Top Unis - am I missing something?

It is many years since I was at university but the people who struggled most with homesickness were the ones who went home most often. This was true for both students at my uni and people I had been at school with. Going 'home' at weekends severely affects your uni friendships. If your DD thinks she might find it hard to settle then she would be better further away.

@OnTheRoll - ultimately, it just seems such a mistake to rule out universities north of Warwick. There are so many fabulous universities in fabulous towns and cities north of Warwick.

We’re in the south. Our elder daughter is at a Scottish uni. She gets back by train occasionally - she often uses the journey time to work. And with student discounts, the train fare is not too expensive. Flights take about 1 hour. It is very doable.

Just basing uni choice on distance from home is going to rule out a lot of really interesting universities and courses and is definitely worth rethinking.

My daughter was at school with one of these Oxbridge or nothing parent / child dysfunctionality. If your daughter thinks she can ONLY fit in with a specific type of person she might benefit from getting a job alongside her studies in order to broaden her people skills, as you say, her academic side clearly doesn't need more effort. I hope she finds somewhere she feels comfortable

OP - it would seem many posters have put words in your mouth or made unfair assumptions about your DD. The UK university system is fairly bonkers, for want of a better word, so you are not alone in your angst.

It would seem your DD is bright and hard working, like many, many students in the UK. She has applied for Cambridge and two campus universities, having discounted Scottish and London Universities, which is not an uncommon thing to do. Did your DD express a wish to apply to Oxbridge or was it pushed by her school? Again, many, many students with 3 or 4 Astar predictions don't apply to Oxbridge because they don't want to be in that environment for 3 years.

In your later posts you state your DD doesn't want to go to Cambridge and would be happy to go to either Bristol, Bath, Exeter or Warwick. Is it just you that has a problem with that and have you now been reassured by other posters that your DD won't stand out as academically special if she does choose any of those universities? She's not throwing her life away. If she does need the prestige of Oxbridge/LSE to forge an international career (once she is sure of her career path; they often change) she could apply for a masters there after she has her undergrad degree.

The really important issue is that no 'child' (of 18+) should reject a uni which ticks lots of boxes because of the distance, within reason.
IMO a 3 hour train ride is doable for a student or their family.

Terms are 10 weeks. Holidays are long.
Parents can usually manage 1 trip per term which means their child has only 5 weeks without seeing them.

Uni is about building resilience and independence not simply getting a degree.

It's about exploring new places and broadening horizons.

No one is being 'packed off' what a silly thing to say.

Without rtft just OP's posts

Sounds like your dd should have a gap year and regroup. If they feel Edinburgh/Durham are right for them then the distance issue may not be such a thing when they're a bit more mature

She's right that Cambridge will be EXTREMELY hard work, I have a dc currently applying to Oxford who has the same reservations and ultimately IF they get an offer it's theirs to accept or decline. Having said that, I think they're saying all this because we're in limbo right now waiting to hear if they has an interview so they're trying to convince themself it's not what they want anyway. Your dd may well be the same.

You're telling her Oxbridge will be fine because you obviously - and understandably - want her to go there, and it probably will be fine but it won't be the uni experience you get elsewhere. She'll end up in the workplace with colleagues who went elsewhere and still do brilliantly - so will still have the why did I bother feeling. That was my experience of Oxbrige and life afterwards, anyway ...

I have another child who failed to get into Oxford who's doing very well at a uni you're ruling out on distance grounds. They got four A stars and are by no means alone, it's a super-bright peer group. But they undoubtedly don't have to work as hard to stay top of the year and have a lot of fun on the side.

Hello. I can tell you from experience that students often way exceed the entry criteria. And the fact your daughter is likely to score well in a levels doesn’t really translate to it being pointless to have worked hard etc. Cambridge and Oxford have a lot offer but the style of teaching is not for everyone. The issue of having to travel is one you can attach a lot or little importance but most students don’t travel home that much in term time. London for Politics is brilliant as so much is accessible, government ministers giving talks all the time so something to consider. I think maybe your daughter’s criteria of what she wants is too rigid and I’d encourage flexibility.

This is very wise advice from @SunSparkle . I suspect your Dd has spent too much time studying and not enough on things like sport/ hobbies/ music / drama / part time job / volunteering . These things can help her mature, work out who she is and what she wants and learn some life skills that will help her at uni and in her career.

No bright child should have had to sacrifice everything to get good grades at GCSE - most of the clever ones get these grades as well as doing all of the above.

So either she’s not as bright as you think she is. Or she isn’t good at working out how much studying she needs to do. Or her study and exam techniques are poor. Or she is lacking in confidence and is using studying as a way to avoid other social situations.

