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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

287 replies

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

OP posts:
Hopelessinhomecounties · 03/11/2024 17:28

Leave before it’s time to eat again! So about 4 🤣

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:27

PaminaMozart · 03/11/2024 16:54

So they've only had a 1 course lunch?

Surely you'll give them some tea and cake, or at least biscuits, before you send them on their way?

No

OP posts:
Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:27

They've gone. They said "we won't stay for dinner, best be off".

😐

OP posts:
JustLoretta · 03/11/2024 17:23

Hold on, this is your partners parents? I do think some additional slack is required. They raised your partner! Surely some kindness and making an effort wouldn't go amiss? If its your in laws you can't be rude and IMO should just suck it up and try to be hospitable.

Iliketulips · 03/11/2024 17:19

It all depends on circumstances. If lunch is a sandwich, quiche & salad, then maybe an hour after washing up is done. If more, then I'd hope they've gone by 4pm. If they're still with you, definitely don't offer them any more drinks and don't mention or show any signs of making tea. Maybe now, tell them one of you is sorry, but you really need to get something done or sorted before you're too tired later on and and do it immediately - hopefully they'll take the hint that they need to go then.

Sparkletastic · 03/11/2024 17:18

The phrase you need is 'Cup of tea before you get on the road?'

betterangels · 03/11/2024 17:18

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:14

He's been texting me regularly on the sly asking why they haven't left.

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Well, if he wants his parents gone, he should man the fuck up and be honest. That might mean that they won't come again, which sounds like both of you would consider a good thing.

NoisyDenimShaker · 03/11/2024 17:17

4pm is quite late to leave if you were invited for lunch, imo. I'd think 3pm is more like it.

Flossflower · 03/11/2024 17:17

I always say something like 12:30 for 1. Nobody would come before 12:30 then.
I would expect people to leave before tea, but they might stay most of the afternoon.
I did have to explain to a relative ages ago that if I was going to invite them for tea as well as lunch, I would have told them in the first place! I can be quite blunt.

YouAreOne · 03/11/2024 17:16

I get it op. If I invite people for lunch at 1 I'd want them leaving by 3.

But I know some people would be massively offended if you didn't stay until at least 7. Everyone is different, you've got to be clear when inviting.

Twototwo15 · 03/11/2024 17:16

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:13

We went out Friday night. Did a day trip with them yesterday and today they are meant to be going home

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This sounds as if they don’t live near you, so probably want to make the most of a visit to or near you. It’s not unreasonable that they spend longer than an hour or two for lunch in that case.

RevelryMum · 03/11/2024 17:15

JollyPinkFox · 03/11/2024 15:53

Depends heavily on context, I’d personally feel very rude if I went for lunch then left as soon as I’d eaten

Agree with this

LookItsMeAgain · 03/11/2024 17:14

Start clearing up after lunch.
When that's done, sit back down for about 10 minutes.
After that, then do as @Withtheday has suggested, moving them towards the door with every comment/response/reply you give them

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 03/11/2024 17:13

Lunches with friends typically start at 1 and finish around 4 for us? That's both them coming to us and vice versa. I'd feel quite rude to shoot off so quickly.

WonderingWanda · 03/11/2024 17:12

My inlaws and parents both live a couple of hours away so if they came to visit for the weekend even if staying elsewhere we'd be expecting to host them for most of the weekend. If they live down the road then it's a bit odd. Is the first time they've visited you for lunch?

ttcat37 · 03/11/2024 17:11

Get the ironing board out and start ironing clothes for work tomorrow, put your pyjamas and slippers on, ask if they want a quick cuppa before they LEAVE, go to the loo for a good half hour, ask if they mind letting themselves out as you’re going in the bath…

pizzaHeart · 03/11/2024 17:06

I think if you want people to leave at certain time you need to tell them : Yes, lunch is great but we only have time until 1.30 due to “ insert a reason” . Is it ok for you?
then at 1.30 say: sorry but we really need move on …

Good news: it won’t happen again as you’ll be more prepared next time so count this one as an experience.

Notreat · 03/11/2024 17:04

I'd expect the to stay until early evening or late afternoon. around 4 or five . Certainly not just an hour after they have eaten

MissHalloween · 03/11/2024 17:01

3.30pm

TofuTart · 03/11/2024 17:01

Seems a bit eat and run. If 11 I'd say around 2 - 3pm, that way you've got time to eat without rushing and time to have a chat/catch up.

Namerequired · 03/11/2024 17:00

That’s considered an eat and run and very rude. I would expect them to stay for the afternoon.
As it’s your in-laws I would expect them to stay as long as they like, that’s family not guests.

Lickthips · 03/11/2024 16:59

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 03/11/2024 15:55

Come for lunch, leave by 4pm

This

EuclidianGeometryFan · 03/11/2024 16:55

Have they gone yet?

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 16:54

Arrive 12 /1 ish leave 4ish

PaminaMozart · 03/11/2024 16:54

So they've only had a 1 course lunch?

Surely you'll give them some tea and cake, or at least biscuits, before you send them on their way?