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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be horrified at my menopausal weight gain?

118 replies

Midlifebloat · 04/11/2024 07:47

Late 40’s and I’m menopausal.

Ive been horrified at the weight gain on my belly!

I’ve always had a flat stomach. Pear shaped, but slim.

could eat loads and still be a size eight.

I’ve put on a stone in the last few weeks. All on my stomach.

AIBU for being horrified and thinking I can fight this decline?

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 05/11/2024 10:29

EarthlingNo4 · 04/11/2024 09:24

If you’re pear shaped, did you have those big tree trunky legs? Only it could be that your fat disposition has changed with the hormones

Nice 😂

Nothatgingerpirate · 05/11/2024 10:26

Cutting out alcohol altogether helps, not combining the stuff you eat (carbs and protein together) also.
Lots of this is in the head, too, so to speak.
(It depends how you feel about yourself in general).
My Gran, who was far from skinny when young, somehow managed to stay slim for the rest of her life, after having children.
I always wondered how. The only thing
I remember, she hated drinking with passion.
🍀

highfidelity · 05/11/2024 10:14

Perimenopause weight gain is usually on the stomach, hips and thighs because oestrogen is made in fat cells. For those who are still gaining weight while on HRT, it's because your dose isn't quite correct.

Losing weight is doable but it is so much harder due to the unbalanced hormones.

I gained 17 kilos during a year. It took me five years to lose it. It was a hard slog done purely through swimming, walking and very heavy weight lifting. Perversely, traditional cardio such as running, cycling and spin made me gain weight due to raised cortisol levels. That was a real slap in the face as I was exercising 4-5 days a week at that point. Additionally, I wasn't sleeping either, so that also aided the weight gain. Once I found the correct HRT, the weight came off, slowly and steadily, but mostly only once I started sleeping properly again. Lots of sleep is key to weight loss. I also ditched sugar and did intermittent fasting. I was never a drinker but if I had been, I'd have given that up too. I also followed Glucose Goddess and learnt to even out my glucose levels and stop them spiking. It was hard work but worth it - have regained my v. small waist and flat stomach, and fit into all my clothes again.

Soupwithstring · 05/11/2024 10:11

Hi OP. also menopausal, been on HRT for two years, plus I was in peri at least for 2yrs before that, am 46, nearly 47.

I slowly put on half a stone after starting HRT. Lost it in 4 weeks.
Did the same this winter. Lost it in 4 weeks. Still the same 9st12 I've been all my adult life.

I don't think meno has made ANY change to MY ability to lose weight.

I stick to a rigid 1200 cals plus lots of walking and some weights. I even managed to lose weight when I was laid up after surgery this summer, 3lbs despite literally not moving. I just stuck to my 1200 cals.

I watched my mum struggle with this for so many years but she didn't have the benefit of HRT so was definitely prone to weight gain.

To maintain I do pay attention to what I eat, don't eat biscuits at work or shop bought cakes (I make an exception for homemade). I don't like sugary stuff either except fruit which helps.

I'm not perfect. I went home last night and ate two handfuls of cashews and unsalted pistachios. Which is the sort of place my weight gain comes from. And if I eat dinner I gain weight. I generally eat most of my calories earlier in the day. I can't do 16:8 it makes me fainty.

But generally if I track my calories and carry on exercising it's OK.

I think it's not a bad thing to have to re-evaluate what and how and when we eat at this time in life.

Pusheen467 · 05/11/2024 10:11

Crushed23 · 05/11/2024 09:58

Depressingly I'm in my 30s and already find that any weight gain straight to my stomach (and face 😒).

I have to stay stick thin just to have any semblance of a flat stomach and definition on my face, and I'm someone who LOVES food.

Same. I've always been like that and even when underweight I still had a slight pooch. I lift weights and do pilates now and still have excess stomach fat on top of the muscle. I'm terrified of what I will look like in later life. It also doesn't help that I have no boobs.

Crushed23 · 05/11/2024 09:58

Depressingly I'm in my 30s and already find that any weight gain straight to my stomach (and face 😒).

I have to stay stick thin just to have any semblance of a flat stomach and definition on my face, and I'm someone who LOVES food.

TheRestIsEntertainment · 05/11/2024 09:55

This thread is so disheartening. I am 40 and now my youngest is finally nearly nursery age I'm getting a chance to take control of exercise and eating. I thought I was about to become the best shape of my life!

palepinkmermaid · 05/11/2024 09:54

I had the big M at 44 as was going through cancer treatment. I don't think i put weight on but was a stone heavier than i am now at 58. I changed my diet and attitude towards food a year ago. Only eat good carbs, lots of veg, some fat, low sugar. I'm a size 8 and was 8.10 last time I weighed myself. Feel I am at natural weight.

