To be absolutely exhausted and think this is just not sustainable night after night?

Has this been mentioned in their therapy at all? You can’t go on like this so it should be mentioned to the social services and they should find a way for the foster parents to deal with this. Maybe one night just say you can’t go and let the foster carers deal with it.
It’s a hard situation to deal with, for all of you.

OP, please google EMDR therapy. It is often used for children (& adults) who have experienced trauma.

I really don't think you should adopt them OP. You are too young to make this decision - it's almost impossible for you to imagine what you will want from life in, say, ten years time.

Please do listen to those advising you to avoid this. You may well be 'encouraged' towards it as you will solve a problem for the authorities - but it will not be in your best interests - or theirs, necessarily, since you as a family will no longer be eligible for some important things.

You can still be the amazing sibling you so clearly are, without doing this.

Also - do take note of the poster upthread who said that melatonin can cause nightmares.

Is it possible for you to spend the nights with your siblings for a few weeks? Maybe on a mattress in their bedroom? It would be less disruptive for everyone and perhaps they would sleep better knowing you are close.
Poor children, how they must be suffering.
Hopefully they will eventually settle down with the foster carers and perhaps there is some way that you can adopt them - but it would be a huge change in your own life.

They will learn to settle it you don’t go, it will be hard and there may be several nights where they are unsettled but the foster carers should be trained to deal with this. If they’re not able to cope with the children when unsettled I would be questioning whether the placement is suitable. Your siblings have learnt that if they have a meltdown in the middle of the night you will come and you need to break this cycle because it is not in anyone’s best interests. The foster carers and you need to agree and be clear with your siblings that you can’t go over in the middle of the night, and the foster carers need to not call you up. Instead of going in the middle of the night maybe arrange to go over early in the morning for when your siblings are getting up (eg: 7am) and be clear that you won’t be turning up before this no matter how unsettled your siblings are, once they realise that you aren’t coming in the middle of the night they will learn to settle and if you are going to be there for 7am you know they are never going to be upset waiting for more than a few hours whilst they’re getting used to it.

The foster carers shouldn't be putting this on you. What would they do if you weren't able to go?

I know you love your siblings, but I would strongly recommend not adopting them.

You may (possibly, not definitely) conclude you wouldn't mind fostering them, but if you adopt them, then the most likely outcome is that the state has then absolved itself of all its responsibilities and it no longer does anything to help.

I think, given the amount of trauma your siblings have suffered, that the best option for them and for you is likely to be that they are cared for by professionals foster carers who have access to respite and that you continue to be an extremely loving, extremely caring and very involved sibling.

This can't be right. Your siblings foster parents are phoning you to settle them at night? Who pays the foster parents? you and they should be engaging with them.

This.
Hard I know but you can't carry on like this and nor can ghe twins. They are dependant upon you, but it can't go on.

If you want to foster/adopt them, please go to the adoption board on Mumsnet.

I know that financially it is better to foster (as a relative) but I don't know any more than that. It might be that it is financially viable for you to become a carer for them, with carers allowance, PIP and so on. It might be worth doing some research.

Certainly you shouldn't be having your sleep disturbed every night like that. It is not sustainable.

Yes I was thinking that you’d be better off with this than adoption as financially you’d get the support but also with therapy and respite too.

You’ve done so well but you must have been through a lot too and you’ve got your life to plan so take one step at a time. What do you want from your life now?

I agree with those who suggest that you adopting them is not a good idea. Think how exhausting it is for three of you working with them at the moment - you'd be doing it solo, with nobody to call on to help. You're being a brilliant sibling, and hopefully you can continue being so (but hopefully finding a way for it not to be every night). But at 20, you should be prioritising your own education and career, while the professionals try to help your sisters work through the trauma.

My initial instinct was disappointment in the foster carers. They’re trained and paid professionals, even more so as they’ve been approved to care for multiple children and children with additional needs. As harsh as it sounds, they need to just get on with it. At 20 you are still very young and it’s unfair for them to be leaning on you so heavily. Having you back and forth is drawing out the settling in process for your siblings. Of course you want to be there for them, you sound like a brilliant sister, but it shouldn’t be asked of you in such a way.

In terms of adopting them, being with family isn’t always best in these situations. Whilst they’re in care they have access to so much support that they’ll lose once they’re adopted and it is a long process to reinstate a lot of the support

Coming off melatonin to start, weighted blankets, a teddy made out of your clothes for them so you are 'there' with them. Maybe a recording of you telling them they are ok, or reading a story they can listen to going back to sleep.

As others have said, please reconsider your idea of adopting them. Usually I would say to go for it, but with their needs and very respectfully, your age, I think it is a huge burden to take on especially by yourself. Your entire life will be about them, and that is not fair to you. It will also limit the support they get. Staying involved, being an advocate and a consistent loving sister is a massive benefit to them, and will make all the difference in their lives. Please dont wear yourself out to support your sisters.

Living with them for a bit sounds the best plan. What a great sister.

Only if the OP is likely to take over their care full time in the near future. The problem with being there daily, and twice/three times daily is that the foster carers really need to be providing day to day care including overnight. It’s what they’re trained and paid to do and the longer the OP is filling in the gaps, the more hidden the kids needs become. The short term kindness masks the longer term impact on everyone concerned.

@BeJollyOrca how long have they been with these carers and what was it like before?

This is so sad, for all of you 😔 and you sound mature beyond your years.

The twins should be with you at night, is there any situation where you are their carer at night and foster carers take over during the day?

Whilst ultimately not your responsibility, they are your siblings, and you are their guardian (from their perspective).

I think you adopting them would be the best decision all round, they won't be young forever, but you'll still be young when they've grown.

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like such a difficult situation. My first thought was, for now, could you perhaps stay overnight with them. Not sure how practical this would be, or how this could be changed in the future. The current set up clearly isn't working for any of you. You are such a wonderful sibling to them.

Yes, my cousin's son was prescribed Melatonin as a child. (ASD and ADHD.)

I agree with those saying they need medication. My son has ASD amongst other things, and takes 2 medications currently for sleep, Circadin and Slenyto.
You are totally correct that this is unsustainable for you, exhaustion is incredibly dangerous.

I know a SW I'm assuming she's on this thread?

I am indeed here @outandunder

Living with them for a bit sounds the best plan. What a great sister.

Cross-thread, sorry!

Oh sweetie what you're doing is amazing, but look after yourself first too xxx

You are twenty sweetheart. You need to live your life and be a sibling not a parent . The foster carers need to do their job and reach out for professional help not enlist you every night.
You should be there for the fun times and spending lovely times together but the twins need to learn to self regulate without you there.
I'm not sure that you should adopt your siblings, I'm not sure you can unless a judge decides they should be adopted (I've adopted) but that's for another day.
I'm not sure how this should be achieved but I'm glad you posted on here, you sound wonderful and I hope you have a wonderful future ahead of you.
I know @Jellycatspyjamas is a SW I'm assuming she's on this thread?

Can you just sleep at the fostered?