To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

Does she engage at all with the the dance people? It might be easier to structure something from that which is a bit more low key - like going for pizza after class etc

Or do something slightly related to that hobby - are there any cool dance groups or anything they might all want to see, where you could plan an outing for the group with a meal after?

If you pick a desirable party then people will come even if your dd is more of a classmate than a friend. Can she ask the classes above and below as well maybe?

In that case, I'd make up an excuse such as not being able to afford a big party, but give her a couple of lower key choices which have been suggested here.
It would be cruel to allow the party and probably cruel to spell out exactly why you can't allow it, so soften the blow with a lie. Kinder you pretend it's your choice rather than go along with what she wants only to be crushed by expectations not meeting reality. Especially since she suffers anxiety.

Oh gosh that sounds difficult. How about a family trip, weekend away? And maybe try to help her find new groups or activities to join to try and find more friends

It is a real shame for your daughter that she doesn't have any friends - but if I were you I wouldn't book either of these things.

Trampolining is too young and the party boat might look like she is trying to 'buy' friends.

What about something with just family - day out at the zoo, 2 days to Paris Disney, shopping trip with you to Meadowhall/Bluewater etc, dinner out somewhere nice with just family.

We recently did Laser Combat - it was a public session where random people booked together and you were split into teams. We booked a session where a good number had booked already. They also cancelled if fewer than eight, so going for a time with a good number booked meant it wouldn’t get cancelled. In the end there were about 25 of us from five groups and we had a fab time.

Could you look to see if there is something like that around you? If would give the feeling of being part of a group activity if she feels she needs that for a party, without worrying about disinterested acquaintances showing up. My late teens loved it.

Oh I just read the update and class sizes. If shes at a normal large school with 30 kids per class then a large party could be even worse. Teenage girls at that age can be absolutely horrible. Even if they do come then they are unlikely to magically let her into their friendship group after. They couod turn up with boyrfriends, friends of friends, booze. Im thinking to some of the large parties we had at that age and it was usually when the parents were out, everything got trashed and there were all sorts of random people there. The birthdays of my sensible friends they were always small affairs with a few people invited, some hooch and music. The parties where everyone was invited were absolutely insane. I would never allow one in my house.

I think it is really risky to organise either and run the high risk of no one showing up.
Maybe better to disappoint her now by saying no to a party than have her much more disappointed at people not showing up on her birthday.

Poor DD. I get that the party is now a fixation, and it's "what people do", and she wants to be "normal" but I think it's kind to say no here. It also doesn't help that her classmates are maybe unlikely to come to a party because of their own anxiety issues.

I wonder if you could message the parents of her classmates and find out if there's a kind of celebration they might be comfortable attending? It may be that none of them would ever come to a party at someone's house, but it also might be that some of them would come to eg a restaurant meal. Or could she team up with a classmate in the same position with a close ish birthday?

It might also help her to know that it's not an unusual experience to not have massive birthday parties. I think I had six friends at my 16th and maybe 15 at my 18th (at my parent's house). Teen movies etc make it look like everyone is having huge parties but I don't think that's really the case.

Is there a dance class WhatsApp OP for parents op that you could post the invite on? Would it be possible to have the party after the dance class so that the children are going from the class to the party, even in your house for pizza?

I hope this doesn’t come across as mean but I remember when I was at school a girl with few friends hosted a massive birthday at her house and invited the whole year (80 people), rang up everyone the day of to ask if people were coming and very very few people turned up sadly. There was also a lot of gossip about it as teens can be so thoughtless at times. I really think a family thing would be better.

Sorry, just ignore my above post. Just seen your most recent post.

Does she definitely want to invite friends, or is it just because she feels she needs to celebrate her birthday? If the latter, why don’t you suggest just you and her doing something together, like take in a show/trip to London, or whichever big city is near to you? Have a spa day together, or some retail therapy?

If some or all guests drop out it will upsetting in any context, but being at home might make it less embarrassing. Pizza, mocktails (and maybe one or two mildly alcoholic cocktails per guest), cake, movies and maybe a visiting beautician to paint their nails. I'd invite the largest number you can possibly fit into your home. They won't all come, and DD needn't take that personally - young people are flaky these days. Hopefully a few will turn up and it will be a nice occasion. Also you can order the pizza after the guests arise, and so reduce waste.

House party with 10-12 guests is the best route

I should of added it doesn't have to be huge, expensive etc, just a select few people to make memories with. Good luck.

Big hugs OP . This sounds tough for both you and DD. I agree with everyone else to do something low key focusing on family

Not being obtuse but how do you work on your child building friendships aged 16?

My DC has not made any friends at hobbies or outside school activities. The very few friends they've made has been at school, plus one loose friend through the children of my friends (that they see about twice a year). They struggle socially and no amount of "work" will change that.

My daughters 16th was small, they all went for Pizza, then picked up by Limo and taken to the cinema, then picked up by Limousine again, for a drive around, with soft drinks and snacks provided in there. They had a fab time, something perfect for teens with a little added luxury.

Oh bless her 😢 this must be heartbreaking for you as her mum.
i would plan a special day for family and focus on helping her make new friends. A youth club, new hobby?

My closest friends (well 2 of them) were all out of town for my 16th birthday but didn't tell us until the day of the party. My mom and I took the cake she'd bought to the nursing home where my grandma lived to share with her. The people living there brought out balloons and cards and all sorts of things, and showed me photos of them as teenagers. I was on the verge of tears, but they made me feel so special, and the £100 of bills stuffed in my hands and the last minute cards and sweets softened the blow. I never found parties easy with other teens, and I only just remembered it. Stick with the people that love her best. That's enough.

Oh bless her, and you, this is very hard. But like pps have said, inviting people who are unlikely to come makes this a stressful occasion. Instead can’t you plan things that she loves, with the people who love her, and really work on the friendship issue this year so that her 17/18 bdays may be different.