Is this rubbish or normal? Re: birthday

I couldn’t put up with this , I would have taken the kids away somewhere for half term for a start . Going forward , if you are really prepared to stay in this one sided relationship, plan things for you and your children and stop making an effort for his birthday etc .

Happy Birthday!
It's no consolation but I had a rubbish birthday last Sunday. DH was poorly so didn't get me a card. present or cake.
I had to buy my own cake from M&S except all they had was sodding Colin the Caterpillar.
None of my cards arrived by post and I spent the day gazing out of the window, sighing and feeling very sorry for myself.

Hmmm I do think it's odd that you'd have a lovely birthday if the kids weren't with you. What?? But I agree it's rubbish that DH planned absolutely nothing. I'd be really thinking about what I meant to him if it were me.

Sorry your H didn’t make an effort for you, OP. Even a little effort on your special day is really not much to ask. I don’t understand why anyone asks if you cajoled him into doing something reminded him - you shouldn’t have to!

Pretty much normal. I haven't had a birthday cake for 30+ years (ie since age 21), because they are for kids.
But why on earth did you spend the morning cleaning, OP? If your birthday is important to you (and it sounds like it is) you could have done something enjoyable (lie in, go for a walk, out for coffee, hobby, read a book etc etc). There was no need to be a martyr.

Make yourself a nice tea. Shame he has flounced off out. He can make his own.

Happy birthday 🎉 🎂
I would think twice about doing anything for his birthday that's for sure
I always plan well ahead for my dh birthday and make it special and he does the same for me
He's acted childish in response of your birthday

Also, why didn't he take the kids to his Mum's as usual? If he stayed home because it was your birthday but didn't do anything towards celebrating it, does that mean he thinks the Birthday Fairy does everything & surprises just happen, so all he had to do was be there when it happened?

It’s still not too late right now put down your dishcloth and give yourself a five minute spruce and leave the house. Maybe you’ve got the guts to go and buy yourself a drink in a different pub or you’ve got a local friend. You can go round with a bottle of wine but do something memorable. Happy birthday 🎂

Happy Birthday! What did he do last year? Any effort at all?

I think you need to communicate better. Surely you should have known before today that he wasn't planning to go to his mum's. and you could have discussed that it might be nice to go out for lunch or something instead. Also, you presumably didn't HAVE to clean for ages.

It does sound a bit like you expected him to mind read.

Having said that, he should have at least organised a card and small present, so the fact he didn't is pretty shitty.

I do think this is something you need to talk about properly before your next birthday though.

It's not too late to go out for a nice meal on your own, OP. Leave him at home to look after the kids. Or order in your favourite food, just for you, & leave him to make dinner for himself & the kids. Bonus points if someone will deliver a cake to you. And as PP said, cancel the plans for his birthday.

That’s rubbish of him!! I’d be cancelling the plans for his birthday and showing him the same effort, or giving him the chance to make it up to me next weekend and telling him the sort of thing I expect.
Going out in a strop is very immature, what is he even annoyed about? You’re not being ungrateful because he’s done nothing to be grateful for!

What did he do / organise / buy last year, and all the previous years.

Personally I would have been talking about my birthday about a month ago, and making suggestions as to what we would be doing, and when i.e. if always at his mother's home on a Sunday then i would have been out for a meal last night with babysitters booked if necessary.

This is shit OP, Happy Birthday 🎂
Your DH is lazy and miserable.

Your birthday might have been today but if you're unhappy be honest and ask your husband if he can do something special for you next weekend instead.

Don't be saying things like "even a cupcake" would suffice - no it bloody wouldn't! Would you expect anyone else to be grateful for a birthday cupcake? Your birthday matters as much as everyone elses. Bugs me everytime I see it on here; :"I would be happy with a bar of chocolate / £2.99 bunch of flowers / a cup of tea" etc. Stop accepting or expecting crumbs or that is all you will ever get.

He's a selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless sod. Stop cleaning for starters and make him sort dinner.

I would seriously consider downgrading whatever you have planned for his birthday too.

"Just wondering why my birthday doesn't matter?" said calmly, might kickstart the conversation.

I'd guess you were cleaning, even though nobody told you to, is because it needed doing!
Sorry but there’s no cleaning that needs doing 7 days a week, an important wash on , the counter cleared off, washing up done, aside from that the day can be housework free! Op you said typical mn says would you not tell him well that’s what you have to do in advance- can’t wait for my birthday, I’m thinking x, y and z. Some people do not have the imagination to put on a good birthday show! No cake .. ppppfffff!!!!

I doubt that he insisted she spend the day cooking and cleaning. If he did force her to cook and clean then I agree with you, retract my comment and would suggest the OP has bigger issues than her birthday. But the OP reads like she's made that choice herself.

I'm always torn on these threads because I would hate for DH (or anyone else) to plan their idea of 'something nice' for my birthday.

If I want to do something particular I either organise it myself, or ask specially that we do whatever it is. IE: 'I'd like to go to X restaurant on my birthday, could you see if your sister would mind babysitting and then I'll book it'.

That said, that's obviously not what you prefer, so assuming it was clear that you'd like your Husband / kids if they're old enough to organise something for you then you're not being unreasonable to be upset that they haven't.

Also, no age limits on birthday cake, but again I'd expect an adult to ask for one if they wanted one.

I'm assuming that the reason he didn't go to his Mum's was because he thought you might like to spend the day with him and the kids rather than on your own?

Cooking and cleaning is a present now is it? @NuffSaidSam

Now her DH is in a huff because she's called him out on it. He needs to do better. I get presents and a cake every birthday and I'm 43.

Yes it’s rubbish and thoughtless. Hopefully he has had time to reflect on his walk and buy you a birthday cake. I’m 56 and still get them.
Happy birthday 🎂

I think as an adult you do have to take some responsibility for your own birthday.

I'm assuming that the reason he didn't go to his Mum's was because he thought you might like to spend the day with him and the kids rather than on your own?

Do you get him a present and card? If you're a present/card family and he didn't bother then that is rubbish.

Well cancel the plans for his birthday in February for a start.
Happy Birthday 💐