To be absolutely exhausted and think this is just not sustainable night after night?

You sound like a saint. But you must take care of yourself.

You sound like an amazing person. I wish you and your sisters all the very best - things WILL get better! xx

The OP doesn't deserve this, but neither do the twins deserve their response to what they've been through to be dismissed as "shit". Have a word with yourself!

Just wondering how things are going OP?

I don't have time right now to check through all the posts but has anyone suggested a behaviour modification programme (I have 30 + years of working with behaviour issues, including with autistic children)?
The problem is this: the children have learnt that if they wake up screaming in the night, you will come, so the behaviour is reinforced.. You and the foster parents need to work on reinforcing them sleeping through the night. I can send some guidance if it would help.
You're a wonderful sibling, they are so lucky to have you.

OP I do not have any additional advice to give you, you have had some brilliant advice on here already. I just wanted to say that you seem like a very mature, kind, intelligent and brilliant sister. But as everyone else has said, you have to make sure you are looking after yourself too. What do you do for work? Can you take a couple of weeks annual leave until you get this situation under control? Or could you get yourself signed off by your GP due to stress. I can't comprehend how you are still working with all of this on your shoulders. As a short term, survival mode reaction- I would be sleeping in your siblings room for a few nights, just to catch up on your sleep. Sleep deprivation can have a massive impact one ones perception. A good night's sleep could help you see things more clearly. Just a silly thought but maybe something like white noise/ some other calming music whilst they are sleeping might be worth a try? But realistically, if nothing else has helped, it might be something that only time will heal.
I wish you all the best OP and good luck x

Have you considered kinship care. It's where you get to be the Foster carer of family members. You would get an allowance, support. It maybe a better option than adoption at the moment as you may just get left with two very high needs children and no support. You are likely to get "heard" more if you can "threaten" to put them back into the system because you cannot cope, than going it alone. I know it sounds awful but such are the games you have to play. The "system" wants to offload because of the money, but support will be lessened or chanels to help made harder.

One very sensible post in a sea of drama. I hope things are easier for you, OP, as the month has gone on.

Oh bless you OP sounds really difficult and sounds like you are a very kind and loving sibling to have! I’d put a camp bed in the room with them, just go to sleep in there if they wake up scared can come lay next to you in bed without disturbing your sleep too much. I know they’re a bit old fir this but given the circumstances and the need for sleep that’s what I’d do!

Im so sorry for what you're going trough, it is very hard and you are sacrificing everything you can to help your sisters. On that note it is worth noting that your sister have gone trough hell and I cant even imagine the consequences abuse have left and on top they are autistic. In my opinion they should be taken of melatonin because it is very very dangerous,and the nightmare- night terrors will get worse with prolonged use of melatonin. And also if you could sleep there and maybe even in their room for some certain time until you make a plan for the long run,it would be the best for them.You are not being unreasonable to feel exhausted, but I would rather be in your shoes than in your sisters. They are the victims and you and foster cares need to do what's best for them and I hope your sisters will get better.

SS need to find foster carers who can meet their needs.

What a wonderful sister you are. But remember YOU matter as well.
I agree with all the experienced carers and advice from them as they know what it is like. But I also think you should step back a bit and maybe just phone the girls.

You are an incredible person and so committed. However, you must have some time for yourself. I like the suggestion of giving them an item that smells of you. Advice from a GP or Autism expert would be better. Do they have Weighted Blankets as they can give them extra security. Good luck and best wishes to the whole family.

Haven't read the whole thread but... Trauma specialist here.
You and your siblings have been through a lot. It is very likely they are more trauma bonded than siblings bonded in terms of relationships to eachother and you.

If you wish to continue supporting them alongside hopefully very targetted therapy and support from ehwb services, then you need to work with their therapist to come up with a plan for how to get them to accept and be able to use alternative strategies... In the meantime, maybe you staying over at least some of the time so at least you're not driving etc, plus also speaking to camhs about sleep support which could be in the form of medication etc.

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this. It's not a sustainable situation for anyone. It sounds like your siblings need therapy, to be done by an agency that is trauma informed and also understand the added issue of their autism. Also, as many others have mentioned, medication can help. This is too serious for you to tackle alone, you shouldn't be expected to shoulder the burden of this. I don't know where you live, but the local authority need to give support.

I really feel for you all, your siblings, the long suffering foster carers and yourself, all of whom must be exhausted. You can't carry on like this. Please ask for help.

The reality is this is not sustainable. What do they actually do when they wake up? Are they screaming and shouting all night long until you go round? What would actually happen if you asked the foster carer not to keep calling you?

