To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

The comment where the OP said what her husband did and didn't "mind" their friends doing for the girl doing the gap year shows that they actually feel like they should be part of the decision making process. They are invested in this girls future because they want families who can do this kind of thing to be guilted into not doing it because "we can't so it's not fair" and they wanted the good people of mumsnet to carry on such a rallying call.

It's similar to the school fees debate. The Govt are hoping that making that more expensive as well as pitting people against each other (again this new mentality of you can do it and I can't and it's not fair!!) will guilt people like us who use that system into thinking it's a lost cause and half their job in destroying the private school system is done. Thing is it's not really working cos those of us that can will just stand firm and stick together.

It's all part of the same thing. Make everyone angry cos someone else has something else that you don't have. Respond to a Govt rallying call that it should be made unacceptable/illegal/taboo. Don't argue so much when draconian rules governing what people can and can't do with their own cash is put in place. Everyone in servitude to their Govt masters who saved them.

A gap year spent backpacking round distant lands would have been my idea of hell at that age. All these years later, it still is.

Of course it’s okay - they’re able to afford it and want to spend their money on it.

Being from a wealthy family and living a wealthy lifestyle doesn’t prohibit someone from learning those skills, and being from a financially struggling family doesn’t mean that someone will learn them. If her circumstances change she will of course have to adapt, but it isn’t necessary for her to have a trial run. After all, people in the UK usually haven’t experienced war, or poverty at the level of South Sudan, but they’re not typically send off to have a go at either ‘just in case’.

Her lived experience reflects her reality, the same as the rest of us.

I’m head of first year in a large humanities department at a large university with a very mixed intake. I can assure you that lack of resilience, imperfect budgeting and failures in problem-solving are in no way restricted to the children of the rich.

I can’t believe how many people think this kind of ‘gap year’ is ok and that there’s no problem with it! Of course it’s not up to op to meddle, but she is allowed to have an opinion and that’s what the question is about.

Why is she “allowed an opinion”? It’s not her money. It’s not her time. It’s not her who will have to organise anything or pay for it.

Why doesn’t she just get on with her own life and keep her bloody beak out?!

I can’t believe how many people think this kind of ‘gap year’ is ok and that there’s no problem with it! Of course it’s not up to op to meddle, but she is allowed to have an opinion and that’s what the question is about.

I agree with the op’s view that this gap year is over-indulgent. I question how this teen will ever develop skills such as resilience, problem-solving, budgeting, etc. Although it sounds like her family are wealthy, she may not always be in this position, and if she falls on hard times, will she have the skills and qualities she needs to get through?

What we enjoy isn’t always what‘s best for us.

As others have said, I don't understand why the op is so invested in this girl's life. It's entirely up to her, and her parents, what she does in her gap year. It sounds good to me. Just accept we all do things differently and move on, it's nobody else's business.

What’s a c@w?

So did I. You cannot put both books in the same category, Anna Karenina is a romantic novel. War and Peace is something else altogether.

You sound like a bitter, twisted, jealous old c@w.

I read both at 14 🤷

It sounds amazing. I’d love to do that.
you sound bitter and jealous. It’s none of your business what she does so be happy for her or shut up.

Sounds bloody great!
I'd have loved that at 18 and I’d still love that at 44.

And people in poverty don’t understand poverty at the levels experienced in South Sudan. Why do they need to ‘understand it’ as a lived experience? They don’t.

She’s not going to work in a ‘regular job’ - she’s being primed to work in her parents’ business and eventually, I imagine, take over. Her life experience up to now reflects the reality of it, which is a wealthy one. She doesn’t need to ‘live poor’ to satisfy those who thinks she should have to because they had to.

It's nice she's having an enjoyable year before the decades of work, drudgery and misery of adulthood!

I can see you turning green from here ! Sounds amazing to me they have the means so why not and I can't believe you compared London to NY that made me snort !

Why wouldn't it be true? I'd read both those, and plenty more similar, by the time I was 16.

Sounds lovely.Why can’t she have a fun and interesting year? Too many middle class kids go on pseudo’ volunteering’ trips simply to showcase their worthiness credentials anyway. The girls trip is no more indulgent and pointless than pretending to build a classroom in Ghana or ‘teaching’ orphans somewhere . I hope she enjoys herself.

Gosh! Lucky her. I guess if they can afford it then why not, in a way. How enriching it turns out to be will depend on how she approaches it.

Are you jealous? Honestly what on earth has it got to do with you? If they want to do that let them crack on and maybe work on why this bothers you so much. Lots of people get jobs in family businesses

It is also the sort of gap year that will find her a rich husband no doubt. Sounds like something from the Talented Mr Ripley. Of course I typically spend January through March at the lodge in Cortina but this year we are thinking Verbier. Christmas? No, I always spend Christmas in New York. Maybe we will see you in Florence in September? We will be in Tuscany for most of the summer this year.

My god that sounds like a perfect year. I am very envious. Are you sure you are not just a little envious here?

I can see the point that slumming it around Asia etc. would probably build greater resilience for life, greater independence etc. Problem solving abilities.

But my god that year sounds amazing. And to be honest safer.

That's little to do with affluence and everything to do with poor parenting.

It doesn’t sound like it’s of any consequence as to what your thoughts on the matter are so…

Young affluent people may see poverty, whether in Sub-Saharan Africa or the streets of their own city, but it doesn't mean they understand it!

My household is just a normal working household, we have to budget and watch what we spend, can't afford many luxuries, but we have all the necessities of life. Absolutely nowhere near poverty - we're just a regular family that has to work for a living. My son had a friend from a very wealthy family round one day. A nice, pleasant boy of 11. He asked why we didn't have a playstation or a pool. My son said "Because my parents can't afford it". The friend could not comprehend that some families can't just afford to go out and buy whatever they desire as soon as they want it. Actual poverty would have been beyond him.

His situation is similar to the girl in the original post - his father built up a tremendously successful string of businesses from nothing. There is a real risk that the kids will take it all for granted.

The girl in the original post would be better prepared for adulthood by working in a regular job for a year, having to turn up and be reliable, and managing her own cash. It would help her become a grounded, well-rounded adult, in a way which all the cultural, luxurious experiences in the world never will.