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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

287 replies

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

OP posts:
TriangleLight · 03/11/2024 19:09

Gosh, how dismal

YourRubyLion · 03/11/2024 19:08

If you want people to leave by 1 you need to say it at the invite stage. Otherwise, how do they know there is a time to leave?

Livelongnow · 03/11/2024 19:06

I'd be thinking we'd be drinking till mid-afternoon - and if not the invite would specify a leave time

EdithBond · 03/11/2024 19:06

If someone invited me over for lunch at 12:30, I’d arrive just beforehand and make moves to leave about 2:30-3:00pm. If they said to stay, I might stay for a bit longer.

In my home, I love people staying as long as they like. All very relaxed, with various people popping in. When it was grandparents, they stayed as long as they wanted, as they’re family, even the ex’s parents, who weren’t entirely on our wavelength. We didn’t get to see them very often and they’re family.

Orders76 · 03/11/2024 19:04

I'd tell people 'invite to lunch 12-2'
If I invited someone for lunch and they were here 11-4 I would be well and truly fed off. I can't talk to visitors and cook for 5 hours.

Wexone · 03/11/2024 19:04

Sweet Jesus 😱 I just had my mother in law and her friend here for lunch. they came about 1 lunch served at 1:30pm had dessert too they helped clean up. then had coffee and another glass of one and chats in living room. they left about 5. God couldn't imagine shoving guests out so soon after lunch.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/11/2024 19:03

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:10

How do we initiate a flyby next time?

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I suppose you invite someone just for a cup of tea, but if I was invited somewhere and expected to leave after an hour, I wouldn't go unless the person lived down the road and it was our work from home lunch break or something. I wouldn't bother going to another part of town on a weekend to be kicked out straight after eating.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/11/2024 19:01

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

No, not at all. A leisurely lunch is at least two hours. One hour, I wouldn't even bother travelling for.

AquaLeader · 03/11/2024 18:58

What a utterly miserable thread.

At least, the OP and her husband are well matched.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:56

Lickthips · 03/11/2024 18:46

Do they drink? I'm teetotal and don't drink coffee but I'd offer both to guests.

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We don't have alcohol in the house

OP posts:
TheHighPriestess1 · 03/11/2024 18:55

I would have feigned ignorance and asked who it was

justasking111 · 03/11/2024 18:50

Lickthips · 03/11/2024 18:46

Do they drink? I'm teetotal and don't drink coffee but I'd offer both to guests.

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So would most folks.

DaisyChain505 · 03/11/2024 18:50

I wouldn’t be arriving so early before lunch was served as I’d prefer to hang around afterwards so it didn’t look like I was eating and running and only there for the food.

Surgicalprecison · 03/11/2024 18:49

Lunch at home? Be there for 11-1130 stay til 2/3 and have left by 330 at the latest.

Lickthips · 03/11/2024 18:46

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:35

No we don't drink

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Do they drink? I'm teetotal and don't drink coffee but I'd offer both to guests.

ObtuseMoose · 03/11/2024 18:44

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:35

No we don't drink

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You must be horribly thirsty.

Tumbleweed101 · 03/11/2024 18:44

I'd expect someone to arrive between 12-1 (unless I'd specified an exact time). I'd expect an acquaintance to leave by around 2.30 but family not before dinner time.

Lickthips · 03/11/2024 18:44

If one of the things they pick holes in is your (you and your dh's) shortcomings as a hosts, tbh they may have a point.

justasking111 · 03/11/2024 18:41

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:35

No we don't drink

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Oh they might improve after they've had a glass of wine

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:40

Silvers11 · 03/11/2024 18:37

@purplebeansprouts Unfortunately you didn't put all the details in your first post, which is why you are getting some of the replies you are getting. Drip-feeding is a bit frowned on, when posting on MN.

I think if your in-laws were spending the weekend at a hotel in order to spend time with you, then I would not have expected them to leave right after lunch ( depending how long it was going to take them to get home).

I understand you don't like them, so it seemed like forever, however you can't expect them to rush away when they are there specifically to spend time with you and their son! It's sad really that they were expected not to arrive too early as well.

Edited

Sorry about that I thought etiquette would be the same for everyone. I never usually stay long after lunch - about an hour, unless invited to stay.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 03/11/2024 18:37

@purplebeansprouts Unfortunately you didn't put all the details in your first post, which is why you are getting some of the replies you are getting. Drip-feeding is a bit frowned on, when posting on MN.

I think if your in-laws were spending the weekend at a hotel in order to spend time with you, then I would not have expected them to leave right after lunch ( depending how long it was going to take them to get home).

I understand you don't like them, so it seemed like forever, however you can't expect them to rush away when they are there specifically to spend time with you and their son! It's sad really that they were expected not to arrive too early as well.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 18:35

SiobhanSharpe · 03/11/2024 18:34

That sounds joyless.
Do they get offered a glass of wine, or coffee after this one-course lunch?

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No we don't drink

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 03/11/2024 18:34

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

They wanted to arrive at 10!

One course. We don't do pudding really.

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That sounds joyless.
Do they get offered a glass of wine, or coffee after this one-course lunch?

titchy · 03/11/2024 18:32

We don't all live in houses with spare rooms for visitors

We used to sleep on the sofa and give in laws our bed 🤷‍♀️ (and yes they were fucking irritating...)

Even if they're happy to stay in a hotel rather than put you out, the point remains they came to see you. Not have a nice spa weekend in a hotel. And you clearly don't want to see them. You expected them to spend the morning, and last two evenings presumably, in their hotel room twiddling their thumbs. It's sad. That's all. Sad.

Pottedpalm · 03/11/2024 18:29

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

They aren't my friends they are my inlaws

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Of course they are. I knew this before I began to read. Another pissy thread about in laws. Best go no contact.