To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

It sounds lovely.
Sounds much more structured than your typical backpacking trip, and therefore safer.
It's a great balance of time for herself and also learning opportunities in different locations and cultures that she can add to her life experience book from a young age.
She sounds very lucky. Are you sure you're not slightly envious ? 😆🤭

You sound very judgy.

I'd rather my dd did something similar as a safer gap year than being exposed to potentially dangerous men in shared accommodation these days.

It sounds like you & your husband were the ones interrogating them! In your opening post you mentioned "we asked" twice... They don't sound like they are bragging & I doubt their daughter is unusual in their circles. I read Anna Karenina in my teens, no big deal, I also read plenty Jilly Cooper & Jacqueline Wilson.

Lucky girl - what a trip.

This is not really about the merits of what this kid is going to do on her gap year is it. It's about the wider truth, that it stings a bit when you hear of kids who are given so much when you can't do the same for your own.

I'm sorry to say it continues all the way through, too:

At uni there will be kids who get bought lovely new cars while other kids get the bus.

Kids whose parents give them a generous allowance and other kids trying to have the same fun on a basic budget.

After graduation there are kids who live in the family flat in London, rent-free. Spending all their earned income on socialising, clothes, trips and treats (and buying the drinks for everyone, and drugs) while others still live like students because they're paying huge amount in rent and bills and barely have enough left over to feed themselves. Still having to buy their clothes in Primark when their pals have moved up the fashion food chain.

Then these kids are given the deposit to get on the property ladder while others have to sacrifice and save hard for a very long time.

My kids went straight from school to uni to work. They had Saturday jobs in the sixth form and worked all through their university holidays. They budget, plan and save and stand on their own two feet and are flying in their chosen careers. Some (not all) of their friends - the kids who I have seen be given the most, materially - don't seem particularly happy with life. In fact some of them seem a bit lost - not settling at anything and still planning on 'going travelling' (again..) into their 30s, because it's still an option. Their parents are STILL rescuing them from having to deal with the responsibilities of adult life.

Fair enough I guess, there are many different ways through in life. But I do think that being given too much can infantilise young adults at a formative time. Rob them of taking a pride in their growing independence.

Turn inwards and focus on your own lovely girl. Do what you can for her but be honest and open with her about the realities of finances - it's a really good lesson for her. Real life has to kick in at some point and this is a good time.

Sounds fucking brilliant I'm jealous

Ugh, I had read those by 18 and I'm not even a literature lover? Very common in Europe.

Somehow your updates make you sound even worse-

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You also sound so petty, judgmental,bitter and unkind.

I did a gap year in South America (I was older though), plenty of 18 year olds on the wine tours in Argentina, and enjoyed trying new foods in Peru and other countries.
i also read lots of classics as a teenager, in my school that was the norm not the exception. And I grew up in a working class family and went to a normal state school.

Does she have peers to travel with? I can imagine Greek Island hopping and New York wouldn't be great fun without peers to be with.

I know the classes are good i that you socislise with the other students. Some of them may be a lot older, but she will become more rounded, sicialising with all ages.

I would think a safe way of volunteering or working for a few months would provide a good experience and she would mix with other young people e.g. Camp America.

You seem to have strangely fixed ideas of what 18 year olds like. When I was 18 I definitely enjoyed wine tasting and fine dining. Was more than capable of reading some classic literature, too.

That's the issue, I think. They are succesful and OP is not as succesful in her eyes. Though I think success is not just about money and holidays.

Such a weird attitude to a young person. Dd2s best friend is insanely beautiful from
a family of billionaires. Op would combust if she met her. Genuinely delightful girl.

Aah, the green-eyed monster. Classic

Aren't all gap years extended holidays, simply with a lower budget?

Although the thing that stands out about this story is that the parents seem to have timetabled the whole thing. Will the child ever break free from the gilded cage constructed for them by their parents?

So how can you have such an issue with their “privilege” if they’re both self-made??

What type of "gap year" do you think young people should be doing? A poverty safari where she would bless the children of developing countries with her 18 year old wisdom and physical prowess.

Her gap year affects you in absolutely no way. You do you, let others do them without judgement.

I don’t really understand why you would question this? I read these in sixth form - Anna Karenina was one of my summer holiday reads by the pool 😂

I don’t know why I’m find that so funny. Maybe ‘practising my skateboarding in Winchester’ is code for something…

Sounds great. When I was at uni in Winchester I met a guy on a night out, he was part way through his ‘gap year’ of practicing his skateboarding, in Winchester (where he lived with his family). He wasn’t working to support himself, just spending his days sleeping and skateboarding. That was pointless!!

Do you want her to do nothing? Why wouldn't her parents spend their money on her? They want her to have the best life they can give her.

I think you are being quite narrow in saying an 18 yo wouldn't enjoy cooking lessons/wine tasting/ literature/museums. One of my DDs loved all of those things at 18 and self funded an inter-railing holiday that incorporated a tour of First World War museums and ended up with a tour of French vineyards. Her sister loved literature, quite likes wine tastings but avoids cooking lessons and museums - sweeping generalisations about what any age group likes are inevitably inaccurate.

You are also being judgy and jealous about her parents preparing her for a corporate lifestyle. If that's her real world and the world she is going to continue to live in, that's what exactly she should be preparing for.

Only one of my children took a gap year. It wasn't 'typical' because she spent it working in M&S to save for uni. it wasn't what many people would think of as a gap year but it was still valuable experience. This girl's gap year experience will also be atypical but that's OK. It will set her up for what sounds like an atypical life. Lucky her

I don't understand why the OP is getting so much flack. There is nothing wrong with what the parents are doing other than it appears they are giving their daughter an extended holiday rather a typical gap year experience.

It says more about you than her if you’re unsure whether an 18 year old could have read these…

You sound horribly jealous. I don’t blame you for that, I’d bloody love to spend a year doing exactly that but sadly can’t afford to. But you do need to stop being bitter. Nothing you’ve said suggests she’s a horrible person, and (having done the backpacking thing) I fail to see how staying in a nicer hotel would have made the experience less enriching…

I hate to break it to you OP but this lucky young girl will probably have the time of her life and come out with a whole bunch of fantastic life skills. She'll probably end up doing very well in life.