I do think as one gets older you have to eat less of the right food and up the exercise and activity. If I ate what i used to eat (inc heavy carbs) I would not be a size 8.

Partyrings123 · 05/11/2024 09:52

This is me, 43 and always had a flat stomach, whilst being a size 10/12. Now I have gained weight around my stomach (and elsewhere) and struggling to shift it. Really making me feel down. This week I've decided to take action as have a Christmas holiday so watching my calories closely.

Lentilweaver · 05/11/2024 09:45

I am ok with being a 12 when I used to be a 6-8, but what worries me with a family history of diabetes is that all my extra weight is in my tummy. Unhealthy and unsightly. If it was spread out I wouldnt care.

Anyway, have started lifting and may soon get a PT. At least I can try to evade osteoporosis.

Investinmyself · 05/11/2024 09:41

That’s a good point that while extra weight isn’t healthy neither is surviving on 1000 cals or cutting whole food groups. It’s grim and usually not sustainable and can lead to cutting out food that has benefits like avocado or nuts as just don’t have cals to spare.

Calliopespa · 05/11/2024 09:34

Surf2Live · 04/11/2024 08:27

and yet woman after woman after woman report that maintaining their weight becomes much harder, and this change happens exactly at menopause

and it's belly fat that is the hardest to shift

I do not think that all these women are just getting it wrong or don't know what's happening to their bodies

I think there is very little study done on this specific aspect of how menopause affects us

I’ve known so many women this happens to and it’s why the threads demonising/ shaming weight gain make me really annoyed.

It’s not always as simple as just being greedy or sedentary.

There are lots of studies suggesting people in the overweight category live longer. I’m not talking about obese, where health concerns do arise. I’m talking about the middle age spread type pudginess that so many people seem to develop despite not changing their lifestyle.

Wildcard: instead of wasting decades of self-admonishment and fretting, is it time as a society we accepted a little avoirdupois is a rite of passage that nature is fully on board with?

Also, a vaguely related point but I’m always hearing about Mediterranean diets being ideal, but to me it seems that a lot of Mediterranean ladies are slim in youth but reach a point where they too become “ Big Mamas!” I honestly don’t mean that rudely - would never think derogatory things about them; but I know a lot of, say , Greek and Italian ladies who are lovely cuddly older ladies.

I honestly don’t think thin older people look healthy. They always look gaunt and grey-skinned to me, not to mention crinkly.

Just a perspective for contemplation …

Surf2Live · 05/11/2024 09:17

Londontown12 · 04/11/2024 16:52

Cut out carbs !!!
eat protein cut of fat on meats so there lean and eat lots of veggies !!
keep breakfast and lunch small and all portions small !
48 ! menopausal and lost 3 stone in the last year also have arthritis ! If I can do it anyone can ! It’s hard but it’s worth it consistently is key here !
No wine 🍷 no lunches out or fancy frappes until near to target then u have the odd treat same with holidays enjoy them and get staight back on it when u arrive home it’s a lifestyle change that u can’t just stop when you have hit your goal weight ! Metabolism deffo slows down and as we get older we don’t use as much energy as we would in our 20s x

I did that. I cut out bread, potatoes, rice and pasta. I cut out all sugar. I had a bloody hard time entering Ketosis, whereas prior to menopause it was easy and done in 3 days.

For a great many of us it's just not that simple. We're all different.

And I'm a surfer. I'll surf happily for 3 hours. Surfing is mostly an upper body sport, my back, arms and shoulders are very muscular. The resistance provided by the water means regular surfing develops a LOT of muscle.

I still could not shift weight. Not until I cut out coffee, all alcohol, all daily and beans and corn.

That left a ridiculously restrictive diet that was completely unsustainable.

And that's the problem with diets. When they're that restrictive they are no sustainable. I was miserable, and the weight came off VERY slowly. That is no way to live IMO.

UtterlyButterly2048 · 04/11/2024 20:39

sausagesforteaagain · 04/11/2024 13:33

@KnottedTwine ! I got told that by an expert menopause health expert. Just sayin’

@Lentilweaver yeah you don’t drink….. I drink like a fish still so need to balance it up. The one meal is easy if you are busy and I eat fruit in the day. Also I don’t have to cook the one meal, that helps!

@UtterlyButterly2048 what is a macro ?

Macro is short for macronutrient. Basically, protein, carbs and fat. I have a daily amount of calories to eat but that is also broken down by macro. Very different to keto in that carbs do feature, bread and pasta is all good but I prioritise calories from protein and make sure I hit my protein “target” every day.

