Please tell me I'm not alone

I was going to suggest getting your DH to do more so you can sleep when he's home, would this be possible?
You've said you don't want to get him to help, is that specific to full shifts or is he able to take over for a few hours after dinner so you can have a decent sleep before the night time waking? I suppose everyone has different meanings of a shift.
Say from 8pm to 11pm?
Or get up earlier in the morning so you can have a few hours then?
It's not going to be forever, I do sympathise as I remember those days and sleepless like that is awful.

Co-sleeping is the only solution I ever found but can see why you don't want to. Had to feed to sleep anyway, just being in the bed wasn't enough.
My first was a no-sleeper because he was a (gorgeous) restless little demon. The second one had reflux and once he was on the baby gaviscon did improve a bit.

It's torture though, you have my sympathies. I wouldn't be putting my 21 month old in nursery either. You will have to switch off with your husband though I think because you can't just not sleep. Mine wasn't always that nice about it but I didn't have a choice. I used to start falling asleep on sofa and my older child would yell to wake me up lol.

When you're that tired, if you close your eyes for a few seconds you might not wake up. More dangerous for you all than co sleeping.

Ah ok didn't see you were bottle feeding, that changes it up a bit. Have you tried encouraging a bigger feed to get some space in between feeds. Next to me for so you can lay a hand in baby. White noise, like a tuned out radio. Cot sheet that smells like you. Warm the crib before putting baby in it. Something wobbly that will very gentle vibrate at the end of the mattress.
I'd be throwing everything at this now as you need sleep, it's not optional. If you have a partner they need to share the load. You cannot live without sleep.

Nobody can advise you on how to stay awake and not sleep at all for a prolonged time.
Would it be an option to try a daytime nap for all 3 of you at the same time ?
I woke up with 2 of my babies on my chest, 2 different babies, with the best intentions not to fall asleep, was very scary and I had the big light on, background noise on etc, thinking it would keep me awake.
Co sleeping helped me. Husband out of the bed and baby not too close to me.

I'm just back from a drive with my 3 year old to get him to sleep 😬 I would even try this with both of them to try to get a day time nap for you all.

Co sleep

Co-sleeping. Infinitely safer than falling asleep in the sofa accidentally and most breastfeeding mums are doing it whether they mention it or not. You cannot survive without sleep. Read the cosleeping advice on the lullaby trust website, then Practice feeding laying in your side. Then get some sleep before you lose your mind

Just to add to those saying about getting him used to day/night, it’s good to have different places for day and night sleep. Mine slept downstairs in their prams during the day and in their Moses basket/cot in my bedroom at night when they were little babies. Maybe that goes against what mums are advised these days but mine didn’t go without a contact nap or two either.

I’m the same OP when it comes to the thought of co-sleeping but even though this won’t last forever, you’re going to need to get some sleep somehow and maybe it could be the answer if done safely.

Editing to add we’re all told about the wonderful newborn bubble and how amazing it is - except when the reality isn’t when you’ve older children to run round after, little help etc and on little sleep. It will pass but you need to think of the here and now and if co-sleeping isn’t an option I’d be taking your partner up on his offer, even every second or third night.

You can’t function on no sleep, it’s unhealthy & you won’t make safe sensible decisions. If you don’t feel co sleeping is safe for you, then that’s ok (for now). Your DH is obviously prepared to help if he’s told you to wake him, so use that & tell him you will sleep between 8pm -midnight. Then another hour after he gets up, before going to work. Then you get some sleep & he gets unbroken sleep (just less than usual) You both can manage on less than ideal quantity of sleep for a few weeks. You can then make long term plans whilst at least getting a bit of sleep. Tag team it for now.

Have any friends or family at all done the usual offer of 'let me know if you need anything ' and you could offload the toddler for a morning and sleep?

Could DH take any time off work (paid or unpaid) to let you sleep?

Cosleeping saved my sanity.

20 years ago for me and I still remember it. I had to do-sleep. Safely. But I was that or I wouldn’t have survived.

Personally I would disregard what the midwife said about learning day from night. I started keeping my daughter awake in the day when she was a couple of days old, in the hospital, at the suggestion of my midwife! Before that she was doing exactly as you describe & I mentioned it to the midwife, not knowing if it was normal; she suggested trying to keep it loud & bright during the day & just trying to keep her awake a little longer each day. It made such a difference.

Babies are often nocturnal when born apparently as they are used to being rocked to sleep in the womb whilst we move around all day & then party at night (anyone else remember being woken up by a kick to the ribs?).

As for things to keep you awake, a backlit kindle with a good book, a game/tv/podcast on your phone with headphones & of course, Mumsnet!

I have a velcro baby too and for the first week DH and I were getting no sleep as she only wanted to be held. On day 5 the midwife suggested co-sleeping and it saved us. Google the ‘safe seven’ for how to do it.

ETA: Oh…. I’ve just seen you CAN NOT and WILL NOT co sleep… May I ask why?

My son was like this, my husband would get in from work and I would go to bed and sleep for a few hours. Wake and look after baby in the night and sleep again in the morning before he went to work. Another here to say what worked was co sleeping. Me and baby only, husband slept on sofa and we didn’t use quilt or pillows, just blankets and a sleep bag for baby.

To be honest, I slept with all 3 of mine in the nursing chair/on the sofa all the time. It’s not ideal but it’s reality. Also co slept which is actually meant to be good for them I think and we’ve all done it for millennia. Just the risk of dropping them when you’re sat in a chair I guess, and squashing them if on a sofa. So, safely co sleep. It’s certainly risky to remain as sleep deprived as you are, so choose the thing with less risk. For me that would be sleeping whatever way you can, as safely as poss for the baby of course. That may be with the baby on you.

My daughter slept literally on my chest even in our bed for months, she was in a pavilk harness and it was the best way she was comfortable.

Have I missed why you’re housebound? Get out in the car if you’re able (or get DD to walk?) - you can drive whenever you feel ready after a c section. Lots of people think 6 weeks but that’s not the case.

Oh bless you, OP. I have no ideas I'm afraid, but I hope your new born starts to settle into a less-demanding night routine soon.🙏🤗

You’re making your life harder than it needs to be and wondering why it’s so hard

I do it too so you’re definitely not alone.

look at lullaby trust safe sleeping guidelines and get your toddler into nursery so you’ve got some more village and your toddler has some company that’s not a sleep deprived person trying to care for a baby.

You can’t be everything to everyone especially not while you’re creating hurdles for yourself

A quick google suggests the cushion thing might have been an earlier version of a cocoonababy. They now say babies shouldn’t sleep in them overnight. It was over ten years ago and very new when I got mine and that advice wasn’t there then.

The key is to find a way for you to sleep with your baby safely. At another time I had a cot with the side off up against my bed and I essentially lay in the cot cuddling my baby until she was asleep, and then slowly edged away.

The thing is, it’s all very well being anti co-sleeping, but you absolutely must get some sleep. My health visitor pointed out that planned cosleeping is far safer than accidental co-sleeping, which is what will end up happening if you don’t get some sleep. Make a plan that works for you. Dress warmly so no need for covers. Make sure there is a separate safe space for the baby.

That’s an awful lot of sleep even for a newborn if he’s sleeping all day and then all night to and just waking up for feeds. He need to be awake longer in the day or he won’t get his rhythm into day and night. Take him out in the day as much as possible to get him in daylight, try to keep him awake for stretches during the day, play with him, take him out to classes and groups. Does your toddler go to nursery? If not it might be worth exploring that as it will give you some one in one time with your baby to be able to take him out and do things, and give your toddler something to do that’s not about the baby. It can’t be good for anyone staying in all day.