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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Head lice. He's accusing my DM of bringing them here.

34 replies

NitsAreUs · 03/11/2024 21:20

I was doing my DD's hair after a bath and came across a nit. I point it out to her dad and say I'll pick up a treatment from the chemist tomorrow. No big issue.

He then comes out with "ah that'll be from your mum then"

Excuse me?

My DM came to stay last weekend, but he's conveniently skipping past the fact his other three children are here every week too.

I'm pretty pissed off that he's immediately jumped to accusing my mum of bringing lice into the house, when on the balance of probability it's much more likely to come from children.

There was no mention of my mum having an itchy head or any reason to believe she had lice.

I asked him why he thinks that and he said simply because she was here 🤨

AIBU to think he's out of line? Would you be offended?

Edited to add - I don't even think nits are a big deal personally, for me it's about how he's leapt straight into blaming and pinned it on my mum.

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ICarriedTheWatermelon · 09/11/2024 11:15

He doesn’t really think they came from your mum, he just wants to use it to cause upset because he doesn’t like her.

He sounds pathetic to be honest. Obviously they came from his kids.

BilboBlaggin · 09/11/2024 11:12

What a knob head he is. Early primary is prime time for kids to get nits as they get up close to each other. It's also ridiculous for him to not tell his ex, as forewarned is forearmed and she can be on the lookout for them on her own DCs. He's also misinformed about clean hair. Nits don't care whether hair is clean or dirty.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/11/2024 11:10

We’ve all had nits so many times we’ve lost count 😫 I never had them as a child. Part and parcel of life IMO and your DH is a prick

GreenFields07 · 09/11/2024 11:07

NitsAreUs · 09/11/2024 11:00

I suspect he wouldn't want DSC to go back and tell their mum that she/we have had nits 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ridiculous really as they've almost certainly had them before, the eldest is in secondary. I don't know any kids who haven't had nits atleast once 😐

Yeh thats absolutely ridiculous. Shes just a child, its not her fault. Hes obviously embarrassed about something so minor that happens to most kids, cant even comprehend why he had kids in the first place tbh if this little thing would bother him. Trying to blame your mum is low, but making DD keep it a secret is just childish and pathetic. You treat them, you move on. No need to blame anyone especially your poor mum who's done nothing wrong. He obviously doesnt like her and this would make me question his overall behaviour and how he treats people.

NitsAreUs · 09/11/2024 11:00

GreenFields07 · 09/11/2024 07:57

So now hes whispering to your DD to keep secrets from her siblings? For what reason? Would they be mean to her, call her names for having nits? Or maybe he was worried one of them would admit they've had them or that they're being spread around school making him wrong. I really cant believe he just went straight to blaming your mum, id be annoyed too! He sounds awful OP, honestly id be out of there asap.

I suspect he wouldn't want DSC to go back and tell their mum that she/we have had nits 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ridiculous really as they've almost certainly had them before, the eldest is in secondary. I don't know any kids who haven't had nits atleast once 😐

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GreenFields07 · 09/11/2024 07:57

So now hes whispering to your DD to keep secrets from her siblings? For what reason? Would they be mean to her, call her names for having nits? Or maybe he was worried one of them would admit they've had them or that they're being spread around school making him wrong. I really cant believe he just went straight to blaming your mum, id be annoyed too! He sounds awful OP, honestly id be out of there asap.

NitsAreUs · 09/11/2024 03:24

DSC were here yesterday, when he arrived home with them he whispered to DD not to mention having nits! Ridiculous. So he still thinks they came from my DM. I've sent their mum a quick message to let her know we've had them and to check their hair.

She has had one dose of Hedrin left over night and will repeat at the 7 day mark to clear any newly hatched ones.

Thanks for the tip about the conditioner. Much cheaper than the £17 I paid for the treatment!

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Noglitterallowed · 09/11/2024 00:10

Etincelle · 03/11/2024 23:04

Kids pass it on, not adults. I had it as a kid and caught it from my kids when they were younger. Funnily enough I haven't had it since as I don't touch heads with my friends.

Adults definitely pass them on too!! What a stupid statement . Kids yes maybe more likely because they get close but adults definitely pass them on too!!!

Etincelle · 03/11/2024 23:04

Kids pass it on, not adults. I had it as a kid and caught it from my kids when they were younger. Funnily enough I haven't had it since as I don't touch heads with my friends.