Hi, your kindness really shines through and just the way you talk about your sisters and think about them. It is perfectly normal in this kind of situation for you to behave in an over responsible way to make up for the trauma your parents have caused, but it is not your guilt or responsibility to mop up all the pain and distress they have caused. Hopefully in time your siblings will find acceptance for the terrible things that have happened to them and over time that will bring healing. But you also deserve to have a life and must’ve also been through a lot. Can you also get some therapy to help support you?
I would hold off on the adoption thoughts.
Give yourself a bit of space, don’t concentrate on ‘fixing’ this problem by adopting them.
You are already in their life a great deal and I’m sure will always be. They will always have you in this way. In a way that also allows you to have a life you like one day too.
Perhaps record a couple of videos for them to watch if they wake up of you speaking kindly and saying that it’s just a bad dream that they are safe now with foster parents and that you love them. Explain that you are asleep as have to work tomorrow. But will see them soon. Maybe some allowances can also be made for them by the foster parents to perhaps let them also watch a favourite film.
Without sleep your health will suffer.
Suggest some strategies like these to the social workers who have placed them with their foster family and to tell their therapists so they have this information too and can reinforce it gently. Routines and strategies will be really important for them at the moment to help keep them feeling safe and comforted.

I feel like the foster parents are going through this as much as you are, as much as your siblings are, if your looking for outsiders to say it’s ok to not be involved anymore then that’s clearly been presented. But what if the foster parents bow out too and then they’re back in care or with someone new, well that would be cruel… so why do you get an out when you don’t want them to?

Don't agree

It sounds like your parents going to prison in August was the trigger. It could be that your sisters think you will be taken away from them too. It is an abandonment issue, and it does not help that autists are 4-7 years behind emotionally than their chronological age.

I have an 11 year old autist, whose father ditched and disappeared when they was 3. Still needs to co-sleep or they will panic. When I travel for work (not often!!) they are afraid I will not come back (as their dad told them when leaving it was for work). during the divorce, my child was afraid that the police would kidnap me and take me away when they were at school.

So the solution to you caring for them is a good one, however you will need a lot of support. Does the government where you live provide help like paying for a nanny? after school child care? Are there services for autists where you live?

Change for autists is REALLY hard, and when there is trauma involved, even harder.

I strongly agree with the person who gave you a link for you to get an advocate or your own social worker. Either you lived with your abusive parents yourself or you were in care, both of these make you a vulnerable person in need of additional support up til at least 21 and possibly up to 25 in the current system.

You need an advocate or a social worker to stand by you, look after your welfare, support you to get counselling, therapy and health support, continue your own work and education and then and only then to be a great advocate and carer for your sisters.

Trying to do it all yourself when you are vulnerable is likely to lead to carer burnout and worse situations for your sisters down the line, if they are exceptionally vulnerable themselves on multiple fronts (abuse and neglect, having neurodiversity, being in care).

You can be a brilliant advocate and caring big sister without doing all the care yourself and without running yourself into the ground. I already think going twice a day is too much, let alone the nights, I think one visit a day max and the rest of the time the foster carers need to get on with it. Otherwise, you are patching up the system and not allowing their care needs to be fully visible and yours are hidden altogether.

Do the foster carers have a spare room/sofa you could stay in for a few nights? Or could the twins stay with you at the weekends maybe?

Could you foster your siblings? (As a foster carer you would get a foster carer allowance, whereas if you adopt, you would be on your own financially. The allowance might mean you could reduce your hours and sleep in the daytime when the twins are at school?)

Could you all go away for a weekend/week (Air B&B or similar) for a change of scenery/ routine. Some sea air might help them sleep better, even if only temporarily.

It's not a guilt trip. I'm just saying that I know people who have done similar successfully in response to the pp who said a 20 yo couldn't possibly do this. It is entirely up to op if she feels it's an option and it's agreed by ss. If she didn't feel its doable/ doesn't feel able to do it then there's nothing for her to feel remotely guilty about, it's a huge ask of anyone. I just don't accept people saying that a 20 yo couldn't possibly take on this role as I know a number who have in very similar circumstances and who still have successful careers, families and they're happy with their choices. I also know people who have stepped back and that's also been 100% the right choice for them and they still have close relationships with those siblings. It's ops choice to make and I wouldn't judge her either way on a decision. I just refute someone telling her that she can't when that call is for ss to make. As a kinship carer op would still be entitled to support and I would be more inclined to go down that route than adoption for that reason.

Yes, your sisters really need to be weaned off needing you there.

As regards adoption, it's unlikely you would be able to earn enough to support the three of you or that you would be considered a sensible candidate - unless the local authority were simply trying to get them off their hands and save money.

In addition your sisters should be being prepared for independent lives - you should have your own life too. You can't afford to put your job at risk by asking for time off to speed around visiting them at night, although they are your sisters they are not your responsibility.
My DD is a foster carer who looks after teenagers. Recently she's had a girl (16) living with her, a twin with special needs who has never been separated from her sibling before. She is coping fine well without him and it's become apparent that he was what was stopping her becoming independent as he took charge all the time. For this reason she has few life skills and is likely to be in care for longer than normal.

Also, there could be short term 1:1 support put in at night for the twins from a carer as well foster carer. Suggest that.