Normally I’d assume that she’s doing all this work because she loves her subjects and finds them fascinating. But if that was the case, she wouldn’t think the work was a “waste of time”. And she wouldn’t be scared to go to a good uni in case everyone was cleverer than her. She would want to go to a top uni because everyone will be smarter than her.

So yes there’s something going on for her and she needs some advice and support, there’s certainly an issue . Just not the one you outline in your OP ( my daughter is too clever for most Uk unis ).

It sounds to me like a gap year might be worthwhile to have a little time to think about options? It seems like one of the main issues is not knowing how she will feel in September 2025 and this worry may cloud decisions.
A gap year, then applying for 2026 entry with grades in hand might be the way to go?

So really it's not that there are no choices, it's really your daughter is ruling things out/ discarding real options, due to distance / campus etc.
If she is putting up her own barriers that will obviously reduce her options.
Very few people will get the perfect choice, there's usually a compromise of something.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this repeats another post.

OP, I wonder if your DD is actually one of those kids who would really benefit from a gap year (which doesn't have to mean travelling of course!). I wonder if it would give her time out of guided education to mature, to broaden her experiences, and to see if she might indeed feel comfortable a little further away than she currently thinks.

Going to uni is a big jump, it's not surprising if many teens get a bit scared about the enormity of leaving home at the same time as pushing forwards in their education. I think an extra year to learn about the world and themselves can be very beneficial for some.

Yeah. Either they don't have a very welcoming home, the kids are packed off miles away, or they are talking boĺlocks.

Exactly! DS is as independent as they come but still loves a trip home for some food and cat cuddles. Some very odd attitudes here.

Hi OP, speaking as Mum of two recent graduates, one Oxbridge and one from one of the unis you have mentioned.

Oxbridge child was the first in the family to get into Oxbridge and we were thrilled . There are positives of course but with hindsight we all agree it is far from the be all and end all. Terms are short and very intense and there is SO MUCH WORK. Naively I hadn't realised what a heavy workload there would be. Lovely friends were made, exciting opportunities were enjoyed but I can't say I would encourage the application if we had our time again. I am glad this child is resilient because the Oxbridge experience is tough and several friends didn't last the course.

Child 2 had a fantastic student experience in one of the unis you mention, had way more time for fun, got a good degree and career, partly down to the uni's excellent links with industry. Had the grades for Oxbridge but wanted a more vocational course and has no regrets.

Good luck to you and your DD; hope she has a happy and successful few years!

OP I'm not sold on the expectation of coming home mid-term. Isn't it pretty normal to stay there for the whole term? There is so much going on at uni.

The reality is that the SE is a bit remote from the rest of the country - not much about that geography can be changed.

I may be way off the mark here, but what about UEA?
Norwich is a lovely city and the campus is great, lots of trees, and near beautiful parks.

Interestingly, a lot aren't.

Have you never met a nervous, unconfident 18 year old? Really?

I don't subscribe to the mumsnet mantra that all young people turn into self confident, independent, responsible and mature adults.

For the record, DD was a mature and self sufficient fresher, but loads arent.

Yes, one of my friends got a 2 EE offer for Oxbridge after being interviewed. In 1982!!

Oxbridge is the most prestigious but then I'd say Durham/Edinburgh/Warwick/York/Bath/Exeter/LSE/UCL much of a muchness to future employers. A bit course-dependent really. Adding things to the CV - SU/JCR roles, work experience etc will give more weight.

Look at the detail of what she's actually going to be studying- modules, lecturer areas of expertise etc. They'll all be slightly different. And the local area - will she be happy in the environment, is she likely to find the course interesting (because then she's more likely to thrive).

My sister did Politics and History at Southampton. Nice Uni, campus life.

You are incorrect. A lot of the lower ranked universities often provide better teaching.

Regardless of where she ends up, there's nothing wrong with her having worked and done her best to get excellent grades.

If she ends up at Oxford or Cambridge, she’s unlikely to have much time to come back home anyway. The terms are only 8 weeks long, and very full and intense. Maybe she would thrive more at a university which has reading weeks built in?

I’m an Oxford graduate and now work in a RG university, and I’ve advised my own kids in line with many others on here: look at the course primarily, but also the flavour of the institution itself. Does your child feel comfortable there when they visit? That’s important. If they’re learning with ‘their tribe’, they will fly!

League tables should be avoided at all costs - the margins between rankings are very tight, and they are only as accurate as the available data (ie not very).

The reason your DD should work that hard, even if she doesn't go to Oxbridge, is so that she'll be as highly educated as possible and will have the satisfaction of reaping the rewards of hard work.

Or she felt pressurised into doing it, and is trying to extract herself before it's too late.