To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

Absolutely do not organise a get together for her it will end up in heartbreak for her and ND teens have it hard enough as it is, suggest a shopping day and get food and maybe even somewhere for mocktail make it special. My daughter is ND 23 now and has never had a friendship group it’s hard but she accepts it’s not for her. Good luck

thats a statement- it’s no wonder that they bully really?! Bullies usually find any reason to behave badly…they don’t need an excuse nor a trampoline party.

Going by some of the replies it's no wonder children bully other children. It's no wonder OP hasn't been back.

I don't think people are saying op's daughter is babyish. What many of us has said these other girls already pulled out of plans and to most 16 year olds, yes a trampoline party IS babyish. It can led to her being more cast out and teased.

I have to say I’m surprised by people saying it’s babyish. Granted, trampoline parks weren’t around back then, but I reckon I’d have had a right laugh with my mates. We were all NT and ‘cool girls’ to boot! I remember we did laser tag for my 14th birthday.

Do you have family friends who have children around same age/bit younger and could do something with them?

If she goes to a school for ND then they might not be up to a movie or pizza party either. I went to Thorpe Park for my 16th with just my parents and it was the best! You could go trampolining with just the three of you. I did a trampolining party with a high number of ND folk and it wasn't great!

You can't instantly get her friends. And if you're ND you need to make the right sort of friends anyway. Otherwise it's exhausting being someone you are not. I did have parties with friends but usually only a couple and we'd go out for a meal or something like that.

She doesn’t have any friends and she goes to a special school. I’ll be calling up the headteacher and talking to them about creating friendship groups in the school. Maybe the school has a special way of celebrating birthdays. Ask about that.Do not have a birthday party at home, it’s ridiculous, read what you’re written she doesn’t have any friends.

Not all kids are the same and you shouldn't judge.

If a child was in a wheelchair I highly doubt you would question their abilities being different from their peers. The OPs daughter is autistic. You can't compare your own experience.

Does her school run a prom? If so that will be a nice party to look forward to and you can make a fuss of her with her outfit etc.

Trampolining is a very babyish activity for 16 year olds. My almost-8yos would probably think that was a bit babyish as well. My friendship group was doing sleepovers and house parties at that age.

A birthday party isn't the place to magically make friends, and honestly, at 16, she's too old for you to be managing her social circle to this extent as well.

Do a family thing instead - much less stress all round.

That's not what I'm saying really, Im not advising a trampoline party.

My comment was more directed at those comments that are coming across a bit mocking/sneery when they don't seem to have enough awareness to appreciate not all kids are the same.

I would advise against party boat if it has a set time of departure or something
I’m also traumatised by a uni friend’s 21st on a party canal boat in Birmingham with being stuck in close quarters with his am dram friends who were lovely but launched into show tunes, and with warm white wine from a box. It was dark, couldn’t see out of the steamed up windows and it was cramped with no outside area!

I hope she has a lovely birthday
my (ND) dd was having friendship problems around her 14th birthday and didn’t really do anything apart from a sleepover with one friend but we had some nice family celebrations.

Totally agree with @Willyoujustbequiet. This is one of the reasons why mixing dance friends and classmates from SEMH school could be tricky. How do you balance the noise levels and activity choice so everyone is comfortable and finding it fun?

It is going to be hard enough for some school friends to pitch up at a party anyway - you have to expect a lot of "can't not won't" on the day with her autistic, severely anxious peers. If they are mixing with mainstream peers they don't know, AND DD has the pressure of making it something acceptable to the latter, it's a lot. Ditto with concert tickets - anxious friends are more likely to be no-shows due to what's going on in their heads, nothing to do with DD, and then DD will be sat next to their empty seats the whole time.

I would encourage a family day out or big ticket show instead. Something that really gives her a buzz - eg rollercoasters if she likes them, so she gets a "hit" of wow this feels amazing. Say Halloween showed that maybe her friends are not in a great place at the moment so it would be hard for them to come to a party (assuming they were school friends?). But Y11 is pretty full on and life won't always be like this. There will be other years when maybe people are in a better place and you'll be open to doing a party then.

Whoever ur going to invite send a save the date msg and try to work put from there who's coming

For the girl in the op it might not be babyish but for the guests? Do you genuinely think it will be popular with kids of that age?

But the issue is that while it might be suitable for dd the other kids might not turn up because they'd consider it too young. I don't know if this is true, kids at a dance school might enjoy trampolining especially if they know a few tricks they can show off - or they might hate it as they thing it's babyish. The party boat sounds like it could be a nightmare - would anyone want to go on a boat in winter?