MargaritaPracticallyCan · 04/11/2024 18:38

The only way I can keep my perimenopause belly in check is by eating no carbs, no sugar, limiting my eating window (therefore limiting overall calories), drinking 2l of water a day, no alcohol. It's absolutely no fun whatsoever, so I do a 'light,' version with intermittent fasting during the week, low carbs, limiting alcohol to a couple of glasses of red at the weekend if I fancy it.
I work out daily (body pump/balance/pilates/swimming) and walk a lot with my dog; I'm a healthy weight and strong due to weight/resistance training but the belly is a law unto itself!

Movinghouseatlast · 04/11/2024 18:06

During peri and menopause our bodies crave oestrogen. Oestrogen is contained in fat cells so our bodies desperately try to create fat. This will vary from woman to woman of course but that's why we put on weight according to my menopause specialist.

I only burn 1400 calories a day these days so to lose its 1000 a day. That's all that worked for me. Also stopping doing to much Cardio exercise as this can raise cortisol levels which can lead to weight gain.

Tge whole thing is just miserable really.

Juniperberries200 · 04/11/2024 17:54

I'm coming 60. My weight gain seemed to happen overnight. One day I could pull up my skinny jeans no problem the next I had to wiggle them over my thighs. I hate the feel of neat clothes. I've gained 10lbs and am only 5' so it's really noticeable. Rings of fat on my back, midriff and thighs.

I wasn't a big eater and have been cutting down for the past 2 months. Haven't lost an ounce.
edited to mention my age.

sausagesforteaagain · 04/11/2024 17:46

I would so cut our carbs but have two teens in the house. Makes it tricky

GuestWW · 04/11/2024 17:26

We need to build muscle mass, it isn't about running long distances, it is about lifting weight. This helps build and maintain a faster metabolism.

HellsBells67 · 04/11/2024 17:21

Londontown12 · 04/11/2024 16:52

Cut out carbs !!!
eat protein cut of fat on meats so there lean and eat lots of veggies !!
keep breakfast and lunch small and all portions small !
48 ! menopausal and lost 3 stone in the last year also have arthritis ! If I can do it anyone can ! It’s hard but it’s worth it consistently is key here !
No wine 🍷 no lunches out or fancy frappes until near to target then u have the odd treat same with holidays enjoy them and get staight back on it when u arrive home it’s a lifestyle change that u can’t just stop when you have hit your goal weight ! Metabolism deffo slows down and as we get older we don’t use as much energy as we would in our 20s x

Totally agree with all this. Am 57, don't have carbs often at all, only wine on holidays and nights out which are not every week. Gym with trainer twice a week. Just back from a weeks holiday where I had what I wanted, but strangely I didn't crave carbs at all. Back in the groove again.

Londontown12 · 04/11/2024 16:52

Cut out carbs !!!
eat protein cut of fat on meats so there lean and eat lots of veggies !!
keep breakfast and lunch small and all portions small !
48 ! menopausal and lost 3 stone in the last year also have arthritis ! If I can do it anyone can ! It’s hard but it’s worth it consistently is key here !
No wine 🍷 no lunches out or fancy frappes until near to target then u have the odd treat same with holidays enjoy them and get staight back on it when u arrive home it’s a lifestyle change that u can’t just stop when you have hit your goal weight ! Metabolism deffo slows down and as we get older we don’t use as much energy as we would in our 20s x

DieDreiHexen · 04/11/2024 16:46

I second going to the GP just to rule out anything nasty.

I was in a similar position in July. I'd 'only' put on 7kg between 40-46 but every ounce was around my middle.

I've lost 6.5kg on intermittent fasting and am now maintaining with a sensible diet and not too much booze.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 04/11/2024 16:43

I hear you OP. I put on a lot of weight and I was not eating that much. The only way I can control my weight now is to only eat twice a day. Usually breakfast and lunch. I'm now over a stone lighter doing this.

MissHalloween · 04/11/2024 16:36

For me it’s all about the bread, if I eat it, I have a gut, if I don’t my stomach is not too bad. I still have a proper waistline and don’t have the menopause shape yet, I am 55.

So the sensible thing would be to not eat bread, have I ever been sensible, have I heck?!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/11/2024 16:29

Investinmyself · 04/11/2024 13:43

Yes. It’s a very distinct type of gain very different to just gaining weight through overeating. I’ve had a young pt tell me it’s a myth and bemused I couldn’t shift weight on her cals and exercise plan. It’s like a slab on your front. I have no waist.
It’s definitely far more complex than cals in and out.

Thanks - that’s how I feel - like I have a massive belly just slapped on the front of me.

It makes it difficult for clothes to fit well too!

I also have PCOS which I suspect makes it worse.