To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

Okay. They are rude and pick holes in everything you do all day, and you have treated them politely for YEARS, and put up with their digs for years.

I suspected there'd be quite a back story. So why do you see them so often, and for long weekends too?

They probably stayed so long because of your sparkling wit and conversation OP.

I use offering a round of tea as a way of ending a meal and getting people to think about leaving. I saw it done by a female relative and it worked so well I’ve adopted it.

But that’s usually after many courses and hours and much wine consumed, so it shifts the mood nicely without people feeling like they’re unwanted. I have no idea how to make in laws leave because mine don’t drink or seem to really enjoy food that much so meals are not lingered upon.

I can imagine how you felt after a whole weekend of them and then them staying until 17:30 on the Sunday too after lunch though. I’d have gone for a lie down. If you spend many years cultivating a reputation as a bit of a Victorian lady people don’t tend to question it.

Crikey. One course and hints to leave. You sound like miserable hosts!

When I've been invited to lunch for say 1pm I would probably leave about 4
In your case, it appears you feel awkward seeing them
How does DP get on with his parents?
I see you have seen them for 3 days in a row and it might feel longer if it's hard going

I didn't like my ex-PILs at all and I had good reasons, but if I invited them for lunch, I blocked out the day for them, gave them at least two courses of home-cooked, good quality food plus alcohol if they wanted it, and assumed they would stay long enough to play boardgames with the kids, go for a walk or sit around chatting and catching up before having afternoon tea/coffee and cake/biscuits. If they had stayed later for any reason I would have sucked that up. I had the whole evening to lie down with a cold compress on my head or get trashed on leftover wine. If they are so extraordinarily awful that you can't manage that, then meet them in a restaurant. I think you are rude and your attitude to hosting and/or being a guest is weird.

No, I’d consider it rude to leave within in an hour of being fed. If lunch was at 12:30 I’d expect my guests to be leaving no earlier than 2:00 and no later than 5pm.

If your response to their rudeness is to be equally rude back, that’s your choice.

It doesn’t make expecting guests to show up for an hour and a half at most, serving one course, then expecting them to leave as soon as they put their knife and fork down any more polite.

I wouldn't invite anyone for lunch if I thought they were going to leave soon after! The whole point of it for me is to hang out and chat for an extended period. I think you can sort of play it by ear though - if someone wants you to leave they will usually hint at having something to do soon.

Wow! They've come to see you, forked out for a hotel because you presumably don't want them staying with you, and you can't get rid of them fast enough.

Actually not wow, just sad. I don't know if you have children but if you do can you imagine not being welcome to see them as adults

While inviting themselves (as you have drip fed) is rude, you have been shockingly rude as well.

I guess it’s just as well you’ve ended up with them - they aren’t imposing on a DIL who treats them politely and you aren’t making it clear to decent in-laws that you are a rude and grudging host.

If I was invited to family or friends for ‘lunch’, I would assume that meant arrive after breakfast (11 at the latest) and leave about 4.30 / 5.00, i.e. before dinner prep. I would think it shockingly rude to treat a friend / relative like a restaurant - show up, eat, then leave without any socialising before or after.

I would find it t weird if someone arrived for lunch before 12:30 to be honest, but I’d also find it strange if they left by 1:30/2🤣 if someone arrived at 11 then they are there for breakfast/brunch so 2 is an acceptable time to leave. Lunch to me would be 1-4ish

So you see them 6 times a year and 4 of those times they pay for a hotel. I think its a bit churlish to complain really

I’d expect Sunday lunch to last at least 3 hours including a drink beforehand and coffee afterwards.
If I feel that guests are overstaying their welcome I usually say ‘Would you like a cup of tea before you get on the road?’

What’s the situation @purplebeansprouts have they come to stay for the weekend, but not actually staying with you?

Presumably they want to see as much of you as possible whilst they are down?

Yes. Doesn’t sound good. 🙄

How often do you see them. Dud they stay with you or elsewhere

If this is for Sunday lunch I’d say arrive 1pm for 2pm lunch, we’d eat some chips and dips and have a few glasses of something while finishing off cooking, then we’d eat leisurely until 4pm then hang out drinking until 6/7pm.