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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me I'm not alone

64 replies

Mememoo · 03/11/2024 23:07

Hi all, not sure what I want from this really I'm more curious but I suppose also want to know (hoping) I'm not the only one, and any advice is always welcome too. Everytime i search zero sleep with newborn i get threads come up with mums complaining about lack of sleep because all they get is 2-6hr stretches a night. When I say im getting no sleep I literally mean NO sleep (unless u count my head bobbing and having to jump up because I've dozed off holding baby on the SOFA I knowww u can't make me feel worse hold the mum shaming PLEASE 🙏 !!! so basically my baby is 4 weeks old he sleeps pretty much allday in his moses basket, other than waking to eat (he eats alot he never lost weight after birth) probably every hour but goes straight back to sleep after but come nightime he'll still sleep but wont be put down in his moses basket he literally just wants to be held constant and everytime i try he will wake up within 10mins max and only settle if I feed him again so I literally get zero sleep. He eventually settles down and allows himself to be put down around 6am (sometimes) which is not long before my toddler (21months) wakes up for the day?! Anyone else gone through this? How did u cope (I don't have a village to help) what r some quiet activities i can do to keep myself awake whilst holding baby? If it helps... Hes combination fed and IM NOT and will NOT co sleep. Hes my 3rd. Norn by C section .Thanks in advance sorry for long post 🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
Mememoo · 04/11/2024 00:09

Thanks for all the advice guys, yes I've tried swaddling and no swaddling he doesn't seemed fussed either way lol yes he's got a dummy that's a must in my eyes as a safety thing for sleep. .e and my husband were doing shifts but he's gone back to work now, he tells me to wake him up at 2-3am but i feel sorry for him. Yes we have massive windows so plenty of sunlight but midwife said to let him sleep as he's still to young to learn the difference between night and day yet and hel automatically adjust on his own when he's ready. C section recovery...I was walking same day and home the next and up and about normally after a few days because I felt fine no pain etc considering I was dreading it as it was my third one was expecting alot of scar tissue and more pain but no my easiest one yet, although I'm on blood thinners and I started bleeding heavily and ended up in a&e who said i need to rest and to also stop lifting my toddler until atleast 6-8weeks sooo 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/11/2024 00:00

You are definitely not alone. With my second I bought this special cushion thingy that cradled her perfectly. It was quite high so I couldn’t roll on her, and she was firmly strapped in so couldn’t roll out. So I brought her into my bed, safely in her special cushion, and sort of cuddled her in that. It wasn’t the most comfortable way to sleep, but it was better than no sleep. I can’t remember what the cushion was called, I think I might have imported it from France. If you’re going to try it it’s important to make sure you’re well wrapped up so you can sleep without bedding, then you can’t accidentally cover baby while you’re sleeping.

The other suggestion I have is to try keeping your baby awake more in the day.

isthatmyage · 03/11/2024 23:54

OP best advice I had as hard as may feel at the time is to keep them awake though the day and gradually shift their rhythms to 7am to 7pm however hard it feats at the time. Their body clock will adjust...it's really blinkin tough and hard but does work...done this x two kids xx

Westofeasttoday · 03/11/2024 23:52

Mememoo · 03/11/2024 23:42

Also might add im housebound ATM my toddler hates the buggy and screams in it when we go out and having a. Newborn in a sling and still recovering from c section i can't be carrying toddler and bending and chasing after her If I let her out the buggy, and we don't have a garden, so im not even getting much fresh air during the day to get active and stay alert

Edited

Sorry to hear this. A few things the midwife told me (and apologies if you already know and have tried). Your baby might need comfort and just need to suck so a pacifier might help? I was so against it but it totally did for me. I was also told to get the baby into sunlight to help with circadian rythms. If you can’t push around outside then maybe out baby near a window (out of direct or danger of sunlight of course). Can you get one of those baskets that attaches onto your bed so right beside you but not in your bed? You can then just put your hand on baby and not worry about potential co sleeping issues. Use a sleeping bag for baby and/or wrap baby to make baby feel in womb and signal bed time.

After four weeks of a c you should be able to be bending fairly comfortably so you may want to mention this to your health visitor. It does eventually start to change. Good luck.

Heronwatcher · 03/11/2024 23:51

I would try
Swaddling loosely whilst feeding then put next to you in bed. Make sure bed is warm (you could try putting a hot water bottle there briefly)
Co sleeping- try a next to me cot but co-sleeping in a bed with a non smoker is really not dangerous if practised safely.
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/You
Swapping with partner- if you can go to bed at 8/9pm and then sleep to 2am, then you take over with the baby and he gets 2-7.30 ish that would really improve things and both of you would be getting enough sleep.
Nap in the day- either pay someone to take the baby for a couple of hours or nap
shen baby does. Batch cook at the weekend and don’t spend precious nap
time cleaning.
Make sure baby is out and about in the daytime, on walks, in cafes, activities when old enough. Sounds like his circadian rhythms might be a bit off- so he needs plenty of sun and noise in the day to
reset them.

But most of all, remember this will get better so just take each day as it comes.

Original poster
Mememoo · 03/11/2024 23:42

Also might add im housebound ATM my toddler hates the buggy and screams in it when we go out and having a. Newborn in a sling and still recovering from c section i can't be carrying toddler and bending and chasing after her If I let her out the buggy, and we don't have a garden, so im not even getting much fresh air during the day to get active and stay alert

OP posts:
Original poster
Mememoo · 03/11/2024 23:37

Thanks everyone, I'm a really deep sleeper who moves around alot amd also heard it's not good for bottle fed babies?? But anyway how does it work for you all he literally wants to be in my. Arms not next to me or close to me but actually on me?!

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 03/11/2024 23:22

Co sleeping is the answer, whether you like it or not. Or putting the moses basket in your room and sleeping in your bed during the day. If the toddler is at home then you'll have to coordinate naps or do it whilst they are at nursery. It is a phase and won't last forever

Also if you are nodding off in microsleeps do not drive.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/11/2024 23:19

I had one like that. I know you said you don't want to co-sleep but that was what worked for me.

toastandtwo · 03/11/2024 23:17

I had two the same and I’m sorry to say it was only Co sleeping that worked. But if you won’t do that… take shifts with your partner? Say you sleep 8-12 and then again 4-6 or something like that?

AutumnLeaves24 · 03/11/2024 23:17

It's better to co- sleep safely than to fall asleep holding him on the sofa.

you need to rethink your decision on this.

AnonymouseQuestion · 03/11/2024 23:13

One of mine was like this but I’m afraid I solved it by co-sleeping (with no blankets or duvets to be safe). When covering they slept for good 3 hour stretches between feeds.

Conniethecatapillar · 03/11/2024 23:11

I'm sorry it's so hard. I remember it well and it was bloody awful..the only suggestion I had was co sleeping as it's the only thing that meant I got any sleep at all but I just read that you don't want to do that and I totally understand as it's not for everyone.

HEIHEI23 · 03/11/2024 23:10

I don’t have any help but I just wanted to send positive thoughts your way. I’m currently massively struggling with sleep and it’s the hardest thing in the world. I hope things start looking up for you soon.