I think the best thing for dd to do would be to chat to other kids, say her birthday is coming up and say she's not sure what to do for it and see if she can get some ideas from others. But i don't know if that is something she'd be up for doing?

I think the idea of doing something straight after dance class is a good idea if possible. Nail bar and dinner out might appeal others but dd might not be interested in getting her nails done. A show is another idea that might appeal to dd and teens at a dance group.

I would say that dd might find she gets on better with kids a little younger than her - they will have less expectation than other 15/16 year olds. They are also more likely to look up to someone a little older which can really help.

Totally agree.

My daughter is disabled and could not attend school. She had a best friend on line who lived in Devon (we live in Sheffield). When she was 18 we invited her friend and his family. We also invited her cousins and nuts and uncles. It was great.

Most 13 year olds would think themselves too old for a trampoline party. She's also inviting people who aren't neurodivergent and wants them to attend the party. They won't come to something that they don't think is fun as they're not friends with OP's DD and therefore don't have any reason to just attend to see her, unfortunately.

Some of these comments are clueless and prove some posters know nothing about neurodiversity.

Kids who are nd can typically run about 3 years behind in maturity. So anyone calling a trampoline party babyish needs to give their head a wobble.

Also small classes do not necessarily equate to special school.

What reason did the three girls give for cancelling on Halloween? 15/16 can be a very hard age for making friends. For my 16th, three out of the four girls from my friendship group didn’t turn up - same thing - they initially said yes, but after the queen bee cancelled because “she had plans”, suddenly the other two cancelled because they’d forgotten they had plans too. They told me that they were going for a night out that day (clubbing), knowing that I was not allowed to go out. I asked if we could do something in the day and they said they needed to get ready lol. In reality, it was the start of them pushing me out of the group as I was “different”

I know I’ll get accused of projecting my own experiences, but depending on the reasons for them cancelling the Halloween plans you might not want to push for them to be invited to another thing that they don’t want to come to. Beware of potential bullying from the girls that have cancelled. If they don’t want to be friends with your daughter, she won’t convince them with a party (especially if they consider it babyish).

I really wish that my parents had offered to take me to a theme park or something instead for my birthday. Or if she’s desperate to go trampolining, I’d be tempted to only invite one or two and wouldn’t invite the three girls who already let her down

I’m sorry but if her friends don’t tend to turn up or cancel last minute then I’d be encouraging your daughter to do something without friends… could you and a few family members, cousins etc go to the cinema then for a buffet or something? I’d be reluctant to spend money on so called friends who may not even turn up!

I so so feel for you. My daughter has autism, adhd and anxiety. Relatively low on the autism spectrum, I think if you didn't know you might just think she is full of energy and bossy as she masks very well out, and then breakdown at home. We have had similar issues, she desperately wants friends and parties. We spend an absolute fortune, invite 20 people, about 10 actually show. But! Over the years we have build friendships, and now that same 8 girls (plus her and her sister) are at our parties. Church was a good place to make friends, and, similar to you at dance. She just needed help, we would go over and over good ways to start conversations, give her a fidget bracelet to try and reduce her hugging people! Once she has made the friendships, people realise she is very loyal, kind and clever, and understand her bossiness is her need for things to be right. For example, when playing barbies last week, she was worked up because one girl wanted the princess doll to go milk a cow, and my daughter was like a princess wasn't do that! And I don't have a barbie cow! The cow is a squshimellow! You can't mix them! But she's learnt if the game isn't going how she goes, she can say she needs a drink and step away for a minute, and her friends have learnt, through parents, everyone is different and Grace likes things to be right.

Personally I would try for a big party, invite loads, as long as some turn up, yes it might be wasted money, but she will be happy. Pizza straight from dance and pamper evening sounds good. Her home will be her safe space so less pressure. Pizza hut cater for every allergy going and I don't know any teenager who doesn't like it! Or, as she loves dancing, tickets to a concert definitely sound like a winner as people wouldn't just not turn up, just invite say 3 just in case 1 is genieunly ill or awful lol.

This website is helpful. Good luck.

If she wants a party vibe and you have some fun family but not enough for the boat, maybe see if there is somewhere that has a karaoke room for a smaller number of people (if she likes that of course).

Do you have any friends with kids a similar age so it’s more of a few families or something along side her extended family?