Top Unis - am I missing something?

I think uni is about so much more than the academic side. Living away from home for the first time, meeting loads of new people, being far more independent in how you manage your time and space. Plus a degree is so different to A Levels.

I think it’s good she has a great work ethic, it should mean she will do well wherever she ends up.

A gap year could be great if she’s not ready to make a decision yet but there’s still an entire academic year to go pretty much at sixth form and lots can happen in that time.

She could see what happens with Oxbridge but continue to be open to other unis. Working hard so far is amazing and she’s done great to get that A and be predicted A stars for the rest - but they are not in the bag yet and so i’d be considering why she’s already backing away from the idea of Cambridge for example.

Is she reaching burnout and having too much stress with the pressure of entering yr 13? If she’s already stressing about not being able to have fun and enjoy herself at uni - how sure are you that she doesn’t mean now as well? It’s a long slog to exams next year and a ton of pressure. So for me i’d be a bit more concerned about her A levels vs uni right now.

Was pushing herself her own choice or yours? I hope you're letting your daughter choose her University and not the other way around.

If she wants to study politics, both Warwick and Bath are in the top 10 - with Warwick currently ranking above Durham.

Warwick also has the highest student satisfaction rating, which IMO is much more important than perceived prestige. Research quality is high, which means she will be taught by some of the best researchers in the field.

Her prospects after university aren’t going to be hugely impacted by the university she chooses, but the work she puts in. And it sounds like she already has the work ethic that will be necessary to do well at any university.

What is her preferred choice at the moment? I would go with that.

If she wants a closer to home top campus university then she should accept the offer from Warwick. To be truly successful in life I suggest she drops the superior attitude that she’s developed.

Don't rule out the unis that offer a year in industry/year abroad - Oxbridge aren't set up for this. Can be such a valuable experience for employment prospects afterwards.

I work in investment banking, we recruit blind now (as do most banks), but before we moved to that, I saw hundreds of CV's from graduates applying to our grad schemes. Provided they had a 2:1,in a relevant degree, from a decent Uni, I was far more interested in extra-curricula, internships, part time jobs and how they performed at our own assessment centres and interviews. I have never, in 25yrs, made a hiring decision on the basis of what I perceive to be a 'better' Uni.

I would also add that 2 of the best new graduates I have met have actually come via an access summer course to university. They encountered terrible snobbery at university because people felt they shouldn’t be there (they just had the misfortune of attending a poor school). And yet in industry they were streets ahead with pragmatism, common sense and excellent planning. I do wonder if their life experience gave them an edge.
Its important never to look down your nose at others around you at uni based on grades, because you have no idea the path they walked to get there.

Dismissing a Uni because of five hour travel distance seems odd.

Dismissing other perfectly good universities on the basis that other students may have got slightly lower grades at A level is even odder!

Don't discount unis based on travel time liij fir the best course and uni that ticks the boxes.

DD has gone to Nottingham because she absolutely loved both course and campus it in open day. There were others she could have taken with higher grades but she chose the right place for her. Now she's joined the kayaking club and spends most of her weekends either socialising ir whizzing down rivers in the peak district and Wales so she's not coming home anyway she's too busy. You dint know what she will do when she gets there - is figured dd would something nice and safe like debating!!

From what younsay your DD has a good chance of Oxbbrige but if not places like Durham and St Andrews and Cardiff should not simply be off the agenda

The message implicit in much of this from OP, is that the focus has been very much on working hard and obtaining the best grades possible. Nothing wrong with that at all, but it doesn’t sound as though it’s left much room for leisure time, hobbies, interests and generally just being a young person getting together with friends.

From my perspective, university is about much more than the supposed prestige of a ‘ name.’ It’s about developing independence, coping strategies, learning to fend for yourself, learning resilience, planning time effectively and last, but not least, having an enjoyable and worthwhile experience with friends and relationships.

I think the daughter is correct, that the Oxbridge environment is less conducive to leisure time and experiences and she is less likely to have a rounded time there.

I don’t think that a university education should be simply about preparing for a career. Thats part of it, of course, but if it were simply that, every graduate would be finding employment in the area they studied and that simply isn’t the case. Unless, of course, you follow the degree by a post graduate qualification such as PGCE.

It sounds like she could do with a gap year to be honest OP. If she’s focused on the US, could she do camp America?

Isn't this part of adult life? She has ruled out some of options due to distance and now has less choices left. If there were endless prestigious options they wouldn't be prestigious any more!

It depends on the Uni and the student. When I went to Manchester in the 70s (a lifetime ago, I admit) the weekends were like deserts. There wasn't much to do and few people about. Students went home for the weekend if they could because so many people lived so near. I was an expensive train ride away from home and went home once a term, possibly.

You are totally ruling out universities all over the country because you want her to come home more than once a term. Then you’re glum about the seemingly limited choices left. It’s a self-created problem, really. Five hours is absolutely nothing and by talking about that as some sort of insurmountable obstacle you’re probably making her worry that she’ll be lonely and homesick and won’t cope without seeing you every four weeks. Many international students or those from around the UK deal with that if they go to Oxbridge. Time to encourage independence and have some Zoom calls! I travelled five hours to my uni and only went home every break - I’ve survived to tell the tale.

