Page 4 | Would it annoy you if you kept getting visitors after 5pm on a Sunday

Original poster

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:06

EmberAsh · 03/11/2024 17:02

Don't tell your children that people are coming. That way you can cancel them and nobody is disappointed.
Also, this isn't unannounced, you knew your SIL is planning to visit, so you should've said the times you're available.

I said, I'll be home from 1 pm. But usually it's just unannounced. I never announced the busy. SIL did, to DD.

OP posts:

Original poster

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:05

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 16:56

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

I am confused

why is she crying?

Well because DD herself is saying that her aunt is taking ages to come and she probably won't come today. DD talked on the phone yesterday with her aunt on FaceTime and that's when she said she'd come today.

I don't usually announce visits. It was just the situation.

DD has calmed down now but she's disappointed. These things happen.

I should just text SIL and mention that it's a bit late, can she come another time.

OP posts:

EmberAsh · 03/11/2024 17:02

Don't tell your children that people are coming. That way you can cancel them and nobody is disappointed.
Also, this isn't unannounced, you knew your SIL is planning to visit, so you should've said the times you're available.

ttcat37 · 03/11/2024 17:02

I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. Also don’t have an answerphone. Both decisions have saved me significant time and effort

LovelyDaaling · 03/11/2024 17:01

How long has this dragged on for? It's up to you to put a stop to it. Just tell them how it is and you'll feel a lot better.

SpiggingBelgium · 03/11/2024 17:01

I think the sooner you say something, the better. If you don’t, they’ll assume it’s okay. It doesn’t need to be a big confrontation - just “We love seeing you, but if you’re planning to pop in on Sunday, would you be able to come a bit earlier so that we can get everything sorted for school in the morning?”

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:01

why is your daughter crying?

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:00

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:47

I don't mind unannounced visits by close family. It's just a bit late on a Sunday.

Sis in law said she wanted to stop by today. I should have asked 'what time'.

The only thing stopping me from texting her telling her it's a bit late now is my DD who's been looking forward to it and is expecting a visit.

well yes op

you should have suggested or at least asked the time, given you don’t like her current routine!

that was literally a golden opportunity to say a time

OptimismvsRealism · 03/11/2024 17:00

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:49

I have typed this out already but not sending it because my DD keeps asking when is she coming - she told her yesterday on the phone that she'll be coming over today.

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

Show quote history

Tell dd to stop being wet

Don't answer door if it's not convenient

Jobs done

LorettyTen · 03/11/2024 16:59

Yes it would annoy me. PIL used to turn up and just let themselves in. When we moved I made sure they weren't given a key.
SIL used to arrive with BIL and 2 kids as a "surprise" for the evening, when all I wanted to do was get my stuff ready for the next day and just watch tv.
I saw red once and said I thought it was only polite to check it was convenient first. She stopped after that.

BibbityBobbityToo · 03/11/2024 16:58

I wouldn't mind occasionally but not if it was becoming a habit.

Start having a chore to do around the time they turn up, open the door with your Marigolds on and leave them to it while you carry on cleaning the kitchen/bathroom in your most threadbare jammies.

BookishType · 03/11/2024 16:58

Wouldn’t bother me unless they’re staying too late?

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 16:56

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

I am confused

why is she crying?

Wendysfriend · 03/11/2024 16:54

How long do they stay ? 5pm wouldn't be late here even when younger 7.30 was bed time. What's happening at 5pm in your house ? Can you tell them it's your busy time

TizerorFizz · 03/11/2024 16:54

@phanjm Why not keep a heads up on a visit quiet? Keep it to yourself! Can a child make a card all by themselves? Have you facilitated this? Honestly just agree a time that suits you. If relatives help get tea and put them to bed, that’s different. If they just delay this and dc won’t settle, say it’s not convenient!

GrumpyCactus · 03/11/2024 16:53

I wouldn't let them in at 5pm. Presumably if they wanted to see the kids they've had all bloody day to do so? 5pm is dinner then bath and bed not the time for visits and spending any meaningful quality time with such small children.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/11/2024 16:53

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:49

I have typed this out already but not sending it because my DD keeps asking when is she coming - she told her yesterday on the phone that she'll be coming over today.

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

Show quote history

Well then text your SIL and say, "Just wondering what time you were planning on coming over. DD has really been looking forward to seeing you and has made a card but if it's much later you won't really get to spend any time with her because it'll be time for dinner, bath and bed."

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 16:52

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:49

I have typed this out already but not sending it because my DD keeps asking when is she coming - she told her yesterday on the phone that she'll be coming over today.

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

Show quote history

so you knew she wa coming? so not entirely unannounced

HazelSquid · 03/11/2024 16:52

Sunday tea was the time we all gathered ( aunts, uncles and cousins) at my nan’s when we were growing up.
It seems a completely normal time for visiting to me, but if you don’t like it you have to tell them.

Onlyvisiting · 03/11/2024 16:51

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:41

In laws keep doing this recently and it's just not a great time.

Kids are 4 ( at school ) and 2.

They do so unannounced.

My sis and bro in law keep doing it as well, same time. But on a Saturday, which isn't as annoying.

I would loathe unexpected/uninvited guests at any time.
Mature option would be to communicate nicely and offer to arrange another timetl that suits you.
However I'd probably make a point of leaving the house at 4.45pm fir a few weeks (walk?) with my phone turned off, then when they find you are out say what a shame, perhaps we need to FUCKING ASK FIRST! 😅
Or- what happens when they arrive? Do they expect entertaining? Hang around waiting for dinner to be served?
Perhaps you could use it to your advantage ' I've got xyz I need to be getting on with, can you look after the kids for an hour? ' and you crack on with whatev3r you want to do without little people following you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/11/2024 16:51

Clearinguptheclutter · 03/11/2024 16:44

I may be in the minority but I can’t cope with anyone turning up unannounced, tho I make exceptions for my kids’ friends

family know better than to just turn up
yanbu

I can’t do with it, either. I want 24 hours’ notice for any visitors! (Close family excepted, but they’d still give me at least an hour’s notice.)

xyz111 · 03/11/2024 16:50

If they come round, I would still carry on as normal. So if you see them for 5 mins before going up for start of bedtime then that's their loss.

Zippidydoodah · 03/11/2024 16:50

So just text her saying “are you still planning on popping over today? If so, what time? Dd wants to see you but it’s nearly dinner/bath/bed,”

Pinkpaperclip · 03/11/2024 16:50

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:47

I don't mind unannounced visits by close family. It's just a bit late on a Sunday.

Sis in law said she wanted to stop by today. I should have asked 'what time'.

The only thing stopping me from texting her telling her it's a bit late now is my DD who's been looking forward to it and is expecting a visit.

I think it’s OK to have an open house but at some point there has to be boundaries… your kids are so little and she has school in the morning. I’d personally stop unannounced visits after 4pm. After 4-5you can say it’s dinner time and getting kids ready for bed

TTPDTS · 03/11/2024 16:49

Not on a Sunday!

PIL used to do this, I just started not getting changed when I saw their car in the drive - they soon realised that post 4pm I would be in pjs 😂 it did stop them!