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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

287 replies

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 03/11/2024 18:02

Posts like these make me so glad I don't have friends or family like this.

DGPP · 03/11/2024 18:01

I’d feel so rude leaving at 2pm! But I’d also feel rude serving one course as you have. If I invite people for lunch I expect them to leave 5 to 7pm. If they left at 2pm or 3pm I’d think they had had a rubbish time.

SkankingWombat · 03/11/2024 18:01

I start by only inviting people over if I enjoy their company (family don't automatically get this invite out of obligation). I would expect lunch guests to leave before prep starts for dinner generally, but as meals when hosting tend to be grander and longer than usual, dinner would be much later than normal or just be a light snack/leftovers. If we were all still merrily chatting away blind to the time when dinner time came around, I would invite guests to stay for the light dinner too. I love cooking for, eating with and socialising with the people I care enough about to invite over. If anything, the time always seems to go too quickly.

I would consider both inviting guests round for just 1 course (unless it was for a specific reason eg quick bite before setting out together for a gig) or guests leaving soon after eating very rude. The latter would leave me believing we had somehow upset our guests. DH's culture sees this as very rude too and would heavily criticise the guests for 'nyam an go wey'. Being married into his family would definitely not suit your timings OP - a 'lunch' with them sees the first guests arriving around 1pm, 3 courses spread over around 4 hours and everyone leaving around 11/11.30pm...

Delatron · 03/11/2024 18:00

Also I think there’s a huge difference between ILs and mates so if you’d have made that clear in your original post you may have got different answers.

Mates I’d have round for hours!

ProfessorInkling · 03/11/2024 18:00

Meet at the pub next time!

Lunch, walk, or the other way around, and you can go home to peace 😻

ShillyShallySherbet · 03/11/2024 17:59

I think it’s rude to leave less any than an hour after you’ve eaten if you’ve been invited to lunch, unless you have communicated the time you need to leave and you have a good reason. Leaving two hours after lunch has finished is a good time. Any longer you’re outstaying your welcome.

If someone was outstaying their welcome I think I’d just excuse myself and say sorry I need to get dinner ready/ homework or bath time with the children/ go and clean up the kitchen or something so it’s clear the socialising is done and it’s time for them to go. They can carry on sitting on our sofa on their own if they want while we go about our business around them but I expect most people would take the hint and leave.

Delatron · 03/11/2024 17:59

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:32

Yes I think if there wasn't distance to travel we'd have had this!

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My ILs do this - they stay for hours and hours. DH gets more annoyed than I do.

Now we tend to meet them out at restaurants and say we have plans at a specific time after.

LookItsMeAgain · 03/11/2024 17:57

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:27

They've gone. They said "we won't stay for dinner, best be off".

😐

I would have laughed and said "Well that's just as well as you actually weren't included in the pot!"

Josette77 · 03/11/2024 17:56

So they are in town visiting but not staying with you? I think leaving at 4 is reasonable.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 03/11/2024 17:55

Seems a bit abrupt to leave straight after food?

2024onwardsandup · 03/11/2024 17:55

My mates would invariably leaving after midnight…

muddyford · 03/11/2024 17:46

We have usually arrived about noon, started eating about 1.00, dossed about gossiping till 4.00.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:45

ObtuseMoose · 03/11/2024 17:43

Imagine being this arseholey to your own parents or in-laws.

They are quite rude people

OP posts:
Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:45

FamilyPhoto · 03/11/2024 17:34

I had this every other week for about 5 years.

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I don't know how you coped!

OP posts:
ObtuseMoose · 03/11/2024 17:43

Imagine being this arseholey to your own parents or in-laws.

BirthdayRainbow · 03/11/2024 17:39

You sound very unwelcoming. Your h is wet too for slyly texting you. Poor in laws who aren't welcome or wanted.

Peakypolly · 03/11/2024 17:38

Firstly I've never been invited for lunch that early because none of my friends live in a hospital, nursing home or school. 😂
Why can't you tell your guests what time they are welcome from? Obviously 11am is way too early.
In answer to your question though, when we invite family/friends for Sunday lunch they would arrive 1ish and leave...well, they just have... so 5ish.

Flowerydresses · 03/11/2024 17:37

If I invite fir a weekend lunch its family or close friends and they usually spend the afternoon with us after

Technonan · 03/11/2024 17:36

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:10

How do we initiate a flyby next time?

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Don't invite people to lunch.

FamilyPhoto · 03/11/2024 17:34

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:32

Yes I think if there wasn't distance to travel we'd have had this!

Show quote history

I had this every other week for about 5 years.

Autumnalsun · 03/11/2024 17:33

Sparkletastic · 03/11/2024 17:18

The phrase you need is 'Cup of tea before you get on the road?'

Yes!! 👏 👏

TomatoPumpkin · 03/11/2024 17:32

Depends - are you my in laws in which case eat and leave, or are you my best friend and her two kids who I want to colour with, play with, take to the park, let my friend have a nap…oh look now it’s dinner time

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 17:32

FamilyPhoto · 03/11/2024 17:29

Ah, yes , my PIL would think nothing of staying until we were getting ready for bed !
In the end I actually used to get their coats at around 5 ish and cheerily thank them for coming . If they didn't make a move to leave I would get the kids around the desk table and start checking homework ect. , then do bathtime. After a few times of doing this they got the hint.

Yes I think if there wasn't distance to travel we'd have had this!

OP posts:
Autumnalsun · 03/11/2024 17:32

I think it’s really rude to rock up for lunch and then leave soon after.

Ive never been to anyone else’s/they’ve come to mine just for a couple of hours.
Else it looks like you’ve literally just come to fill your belly and then leave again.

I think they left at a normal time.

Perhaps in future, only invite them for dinner (or meet out) and then start dropping hints about how tired you are.

FamilyPhoto · 03/11/2024 17:29

Ah, yes , my PIL would think nothing of staying until we were getting ready for bed !
In the end I actually used to get their coats at around 5 ish and cheerily thank them for coming . If they didn't make a move to leave I would get the kids around the desk table and start checking homework ect. , then do bathtime. After a few times of doing this they got the hint.