Top Unis - am I missing something?

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for a student to want to visit home from time to time and a fair few parents on MN with ND kids say that having their child not too far from their support at home is absolutely essential.

But the OP seems to want a Uni that's a) as prestigious as Oxbridge b) not London c) a campus d) within a couple of hours of home. Quality of teaching or student satisfaction regarding the particular course doesn't seem to be a consideration.

Like everything in life, it's a compromise, you can't have everything. Warwick sounds like it would fit the OP's bill but she seems to think it fails on a), goodness knows why.

And she has the predicted grades to make an application to Oxford or Cambridge a serious possibility if she wants to go for it.

She has applied to Cambridge, just seems she's currently got imposter syndrome cold feet about going there if she gets an offer.

My daughter was very bright. 11 x A at GCSE, 3x A, 1 x A at A level. She chose to go to Bristol. She wasn't the brightest one there...and their offer to her for an MA in Engineering was 2 x A* and 1 × A. She never thought it wasn't good enough for her and had a brilliant time. Uni is about the experience!

Your DD has quite a limited and fixed way of thinking about her degree choices.

If she’s written off Oxford, Cambridge and any of the University of London colleges, then what you’ve listed are all excellent choices.

And as for not going to a university because she might only be able to come home once a term? again, this is rigid overthinking.

But I suspect you are over influencing your DD’s potential choices. Back off. Edinburgh is an excellent university as are the UoL colleges. And she has the predicted grades to make an application to Oxford or Cambridge a serious possibility if she wants to go for it.

YABU - it sounds as though your views are dominating her choices. That’s not acceptable.

She did need to work as hard. As an academic at one of the unis on the 'great' list, it matters.

You can still be independent and self sufficient and enjoy coming home, of course.

If they don’t have SEN or physical disabilities they should be independent and self-sufficient.

DS is at Warwick and got four A*s at A level and eleven 9's at GCSE.

We lived in Cambridge and would have got a full bursary but he wasn't guaranteed a place and he didn't want to go to the interview. With Warwick it was straightforward.

Regarding travel, don't listen to people saying that you're being ridiculous. Five hours is fine for very independent young people and parents who don't have a nervous disposition (or empathy towards those who do). I find a 3 hour distance to be very challenging.

Do your dd has options, you don’t want to take them and are therefore suggesting what exactly… Warwick Exeter York? All closer than Durham to the south??!
Why would she be coming home a lot. Just stay up there?

one received a 2 EE offer.

That must have been a long time ago!

This. DD1 was at Exeter. We used to get a holiday cottage during October half term and take DD2 to visit her. I have wonderful memories of DD1 sitting at the kitchen table in this tiny cottage and us plying her with food/coffee whilst she wrote an important essay. She was so grateful as it was so much easier for her than her having to feed herself etc

DD2 I went and visited her in Scotland. It took me over 12 hours on the train but it was well worth it. Stunning views from the train.

I had fun as well as my DDs

Edited for appalling typos

My daughter went to St Andrews from Northamptonshire and loved it. The train link is actually very good if you are on the east coast mainline. They have a system for freshers where they have their academic family, older students who are their ‘parents’ etc. It isn’t a campus university but the town is the campus as it’s small. Lots of societies to keep them busy.

But terms are 10 weeks. And parents can travel to see their child.

It's generally easier for one student to travel home than parents, sibs, pets etc to travel to see them.
Mine never came home in term time but she said lots of her friends did for the odd weekend. Completely normal and unremarkable for some kids to want to do this! And completely normal and unremarkable some don't.

My twins went to Cambridge and did v well. It does open doors in lots of careers. It’s hard work there and they were v bright-one received a 2 EE offer. But, it’s very intense as the terms are only 8 weeks long. There’s time for fun but travelling home took out too much time for work and fun. They are collegiate.
Have you considered Nottingham? That’s campus based, mid England and has a good reputation.
Agree London unis require travel. I wouldn’t ever have travel time as a priority tho. You can get cheap flights to EdinburgH.

Re "feeling inferior to super-bright students" - most Cambridge students are not super-bright and they do have fun.

She's right however to identify that it is a higher pressure environment than all the other choices she is considering. She'd also learn more and have a world class education. And longer holidays.

Does she know any current Cambs students, or could her school put her in touch with some, to help her understand what the trade offs and benefits might look like?

I also second looking at Bath, Bristol, Sheffield - all around 2h by train from central London. Sheffield and Bristol aren't campuses of course, but both great cities. Sheffield has a very compact city centre and is usually at the top of students satisfaction surveys.

If you’re in the SE could you look at Edinburgh flights as an option for her to come home more easily? Some of the smaller cities with airports have dirt cheap flights to Scotland. Edinburgh has great tram and bus links to the airport and if you live near enough to an airport to pick her up then the distance might be less of a barrier.

DD got 13 x 9s 4 x A* and chose a course at the local uni with a ABB offer. She is doing very well and getting a lot of additional work experience. She rejected an offer from Cambridge. There is no 'best', just what is best for her.

I would say that having done so well in her a-levels sets her up very well for study at uni, especially in her first year. And then she can enjoy the social aspect of it!

Yes I did, sorry!

But terms are 10 weeks. And parents can travel to see their child.

I agree with you.
I think you meant to quote the poster I was replying to?
DD was at Newcastle, and for her Bristol friends it was cheaper to fly back to Bristol than get a train.

I think you have to be realistic that the academic standard of oxbridge ‘rejects’ at all the top unis will be high. I was a straight A student who didn’t get into Oxford but so were gazillions of people on my course. My nephew has 4A* and is at one of the universities on your list.i suspect most of the people on his course will have a similar profile. You shouldn’t have the attitude of oxbridge or nothing as so many brilliant young people don’t make it in.

A levels also do matter in the future. When I was sifting for interns I used to go back to gcse and a-levels as there wasn’t enough to distinguish between all the candidates with 2:1s from top unis and a clutch of extra circular activities.

Just go with which course is most interesting to her and how she feels about the place.

Politics degrees can be very different.
Personally, if she’s got a reduced offer from Warwick and she likes the course and uni, then why fill up any more spaces for the sake of it? None of my children put down 5. They all got their first choice - none liked Cambridge as a city or the course - so didn’t put it down. If they were going to be in that much debt at the end of it, we wanted them to have the best fit to have an enjoyable time and do their best.

I think the days of Oxbridge being an indication of ultimate cleverness finally went with Boris.

My child that would have suited the Oxbridge style (and I believe would have flown through the interviews) and achieved similar grades, didn’t go to uni as what they wanted to get on with their dream job and the job didn’t require a degree.

My children came up with their choices this way:

-Which is the best uni for their subject?
-What are their entry requirements?
-Visit all the possibles and see which city they liked the best, based on location, accommodation, social life.

It wasn't too hard and they came up with their 6, all Russell Group top 10.

One loved the city and didn't want a campus style uni.

The other was a bit indifferent to the city (they didn't get their first choice but did enjoy their time there.)

I think the issue here @OnTheRoll is that your daughter is muddying the water somewhat by not being ready to leave home. You've said so many things that point to this. And you're complicating it all by thinking that 'after all her hard work no other uni is going to be suitable.'

You're part of the problem.

4 A*s will count for diddly squat if she hasn't the social skills to cope with being away from home.