I'm not sure what you are worried about?

I think it may be shortsighted of her to choose on distance. She will grow up a great deal in three/four years. But one of mine could have done to be nearer home for the inevitable SEN disasters at university, so I appreciate that sometimes a shorter distance is a good thing.

(And I also have one who got into a very decent university with around half your dd's totted-up UCAS points, worked socks off to prove worthy of being there, and got a top first. Different kids, different challenges.)

I think she is obviously a high achiever but honestly she should go where she will be happy. Ds had 13 A* at gcse and high A level results and chose a former poly over Bath, Exeter and oxbridge. It was where he felt he fit and he had a great time and has just got a distinction in his research masters. His course was ranked in the top ten so it is not always RG that is best for the individual.