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Original poster

Would it annoy you if you kept getting visitors after 5pm on a Sunday

111 replies

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:41

In laws keep doing this recently and it's just not a great time.

Kids are 4 ( at school ) and 2.

They do so unannounced.

My sis and bro in law keep doing it as well, same time. But on a Saturday, which isn't as annoying.

OP posts:
Stretchedresources · 03/11/2024 17:49

Yes. It's really rude to not agree a time in advance.
And anyone close who does pop round at that time should be roped into herding dc's into bath / pyjamas / storytime without hyping them up.

Thesilkinsideachesnutshell · 03/11/2024 17:49

I'd need to know a time as I wouldn't want to wait in all day. But 5pm would be a tricky one for us as we have a 3 year old and it's tea, bath and stories between 5 and 7. Not exciting relatives turning up!

It sounds like you just need to be a bit clearer in communication and firmer on boundaries. If you're happy for family to turn up unannounced that's great buy if there are actually preferable times, you just need to say. They won't know otherwise.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 03/11/2024 17:46

I don’t do unannounced visits, ever.
I would literally move if this was happening to me 🤣
It’s widely known amongst my family and friends that you do not ever drop in unannounced on the Gubbins household. I also don’t make any plans for after 5pm on any day except Saturday-at a push Fridays too-but only for special occasions.
5pm is almost teatime, it’s my chill time on a Sunday.

itsmabeline · 03/11/2024 17:44

Could they just be blissfully unaware that it's a bad time?

Explain to them how dinner bath time work in your house, they may just be clueless. Tell them why 5pm doesn't work and isn't going to work for you on an ongoing basis. They probably haven't thought about it.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 03/11/2024 17:43

Stop hinting for the love of all that is holy.
god the wet lettucery is next level

Gymnopedie · 03/11/2024 17:41

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:27

I've sorted it for today. A few weeks ago I also hinted that 5pm is too late. So hopefully the message will get through !

Are they being quite thoughtless? As in they want the whole day to do their own thing but then still want to see the DCs even if it's inconvenient?

If they are you need to get firmer about when they can come. Or even better - get DH to do it. Why does it have to be you when they're his family?

bridgetreilly · 03/11/2024 17:40

Stop hinting and start saying, “Actually, Sunday is a school night, so it doesn’t work for us to have visitors after 4pm. X needs to start winding down quite early ready for a good night’s sleep.”

pestowithwalnuts · 03/11/2024 17:40

LorettyTen · 03/11/2024 16:59

Yes it would annoy me. PIL used to turn up and just let themselves in. When we moved I made sure they weren't given a key.
SIL used to arrive with BIL and 2 kids as a "surprise" for the evening, when all I wanted to do was get my stuff ready for the next day and just watch tv.
I saw red once and said I thought it was only polite to check it was convenient first. She stopped after that.

Did your s-I-l have a key to let herself in ?

Cynic17 · 03/11/2024 17:40

Flipping heck, yes! In fact, unannounced visitors at any time are unacceptable. Just stop answering the door - and now the evenings are getting darker, you can draw the curtains too.

BeatrizBoniface · 03/11/2024 17:37

Peachy2005 · 03/11/2024 17:34

Cant your H communicate all this to his own family?

And you communicate what suits to your own sister?

This. I don't know why people lie or get passive aggressive. Just talk to them!

Dishwashersaurous · 03/11/2024 17:37

This is actually blowing my mind that people would organise to visit someone and not say a time.

Surely the exchange goes.

"I'll pop over and see the kids tomorrow. "

"Sure what time ?"

" fiveish "

"Actually that's a bit close to bedtime. Can you come at three so she has time to play, and we can have a cuppa. "

Or similar.

I just can't imagine someone saying. I will come tomorrow, and not agreeing a time.

BeatrizBoniface · 03/11/2024 17:37

BibbityBobbityToo · 03/11/2024 16:58

I wouldn't mind occasionally but not if it was becoming a habit.

Start having a chore to do around the time they turn up, open the door with your Marigolds on and leave them to it while you carry on cleaning the kitchen/bathroom in your most threadbare jammies.

Why?
Why not just talk to them?

Peachy2005 · 03/11/2024 17:34

Cant your H communicate all this to his own family?

And you communicate what suits to your own sister?

TomatoSandwiches · 03/11/2024 17:31

I wouldn't even answer the door unless it was a pre arranged visit, I've only had to do it a few times but people catch on quick and they know I mean it so it's just their time wasted.
You need to be clear about what time suits you, it's your home op.

Chaseandstatus · 03/11/2024 17:29

People aren’t mind readers. Just fucking tell them politely what suits your family.

Renlou · 03/11/2024 17:27

After 5pm, fine. Unannounced, not fine.

Original poster
phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:27

I've sorted it for today. A few weeks ago I also hinted that 5pm is too late. So hopefully the message will get through !

OP posts:
Tiddlywinkly · 03/11/2024 17:25

xyz111 · 03/11/2024 16:50

If they come round, I would still carry on as normal. So if you see them for 5 mins before going up for start of bedtime then that's their loss.

This. They should get the hint.

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:18

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:15

I just did the text. It's fine.

It's more that they'll just be super wound up. They'll have loads of fun and they love their family but then I have to deal with the fall out of it.

It's the second time I've sort of said no. Hopefully the message will come across soon.

They should come at 2 or so. That would be perfect.

you are their mother

if you don’t want them to get wound up on a sunday evening

then for goodness sakes… when your says she’s going to pop in, don’t just say “i will be back from 1”, say, “let’s go with 2pm so then i can get them winding down for the week from late afternoon”

EmberAsh · 03/11/2024 17:16

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:06

I said, I'll be home from 1 pm. But usually it's just unannounced. I never announced the busy. SIL did, to DD.

Show quote history

Ok, but then you can't be annoyed if she turns up anytime after 1pm.

Original poster
phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:15

I just did the text. It's fine.

It's more that they'll just be super wound up. They'll have loads of fun and they love their family but then I have to deal with the fall out of it.

It's the second time I've sort of said no. Hopefully the message will come across soon.

They should come at 2 or so. That would be perfect.

OP posts:
morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:12

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:06

I said, I'll be home from 1 pm. But usually it's just unannounced. I never announced the busy. SIL did, to DD.

Show quote history

So she would have taken that to mean anytime after 1

good grief op

just be clear

NunyaBeeswax · 03/11/2024 17:11

"fack off will ya, keep comin rahnd 'ere all the facking while. You facking cants ya" - Danny Dyer accent optional.

Should do the trick.

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:10

phanjm · 03/11/2024 17:05

Well because DD herself is saying that her aunt is taking ages to come and she probably won't come today. DD talked on the phone yesterday with her aunt on FaceTime and that's when she said she'd come today.

I don't usually announce visits. It was just the situation.

DD has calmed down now but she's disappointed. These things happen.

I should just text SIL and mention that it's a bit late, can she come another time.

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this is odd

your sil said to you that she’d pop over

You should have said “what time thinking as DD counts down the minutes until you arrive”

Sia8899 · 03/11/2024 17:07

phanjm · 03/11/2024 16:49

I have typed this out already but not sending it because my DD keeps asking when is she coming - she told her yesterday on the phone that she'll be coming over today.

My DD has made her a card and is crying because she thought she'd give it to her today.

Show quote history

Bless your DD, I hope she does come now!
I’d be telling the family “we love seeing you but can’t do after 5pm (on a Sunday/the weekend/whenever)”. It’s not their business to know why but you can use early dinner or getting ready for school/work as an excuse. Next time someone says they’re popping over - “ok great, any time before 3”

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