Page 4 | To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

purplebeansprouts · 2024-11-03T15:47:38+00:00

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

MadinMarch · 03/11/2024 20:07

OakElmAsh · 03/11/2024 15:54

God no, coming for lunch for me could often mean hanging out till 3 or 4 pm 😂

Or even 5 or 6 in my circle. Though we have been known to carry on til about10pm....
Depends on your friendship group I suppose.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/11/2024 20:06

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

They aren't my friends they are my inlaws

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Ah. I see. That explains a lot. You don't like them and don't want them there at all really, do you?

Mill3nnial · 03/11/2024 20:03

You don't sound very welcoming OP, sorry, but they are your husband's parents!

Since they are family I'd have felt comfortable getting up and getting on with things I needed to do

wordler · 03/11/2024 20:00

Weekend lunch invite for friends or distant relatives would be arrive 1130am for lunch at 1pm. Lunch at the table lasts till about 2pm. Then an hour of socializing either a quick walk around the village, or gossiping in kitchen with another glass of wine over clean up (depending on guests) and then coffee and something sweet in living room or garden till about 4-4.30pm. Guests leave by 5pm.

However parents and in-law parents - come over and hang out as soon as you get up and stay for as long as possible before you have to go home.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/11/2024 19:59

Depends. If it was a midweek thing, you and a girlfriend or two having a simple, light meal then a couple of hours is more than sufficient.

If it's a family invitation to Sunday lunch then I'd expect to arrive around 12 to 12.30, to eat at around 1 to 1.30 and stay for most of the afternoon, but would definitely be gone by teatime.

SoDemure · 03/11/2024 19:42

All of this sounds a bit nuts but I can't believe you didn't even offer a tea or coffee after the meal or for the road? That's unspeakably rude.

AnxietyLevelMax · 03/11/2024 19:37

When i invite someone for lunch (or the other way) it means i am expecting someone to come and spend time with me/us and i will be providing lunch so guests dont have to eat before they come to mine 🫣 they usually stay till 4-5 depends on other circumstances…otherwise i invite for a coffee/cake and no one stays half a day

LindorDoubleChoc · 03/11/2024 19:35

No, not shortly after lunch. I reckon an hour after the post lunch coffee?

Invited to lunch for 12. Lunch comes at 1pm. Coffee at 2pm. Leave at 3pm. Something like that.

In my circle now, an invite for lunch is always at the weekend, doesn't involve children (bliss) and in doing lunch rather than dinner the hosts are tacitly saying they'd like you to be on your way by late afternoon/early evening. Say 4 to 5pm.

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 19:34

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 03/11/2024 19:26

You have to announce 'the walk'. They are welcome to join you for 'the walk'. Ideally it will be somewhere you need to drive to in all available cars, make sure they take everything with them. At the end of the walk you stand around by the cars telling them how lovely it has been to see them and you hope they have a safe trip back.

Good idea!

OP posts:

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 19:34

Herewegoagain84 · 03/11/2024 19:26

You sound a jolly old bunch!

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Or.. there are various medical conditions involved.

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 03/11/2024 19:26

You have to announce 'the walk'. They are welcome to join you for 'the walk'. Ideally it will be somewhere you need to drive to in all available cars, make sure they take everything with them. At the end of the walk you stand around by the cars telling them how lovely it has been to see them and you hope they have a safe trip back.

Herewegoagain84 · 03/11/2024 19:26

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 19:25

They don't eat pudding either 🙄

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You sound a jolly old bunch!

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 19:25

Herewegoagain84 · 03/11/2024 19:23

This too… you may not like pudding etc but if you’re hosting others it’s usually offered.

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They don't eat pudding either 🙄

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2024 19:24

I get 10 is a bit early but maybe that was hotel check out time

Herewegoagain84 · 03/11/2024 19:23

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 19:09

.No booze or pudding and the company of this op huffing that the guests not gone after a hours lunch sounds a really miserable scenario

This too… you may not like pudding etc but if you’re hosting others it’s usually offered.

Herewegoagain84 · 03/11/2024 19:22

decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:07

This is the sort of thing that really needs communicating beforehand, OP. As shown on this thread, expectations vary wildly.

I'd want any lunch guests gone by 2 but others clearly find it rude to leave so soon.

If having friends over I make sure I set a clear end point by way of 'I need to collect DS from X' or 'I have an appointment at X' or 'my DD needs her nap'. Gives me an out and makes socialising easier for me to manage.

I wouldn’t say expectations vary wildly as shown on this thread - the vast majority have suggested 4pm would be a standard time to leave after lunch at someone’s house. I would agree.

Teateaandmoretea · 03/11/2024 19:22

Washingupdone · 03/11/2024 19:20

How far away do they live?

This is highly relevant.

plus how often you see them.

My dad fairly frequently does flyby meals. But he lives locally and knows we have stuff on.

Washingupdone · 03/11/2024 19:20

How far away do they live?

justasking111 · 03/11/2024 19:19

To be fair to @purplebeansprouts the in-laws sound like hard work, putting her down all the time.

Maybe it's time her husband stood up to them and told them it had to stop or they would not be welcome in the house, nor would they be visiting the parents anymore.

I wonder why he hasn't done that.

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 19:19

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 19:09

.No booze or pudding and the company of this op huffing that the guests not gone after a hours lunch sounds a really miserable scenario

That's so rude. We have our reasons for not having alcohol

OP posts:

Teateaandmoretea · 03/11/2024 19:18

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:10

How do we initiate a flyby next time?

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You talk to them beforehand.

Ah yes it’s lovely you’re coming for lunch. Just to let you know though that we need to be out by 2pm / have work to do in the afternoon etc etc.

If it’s your in laws surely you know them well enough to have such a simple conversation.

WillowTree33 · 03/11/2024 19:17

Sorry OP this isn’t a helpful comment at all but my in-laws are French and the very thought of me expecting them to eat lunch in one hour (and finish at 1.30pm!!) has got me 😂😂😂

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 19:10

My parents came at 12.30 left at 4 ish lots of booze pudding and scrabble. But we actually enjoy each others company.

Surgicalprecison · 03/11/2024 19:10

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 19:09

.No booze or pudding and the company of this op huffing that the guests not gone after a hours lunch sounds a really miserable scenario

This. I'd have left early just to get away from the misery.

TheaBrandt · 03/11/2024 19:09

.No booze or pudding and the company of this op huffing that the guests not gone after a hours lunch sounds a really miserable scenario