“She says she has been working hard during secondary school and doesn't want to be in a high-pressure environment and feeling inferior to super-bright students. That she wants to have fun at uni as well as study.” OP@OnTheRoll please listen to what your daughter is saying. A family member went to Oxbridge, crashed and burnt and has never worked since. My local, prestigious uni has,every year, students committing suicide . There is a fine line between pushing someone to acheive and pushing them over the edge….life is about far more than prestige, top unis, qualifications, none of which predict whether someone is going to become a healthy,happy,well balanced adult who has successful relationships and a successful working life.

You go to any Russell Group uni, your daughter will be just one of many with those results even if their “offer” was lower. That’s the beauty of it. They accept a wide range and everyone has different strengths, but plenty will be there with the same as hers. There might also be national/international standard athletes there for example. The offer is lower because they want her, not because they aren’t good enough for her!

Currently it might feel like at school she’s a big fish in a small pond.

At uni she will still be a big fish, but now in a massive lake.

Also there is more to working hard/results than just doing “enough” to get to the next step. In future graduate scheme selection could come down to those grades if there is no other differentiator. It’s also a valuable lesson to always try your best. And she has done, and got great results for it!

You sound humble braggy….

She’s hardly going to go to Harvard or anywhere overseas if she thinks Durham is too far.

She’s really limiting her options by being scared to be more than a couple of hours away from home. Most people surely only come home for holidays and not even then - I would often stay for the holidays, it was great fun. She’ll be 18/19, an adult woman. I’m sure you could convince her that a few hours on a train to come and visit home is do-able. You can fly from Edinburgh in 45 minutes to Heathrow!

Plus if she’s doing Politics (which I did at Bristol!) it’s a fairly easy timetable with loads of the work done in your own time, so she wouldn’t be restricted if she needed to travel back.

Help her spread her wings!

She's not the first young person to struggle with the idea of compromise. Often in life there is no perfect option and we have to weigh up the pros and cons and choose the best available option.

Your job as the parent is to help her see that, and that (clichéd but true) hard work is her own reward.

She's a very fortunate girl with lots of options. She'll be grand.

@OnTheRoll In terms of rankings, UCL is ‘better’ for politics but is not a campus university…

Your child wants good for politics, near the SE, campus - she should strongly consider Bath (top 10) and Loughborough (top 15).

Also worth remembering that your child’s (predicted) grades are not that unusual and many high performing students don’t end up at Oxford/Cambridge. She should still be very proud of her efforts and achievements; just realistic in her expectations.

Surely learning should be for its own sake.
Definitely. I went back to do a masters a few years ago didn't really need it for my career but felt after raising kids I needed to be challenged academically and do something for myself. Loved the experience, loved learning and developing again and pulling my thesis together. Did not for one minute think it was a waste of time (and money)

Then I think the Uni course is more important than the status of the Uni. You may well have done this but it's worth unpicking every course, all three years. Everyone looks at the first year options/topics but have a good look at yr. 2 and 3. Some courses are better/more interesting/have the topics you want than others.
Some of the none Oxbridge universities you listed are very respectable in their own right.
Get some really good careers advice to help with the course choice. DD's Politics teacher may be able to help, if she has one.

it depends if you think the only point to studying is to go to a 'top uni' - or if you want to just enjoy life, learning and then study a degree at a 'good' university!

Sussex is an excellent campus uni btw.

I wanted to go to edinburgh - didn't get it, got sussex and loved it - very 'political' uni if she loves politics - but from the more radical angle rather than the toffs and posh kids who will be at durham/ edinburgh/ oxford etc

You sound like a massive snob tbh.

I was that straight A student. I didn't do it for universities (other than a good course at a good one). Parental pressure and expectations was big for me. Some internal perfectionist issues.
Looking back now I really could have unclenched and got the odd B and been happier. Am not pushing my kids academically beyond getting what you need to get to next step.

I'm a little confused as to why she needs to be home so regularly? Isn't a large part of Uni learning to live alone without someone cooking and washing for you? A flight from Edinburgh is a couple of hours and often cheaper than rail. I'm hoping my DC will study abroad for a real life experience!

I think you and your DD need to give your heads a wobble and come back down to earth.

You are going to be dismissing some if the great Universities out there because you don’t think they are good enough. I’d like to know how you came to the conclusion that Bristol isn’t prestigious enough???

My DD has been predicted 3 A* and an A and is applying to Edinburgh, Bristol, Durham, Glasgow and Sheffield to do Astrophysics. The grade requirements at all her chosen universities are different, but if you look on UCAS the majority of students who have chosen this course at these universities have all got stellar grades.

Manchester has hit higher grade requirements than Oxbridge. That will tell you something.

Your DD needs to look at everything before applying, course structure, city, accommodation, distance from home and then make a decision on the best university for her. Not solely on the most prestigious universities as you have dismissed some great universities from your list