What if they don’t want to be found?

Yep. Several times for me; and that was well before Facebook groups. “Well meaning” people sharing info meant there was no stability, in foster parents or teachers or friends, for safety reasons.

I sometimes think this about missing teenagers and through my work, sometimes know the backstory when family members post. Sometimes they are running away to be safe FROM the families. I agree with you OP.

My ex is 'missing'

He walked out of my house,walked down the street and vanished

His family are all over the Internet,pleading for him to get in touch and how they miss him (no doubt they do)

I know him-if you are of no use to him,he will drop you and then your dead to him-they no way he's not seen their pleas

He'll be alive and well somewhere (I have no idea where) but won't want to contact anyone from his 'old' life

If he wanted to,he'd get hold of one of them-for whatever reason,he doesn't want to

It's painful for the family but they need to take him off the pedestal they've put him on
(he was an abusive cocklodger which may cloud my view a bit) and wait until he deems them ok enough to have them back in his life

Yes, my foster child’s birth mother managed to track her down when she moved to her first flat. It was very traumatic for her

Any posts with too much person information should be deleted. I would hate for someone to publicly hunt me down on social media - if I wanted them to be part of my life they would be.

Yes, YANBU at all. Could be a general "lost contact, happy to meet up". Or escaped abusive partner (after a lot of hassle). Or fled a stalker. Or anything really.

Fine, if you don’t actually have anyone who would miss you, then fair enough.

Feel guilty about what?
We are both introverted, neither of us now has a living parent and I have no siblings. We don't have close friends.
There is no reason - aside from financial constraints - why we couldn't disappear and live off-grid somewhere in the highlands. Our lifestyle wouldn't really change at all.
But if we chose to leave and tell nobody, we wouldn't appreciate it if people then decided to try to find us.

Having said that though it still left families heartbroken, as although the reasons for not reconnecting might be clear to the missing individual, they weren't always to the family

unfortunately despite my family being completely clear about why I had to come off sm, change ph no, leave job and move house they still went ahead and blabbed to anyone they liked what my new number was and that’s the building I always use as a landmark when I’m explaining where you live

some families and/or friends know perfectly well why someone has went nc - but are just so self-absorbed they think no reason, including that of bodily safety, could ever be as important as their desire to be in touch, know all, and broadcast what they like

thank you to all the ppl on thread who ‘get it’ and thwart or avoid these narcissistic nosy parkers

Do you think it was shame driving them to not want people to know their stories?

the one person I know that did this did have very bad mental health issues, and almost hated anyone knowing that - would get extremely angry at any hint of concern of people wanting to help.

not sure it did her any favours cutting herself off tho. Last I heard she had a cocaine problem and was actively planning suicide; tho not sure it ever happened (she also liked to tell tall stories to worry people and then would get angry when people reacted)

I find this such an interesting mindset. I can’t necessarily relate. This isn’t meant to shame you. But do you think you might not feel guilty? And what would be the attraction - why is it hard having friends and family?

I can understand wanting to cut certain people off - I’ve cut quite a few out the past few years and my circle of tolerance is getting smaller the older I get. But I always need / want friends and family outside of my partner, even if they are sometimes annoying or stressful.

I do agree with you, OP.

This is where social media can be a problem and people just don't understand or don't think. To be fair, many of those responding might believe that they are doing something good, but there are many, many reasons why someone might have gone to ground, why they might not want to be found. I know of some dreadful family situations where I can really understand why this might happen - escaping abuse, violent breakup if a marriage etc.

I'd never give out anyone's personal details even if I did recognise them (unless the approach came from the police). I wouldn't want people giving mine out willy-nilly either.

I do watch programmes like Long Lost Family and do enjoy to hem. However, I am sure that there must be much more behind the scenes, and cases that do not make it onto the screens because they find people not wanting to be found for various reasons.

I have known a few people over the years whose families have reported them missing/ tried to find them but they themselves didn’t actually want to be tracked down or to re-establish contact. They have all been people who suffer with mh problems, and are in and out of hospitals/ institutions/ temporary accommodation. They had their reasons for not wanting contact and others should accept that. I think people are very naive or thoughtless to do what you’re describing. They have no idea what the circumstances are and shouldn’t be posting other people’s information like that.

Yanbu I would hate for my pictures to be thrown around these groups when there is usually a very good reason I'm not talking to someone from my year 7 french class.

I completely agree and wish there was more understanding around this

I moved away from where I used to live and came off all SM (apart from MN!).

My sister messaged me to say people were posting on FB trying to find me some years later. I asked her to PM the OP, tell them I was alive and well but didn't want to be disturbed and to remove their post. She did and they did.

@Delphiniumandlupins No not if they didn't want us to.The focus on respecting the missing person's wishes was paramount - much more than I was expecting going into the role actually.

There was a "missing teenager" post on a local FB group a few months back, saying how worried the mother and stepfather and family were about their 17 year old girl.

Lots of suggestions saying she'd been seen at X bus stop etc, and then the teen herself responded saying they were all selfish hypocrites, mentioning their poor treatment of her, and how she was now safe and wanted no further contact, and that she was "finally safe and free".

No idea what the true story was but it certainly shut down the increasingly wild speculation. I do hope she was safe, and not in a worse situation.

Did your charity inform the family that the missing person had been in touch? I imagine in some cases the MP might not even want that information passed on.

A few years ago I was contacted twice by a researcher from a tv programme that reunites old friends. I don't know what the programme was because it's not the sort of thing I watch. Anyway, it seems that my best friend from infants school had been wanting to find me to reunite. I hadn't seen her since we were 8, which was at that point approximately 40 years earlier. I'm a socially awkward introvert and I really had no interest in reconnecting so I just told them it wasn't my sort of thing and thankfully I never heard anything else about it. At the time I found it stressful and intrusive.

I always say to my chap that if we ever won the lottery and could afford to move, I would love to disappear and not tell any family or friends where we'd gone.

There used to be an organisation that advertised on the Tube that would pass on messages from 'missing' people to their families. It was promoted as a way to let your family know you were OK without having to be in direct contact.

The Salvation Army traces missing people, or people who have lost contact with family, but if or when they find the person, they won't pass on information without the person's consent.

if I knew the person being sought, I wouldn’t give out their details, but inform them that their cousin/schoolfriend etc was looking for them.

YANBU.
I always think the same with Facebook "missing child" posts. You don't know who is actually posting and why they're trying to find that child, who may not be missing at all.

Unless it's an official appeal from the police, I would never give any information.

Oh that's awful, I guess the child might have had to move to a new foster family and maybe school too because of that. Awful situation for the youngster.