To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

Having pizza at your house might feel too pressured for dance ‘friends’ who possibly see her more of an acquaintance.

My teen DD & her friends love going to the local dessert parlour for their treats. If you have one local to the dance class that they can go to after class, it might work well.

If the parents normally pick their DDs up from the class, you could offer to treat them too. Just sit at a different table from the girls.

She's autistic

Can you throw her a sweet sixteen and invite family to come? Make it less obvious if people from her school/activities don’t show?

Make the day something that teenagers would never get to do.. to make it appealing then some would turn up! Concert tickets to a current singer or group?

My dd is ND also, turning 14 soon, and is really struggling with friendships. She wants to go see Laufey’s concert coming out in cinema and pizza after. I think I’d suggest maybe a nice day out doing an activity that would be exciting for her and brings her so much joy that she doesn’t mind the absence of friends, does she like musicals? Would something like that be fun for her?

Maybe an escape room or my daughter has gone roller skating and then a meal?

Many people here are suggesting that you contact the parents to invite her classmates. She's 16 years old. In my opinion it would be extremely odd if her mum contacted the parents of her daughter's classmates about a birthday party. 16 year olds are usually quite independent. It would most likely be embarrassing. You can't help her make friends by contacting them and arranging meetings. She's too old for that, she needs to do it herself.

If she really wants a party so badly, I'd arrange something at your house. That way she will at least be home if no one shows up and not on a party boat with food, music and a captain who will be confused if no one comes to the party. Can you imagine how awkward that would be for her? A whole party for 30 people on a boat with no one showing up and then being on the boat alone or with her mum for 4 hours or so. It sounds like a nightmarish scenario from a film. Even if they showed up it would be risky as you'd have 30 teenagers on a boat and someone will likely bring alcohol. A supervising nightmare. I wouldn't do the trampoline park either because many teenagers just wouldn't be up for it anymore at that age.

I would do the following:

• prepare the invites and hand them out at the dance school/school.
• the party should be directly after the dance class. Arrange for taking everyone to your house afterwards. That way they'll be at class and less likely to drop out.
• definitely invite a small number of people. If you invite the whole school, no one will show up. People will know that everyone is invited and feel like it doesn't matter if they come or not because someone will be there anyway. You're much less likely to have people come with such a generic invitation.
• Let them make their own pizzas and invite some special guest for the evening. Someone who does their nails sounds good. Then watch a movie.
• Not more than 8 or so people in total. Choose the ones who seem kind. Don't choose the ones who didn't come for the Halloween thing.

Good luck, your daughter seems lovely and she deserves a nice party!

I would speak to the dance teacher personally and ask if you can either:

Add on a birthday tea and dance inspired end to the lesson

or arrange to take them all to see a ballet immediately afterwards?
You absolutely must ask all the parents on WhatsApp before.

Otherwise ready made parties like Mamma Mia live show or cirque du soleil would be so cool for her - you could invite a few friends via parents as a surprise and if they don’t come she won’t be upset.

Feel for you, have an ND daughter and I can anticipate might have this issue later on down the line.
long term try and encourage as many outside groups as possible, most of my daughters friends are from outside of school, having many networks helps with friendships and general resilience.
For her birthday, I think your best bet is to go for something quite desirable. A theatre show such as Six, a theme park, maybe even (if parents agree) a shopping spree with some bubble tea and an American style diner. Depends on budget though I guess…

We always do a family meal for birthdays and all happy with this. Low stress all round!

Look at a small restaurant where family can attend too. Or a pub with a buffét and disco etc. Somewhere you c a invite a mixture of family and her friends. This will make it less obvious if here are no shows from her peer group.

My daughter and her friends went out for a meal in lovely restaurants
One parent stayed whoever child's birthday it was. I didn't stay as I felt I would be cramping their style and they need to have their own private conversations. A trampoline party is very young.
They all loved it that way and they were able to feel like adults.

What is it about a party she would like, particularly? Maybe start from there. If she is autistic it might be an aspect of parties that you don't expect.

This is what I was going to suggest, talk to the teacher ahead of time and bring out a cake with candles and everyone says "Surprise!" and sings happy birthday at the end.

Why don’t you take them all out for dinner!!

right. we struggle to find OUR people, but when we find them, it's an amazing friendship. usually other NDs with the same special interests. I was in my teens when I met my now best friend for over 30 years, because we were both the unpopular wierdos who would go to the library and read at lunchtimes. got talking about what books we were reading, and have been great friends ever since. she's more into sci fi, I'm more into fantasy, nature and horror. but our geekiness fit well together, and we always had a great time, and help encourage each other to try days out the other might not have chosen, so we expand each others experiences too. a lot of ND girls don't really find their friendship group until they get older, and SO many of the people I've automatically got on with in adulthood then had a late diagnosis.
we'd probably all describe ourselves as introverts, but get us in a group with like minded people and we won't shut up.

By herself?

I’d be wary of a party boat at that age. No idea, just a gut feeling.

Trampoline park then pizza.

This. Separate celebrating her birthday from helping her build friendships.

Your DD could also take cake to her dance class? Chat to the teacher, see if they will pop some balloons up before the lesson? Make it special, but piggyback on the dance lesson so you know people will turn up?

It’s likely her classmates didn’t attend your Halloween evening because of their own needs, worries, and anxieties - so a birthday party would also be unmanageable for them.

Can you speak with your daughter about why she wants a party? It’s probably because she feels it’s the ‘normal’ or expected thing to do. If she genuinely likes her classmates, perhaps she could find out if they have any similar interests that you could arrange an activity around? Most posters here have said a trampolining party is too young, but if they are sensory seeking or also emotionally younger than their age, they may enjoy it!

My ASD DD turned 16 last week.
My DSS is 18 this week.
Neither have lots of friends & didn't want to do much for their birthdays.
We offered to hire a room for a small party but they didn't want to invite friends. I have a large family - 4 DCs, 3 of whom are grown up, 10 DGC & 4DGGC. Plus neices & their partners. We don't all fit in our house anymore, unless it's summer & we can spill into the garden.
So we hired a room for a family tea party, some family & godparents couldn't make it, but we did have 30 people & DC enjoyed it.
DD also went for a meal with her best friend on the Sunday, on her actual birthday she wanted to be with me & DGS,2, so we went to the coast with him & my eldest DD. That night me, DD, DSS & DH went for a meal. On the Tues we went for lunch with her older brother & he took her shopping.
On the Thurs she went bowling with 5 school friends. Then it was the tea party on Saturday.
I'm glad I didn't push them for a party with friends, as they don't have many & if people just hadn't turned up it would have been embarrassing for them.
But my DDs celebrations give you an idea of some things you could do. However, if no-one turned up for Halloween I'd gear your celebrations towards family. Or maybe just you & DD doing something really special together.

The OP has said she doesn’t have any friends

Feel for your DD, mine also struggles with friendships and anxiety and just the general nastiness between kids nowadays.

Trampoline is a no-go at 16, mine went with some friends at the weekend (they are 12) and think they are about to out-grow it already.

The party boat sounds amazing and would be - if she had friends (sorry). It might be tempting enough that some kids will turn up to it if invited but you could be opening yourself up to them sticking with eachother and ignoring DD, bringing their friends, alcohol etc. Or just not turning up.

I'd either try invite a few dance friends to a meal or try think of something you could do together, something she'd really love that would help put the party idea out of her head. A spa day, a show (dance related?), a night in a fancy hotel, a lovely meal out, shopping/make over (hair, nails) etc

If she's at the school due to anxiety do a lot of the peers suffer similarly?

If so making it more low key might help. If its something they will all find difficult it will never get off the ground