Is this rubbish or normal? Re: birthday

@SwordOfOmens

The Op's birthday was 3rd November.

maybe you are advising her for this year's birthday ?

You are being unreasonable by treating it as a normal day yourself. Down tools and go out and treat yourself!!

Happy cake 🍰, onwards and upwards

@abonymousAnon Wishing you a happy birthday! I’m sorry your husband hasn’t made you feel special as you deserve. So many men are like this. I know it’s not the same, but I think you should treat yourself to some nice things if you can. Maybe next Sunday can be a pamper day for you if he takes the kids to his mothers?

No it's not normal! Not the treatment from husband, and not to go without a cake or card on your birthday at any age. How can people be so miserable.

Happy birthday! 🎂 🥳

Well that's brilliant because you can now un-plan his birthday, definitely don't get him a cake either.

Make as much effort for his as he did for you today.

Not too late to make yourself a mug cake - and you won't need to share it!

Your husbands a prick!

Birthday cakes aren’t just for kids! Happy birthday and I hope you downgrade his special day too, sounds like a moody fucker.

Honestly I never understand these posts. OP you have a far bigger problem than an ignored birthday. I'm sorry to say it but you have an asshole of a husband.

Why would he say / do that about the midterm trip? How had you no idea he wasn't planning it - do you not talk about dates / locations/ accommodation? That's all SO odd to me.

Why on earth are you planning & arranging his birthday next February when it's only just November?

And finally - I see we have the usual sorry lot chipping in with the 'cakes & birthdsys are only for kids etc' sure they are if you're happy to live a joyless life with mean gits who can't even be bothered to mark the day with a card & a cake

Meanwhile...in the real world that's not my experience of how loving couples & families celebrate whatsoever.

I'm in my 50s & with my dh almost 26 years & we love to spoil each other on birthdays & anniversaries. We love each other. We're glad to be together. Why would we not do lovely things for each other.

Even in years when dc were small & funds were tight we celebrated with cake & cards & flowers or small gifts & birthday dinner - sometimes at home but the birthday persons favourite or a takeaway or out in a restaurant.

OP have a think about what your marriage is really like. It doesn't sound like a happy one to me & I'm sorry about that for you & your dc. You can't fix this on your own. And you know that deep down.

I agree with the others. Stop cleaning. Stop waiting. Get cleaned up & take your dc out for tea - McDonald's/ pizza/ pub grub it doesn't matter. Make it fun & order cake for dessert. Leave him to sulk

Cancel the February plans & plan your own future. You're worth more than this.

Happy birthday!

I just stopped making an effort for anyone's bday unless they were my child under the age of 18 after fecking years of it not being reciprocated.
Dh is better now and will book a restaurant and buy a bunch of flowers. I also buy myself a lovely birthday present every year. To me, from me!

Perfectly normal to have a cake at at age. Didn't have to go mad and buy a special cake but supermarkets sell lovely bday cakes 🍰
So he's an arse just for saying you don't need a cake let alone the rest of his thoughtlessness.

If I'm reading this correctly, you all thought you were going on Holiday for half term, until the Friday before half term when he announced you weren't? But nobody had asked him when or where or if you were going until that point?

I absolutely couldn't live in that kind of communication vacuum, from either side. I could no more live with a Man who just doesn't speak than I could just quietly wait for him to reveal all (or in this case nothing at all).

My birthdays have been like this for years, I've learned not to expect much from anyone this year. I'm going to bake a lovely cake for myself the day before and on the day I'm going to go into town after the school run and have a browse around the shops, get myself some treats and a nice lunch somewhere.

Is it really only 12 or under ego get a cake?

Well there's no rule is there?

We've always had birthday cake on the day & do the same for kids-been married nearly 30yrs.

I'm often more bothered about doing something for my birthday-day/meal out so I tell my husband what's happening & it happens.

Husband not always bothered so if he doesn't want to do anything then we don't.

Yeah, it's rubbish. He is meant to be your partner in life and he can't be arsed to make you feel special on your birthday. He is being selfish. He needs a kick up the arse.
Happy birthday @abonymousAnon

The visit sounds a bit difficult and rough on everyone, but life itself must be extremely rough on those poor kids who have lost their Dad and your sister who has lost her husband. I'd put some of their behaviour down to that rather than judging how she raised them. You don't have children, you haven't had to deal with that kind of loss and bear the emotional load of it so sorry but you sound like you're being a little unkind.

Happy birthday OP.

Is there a particular reason you thought he might pull his finger out this year? It sounds like he never has before.

I would stop doing anything for his birthday beyond a card from the kids. If he thinks birthdays aren't important then match his energy.

Happy Birthday @abonymousAnon 🎂🎂🍹

Of course you should have cake and lots of treats too. It doesn't matter what age you are. Urgh! I'm sorry you seem to have found yourself stuck with a twatty husband. ☹️

You've only got one life so stop letting him ruin yours and make yourself a promise to stand up for yourself and make some big changes. He's not the boss of you.

@abonymousAnon - now you know to match his energy.

When he doesn't get the same lavish treatment that you have previously given him on his birthday or for Father's Day or whatever, you can point out that you were matching what he did for your birthday - i.e. NOTHING!

I love the fact that HE'S gone off for a walk, without the kids, so no stress there, while you have them and you're doing cleaning etc.

Men have a very very low bar when it comes to things like this - please say that if you have a son OP that you're setting a higher standard for him to achieve?

Why do you allow him so much autonomy! You should decide if you want to go away or if you want to celebrate your birthday. You know he is not going to do anything so don't wait for the disappointment, just do something fir yourself and the kids. Stop doing anything for him, he doesn't deserve it. Do you earn your own money....if so...spend some on yourself!

Too many threads like this.

Stop giving everyone a nice surprise, stop cleaning all morning, put yourself first.
You don't even need to ask your husband if he's doing anything for you - do it on your own, for yourself.
You would be surprised, OP, how little forgetful or lazy they are, if you remain emotionally (a lot) a bit independent. Needs practice, though.

Happy birthday! 🎈🎂

Go out, @abonymousAnon (take the kids with you if you feel like it) to somewhere that doesn’t need a reservation: surely there’s someplace suitable as it’s still early.

Happy birthday 🎈

After your update about the holiday I'd be really angry. I wouldn't just accept his bad mood. Tell him that treating you and the children this way is completely unacceptable.