NitsAreUs · 03/11/2024 23:01

powershowerforanhour · 03/11/2024 22:58

She is and so am I, maybe I should be looking a bit closer to home 😂

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NitsAreUs · 03/11/2024 22:53

jazzybelle · 03/11/2024 22:43

Tell him that there was absolutely no need to attribute blame to anyone.

Edited

I did, to which he replied "the first thing that comes to mind when you find out you've got nits is.. what new person has been in?"

Is it? Because for me the fist thing that sprang to mind was 'ugh, that's a bit shit. Nvm, I'll get something from the chemist tomorrow'

New person though? So, you can't catch nits from somebody you see all of the time? 😂

I assume by new person in this case he means somebody who doesn't stay over very often.

He's in a massive strop now. Foul mood. Anybody would think it was me who'd insulted his mother.

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MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 03/11/2024 22:43

🤣 what a dick

jazzybelle · 03/11/2024 22:43

Tell him that there was absolutely no need to attribute blame to anyone.

NitsAreUs · 03/11/2024 22:37

He kept saying "my logic was...." and then the spiel about my mum being here last weekend.

When I pointed out the fact that there was nothing logical about it he became even more defensive and up himself, saying whatever and that he just won't share opinions anymore then if I think 'everything he says' he's stupid.

Or is it because he knows he's stupid and doesn't like it when people call it out 🤔

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GrumpyCactus · 03/11/2024 22:33

Don't worry, I'm well aware that he's an absolute twit and have one foot out of the door already.

I'm not normally one to advocate leaving the bastard but I'm pleased to read you're already making plans because he sounds like a twat.

NitsAreUs · 03/11/2024 22:30

I'm glad you all think he's being as ridiculous as I do!

I don't think he likes my mum very much. They've been known to rub each other up the wrong way, so to speak.

We've had a row about it all. I was explaining how ridiculous it is to pin it on a 70yo woman who has no other contact with kids and he got defensive and didn't like me pointing that out.

I did highlight the fact his kids were here after he said that about my mum, which he then weaponised aswell 😂

So it's perfectly acceptable to cast aspersions about my mum but me reminding him that we have three other children here regularly is unacceptable.

PP you are spot on, anything to avoid "blaming his kids"

The thing is.. it wouldn't even occur to me to blame them or anyone else. The first thing that came to mind for me was that she had just caught them at school (year 1)

He then made a load of statements like how nits don't like clean hair - so he's basically calling my mum unclean then?!

No he says.

It ended with him accusing me of (verbally) attacking him.

Don't worry, I'm well aware that he's an absolute twit and have one foot out of the door already.

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TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 03/11/2024 22:28

I worked in a nursing home where we had a headlouse outbreak among the residents. It does happen.

I suspect the above situation is incredibly rare, though.

They’ll have come from his children and he’s stressed he’ll have to do something about it. Or it somehow reflects on him as a parent.

It doesn’t. Children are just grubby, germy and nit-ridden by nature.

Neem oil is the balls for seeing off lice. DS had them at least once a month when he was at primary school.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 03/11/2024 22:18

Your DH needs some nit education.

The eggs take 7 to 10 days to hatch so it is quite likely the egg was transferred by someone at school before half term or a live lice was transferred from one of his kids.

A 70 year old is highly unlikely to have lice as old folk aren't generally likely to have head to head contact, even when playing scrabble!

Pallisers · 03/11/2024 22:17

He is ridiculous (and a bit thick). Either his children brought them in or your little one got them at nursery. He needs to tell the mother of his children that they may have been exposed to headlice and she should check.

Way back when our kids had them we went to a professional nit nurse. She told us they rarely bother with scalps over 40 - not enough blood :)

Also nitty gritty comb plus conditioner and paper towels work way better than the chemical treatments - unless they have vastly improved in the past couple of years.

Noseybookworm · 03/11/2024 22:14

Of course it didn't come from your mum! 🙄 does he have a problem with your mum generally? It's much more likely that they came from his children and he should let their mum know to check their hair!

GrumpyCactus · 03/11/2024 21:50

That is quite possibly the oddest leap I've ever read on here. Why on earth would they have come from your mother? It makes absolutely no sense.

InTheRainOnATrain · 03/11/2024 21:47

That’s insane! I thought you were going to say your mum teaches reception or something. Does he really hate your mum or is he a bit thick, or both?!

lanthanum · 03/11/2024 21:47

It won't be your mum. School or nursery or his kids. His kids need checking - even if they didn't come from them, your child may have passed them on. If he won't entertain the idea, let their mum know.

itsmylife7 · 03/11/2024 21:45

He honestly sounds thick as mince.

So because its half term lice have a holiday 🙄