To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

Oh OP, please don't put your daughter through either of these options.

Take her out for the day (or even for a weekend) and let her do whatever she wants, just the two of you.

A family get together as PP has suggested and invite a few friends. Even if they don't turn up she'll hopefully have her family there with her x

Just do something as a family who genuinely care about her.
a trampoline party at 16 is nothing short of social suicide!

I'm sorry but no friends, if the 3 Halloween invites cancelled, then the suggestion of 30, of babyish trampolining are both bad ideas.

If it were me I'd try to steer her towards a family celebration as parties are very high risk and the damage to her confidence if no one comes will be huge. There's been threads of late from confident adult women who's birthdays have been ruined by actual friends not showing up, so its a big risk. Try to help her build a social circle first. For what it's worth, my extremely popular DS has refused a party for everyone of his big birthdays (he's 20s now) because he's seen too many where people let the host down and says it's just too stressful.

Is there something she has a particular interest in that you could make a weekend away to see or do? A trip to somewhere she wants to go?

My dd is 16. The sort of things she and her friends would do is the theme park, a meal out in a group or a house party. We haven’t had a party as dd doesn’t want one as she says houses get rather trashed and parties have booze... drunken behaviour, the odd person vomiting etc. Dd doesn’t drink but I picked a group of teens up last night and of the 5 of them, dd was the only sober one.

It sounds as though this is all pretty alien to your dd and as others have said, the trampoline party would be deemed too young and the boat is a no go. Your dd would feel like a stranger at her own party.

In your position, much as others have said, I would arrange something really special with family.

I think so too.

I’d offer to pay for her and 4 friends to go for a meal of their choosing. Or take her for a weekend away to Alton Towers or something just family.

Perhaps one or two people to alton towers or thorpe park - trampolining for 16yo would not help her fit in. Or as others suggested a family dinner or party with cousins?

Rethink this please. Why plan a large social event when there are no friends to invite to it?!
A family party would be lovely. So would a trip for the two of you shopping or to watch a film. Presents and cake= perfect way to mark the occasion.

How about Pizza Express or similar? ‘Grown up’ but child friendly? With just one or two people invited? Or just family dinner?

Yes, please do this and don't plan something huge. She'll feel awful when no one shows.

I was thinking this. There might be an unavoidable reason she's in such a small class.

The quickest way to get more friends seems like exposure to more people though on a day to day basis, like going to a school with 20-30 kids in a class.

I assume there is a reason this isn't possible or this would be the most sensible thing to do.

Try and go down the small intimate route such as a meal with a handful of friends or something.

When I was that age (10 years ago) parties had already evolved to house parties with alcohol, so a party that isn’t like that may not appeal to others of the same age and lead to non attendance which will be sad for your DD.

This. Its not going to end well with a party of random girls who may not even turn up. God love her. Make a fuss of her at home and if possible bring one or two to a spa thing or a meal. You need real social skill to blend two groups of teen girls at the best of times.

My ND teen boy has never had a party. We always do something special as a family that is something we wouldn't normally do.
A party is a lot of pressure.
For my neurotypical daughter this year I'm taking her away for a couple of nights just the two of us...meals of her choice, hanging out, maybe cinema etc... low key but 1:1 time. Maybe this kind of idea would be more suitable.

Agree with others who say a friend over for movie and pizza on a non-special occasion might be a better way to make friends.... Often these things are ad-hoc and less planned so be ready to just go with it when the time is right!

Keep reinforcing how cliquey and horrible it can be at school

she’s in a class with 5 people - you haven’t even got a fighting chance with that small a number. The chances of those 5 being your best friends are vanishingly small.

This post makes me feel really sad for your DD. I was undiagnosed autistic and also had no friends at school. Inviting lots of people and having no one turn up would be very traumatic for her. I would suggest keeping it low key and maybe family only. Keep reinforcing how cliquey and horrible it can be at school but it gets so much easier at college and university if she is likely to go to those. I really found my tribe at university. I hope she does too.

Poor thing. Is the reason she's in a school with only 5 people in her class because of ND?

I can't see how inviting people who have recently rejected going to an event of hers will help her in any way. It's going to end in disappointment.

Book a spa day with the two of you or a have a family celebration where she can also invite a few friends, but it doesn't matter if none of them turn up as it sounds like that's the most likely outcome.

If you make it into a party and no one turns up then that will be far more devastating and might be remembered forever. A family birthday party where most of the invitees were there will be a nice memory.

This probably isn't the time to start facilitating friendships. I'd probably do something with family for her actual birthday and then try and arrange a cinema trip or something with a couple of the kids at a later date.

Go see a musical in London and go shopping for the birthday.

Then tell her she can have a pizza and cinema night when a popular new movie comes out.

Oh I’m sorry your Dd is going through this, it’s so hard when they have no friends.
I honestly would just wait until she finds her people rather than trying to force it. Are there any local groups for ND teens? My Dd got involved with a few around age 20 and seems to have found her people there.
Do a family party, but do invite a couple of people from dance/school if she wants to. That way it makes no difference if they duck out last minute again. There will still be a celebration and people around your Dd that love and care for her.

I can only echo everyone else.

they’re 16 - they’re out of birthday party territory now.

You say she has got no friends - I am also assuming special school if there are only 5 people in her class - and I am assuming that those within her class are not without their own difficulties - therefore you’re setting her up to fail by trying to make this a big birthday party thing.

Go out for a family for posh afternoon tea. Go to the theatre? Make it special but do not make it contingent on anyone else.

I would go for a family party or a spa day or theatre with you or something similar for her birthday without inviting friends. Then encourage her to start inviting 1 or 2 people over for a movie or shopping or the cinema when it isn’t her birthday and there is less to “lose” . It’s pretty hurtful if no one wants to make the effort for your birthday but easier to shrug things off if people are “too busy” to go the cinema on a random Saturday.