Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

287 replies

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

OP posts:
sangriaandsunshine · 03/11/2024 16:13

Well is the issue the lunch aspect of the visit or the fact that they want to be in your house much longer than you want them to be there? If they were always planning on spending 5 or 6 hours with you, then by pushing back the start time you have naturally pushed back the finish time. If the plan at the outset had been for them to come over for a quick lunch, then arrive by midday and leave by 2.30 might be acceptable (although I would expect that to have been clearly communicated).
In my 20s, Sunday lunch often went on into early evening and ended up in the pub.

StampOnTheGround · 03/11/2024 16:13

I think now you've said it's the in laws I'd expect that they'd stay a bit longer and catch up even more.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:12

They've been there since 11?

Show quote history

Yes and that was only because I made crystal clear if they came round at 10 as planned no one would be in

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 03/11/2024 16:12

Ha, oh dear, you need to start talking about all the other things you need to get done today.

Then move to 'well it's been lovely to see you but we need to do x, y, z now'.

decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:12

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:11

Christ, you're nice. Maybe just don't invite them round again if you resent spending more than 2 hours with your friends?

Show quote history

They've been there since 11?

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:11

Christ, you're nice. Maybe just don't invite them round again if you resent spending more than 2 hours with your friends?

Show quote history

They aren't my friends they are my inlaws

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 03/11/2024 16:11

You invite someone to lunch serving only one course and then don't want them to stay to socialise? Why extend the invitation to start with ?

decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:11

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

How to we make them leave? We've hinted heavily.

Show quote history

Offer them a 'last drink before you go'?

It's Sunday, do you have kids who need to get stuff ready for back to school tomorrow after Half Term?

May need to be until. 'We've loved having you but need to get things ready for work/school tomorrow, do you need any help gathering your coats?'

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:11

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

How to we make them leave? We've hinted heavily.

Show quote history

Christ, you're nice. Maybe just don't invite them round again if you resent spending more than 2 hours with your friends?

StampOnTheGround · 03/11/2024 16:11

I would say about 4pm too - it's not an in then out job socialising for lunch.

AnathemaPulsifer · 03/11/2024 16:11

I’d expect to stay until at least 3, possibly 4. I’ve been to family for lunch today and arrived at 12:15, left at 3pm (but only that early because my sister who’d been there for the weekend wanted to head home.

W0tnow · 03/11/2024 16:11

Anyone I invited to lunch, friend or family, I’d expect to settle in for an afternoon of sobremesa!

Calamitousness · 03/11/2024 16:10

If somebody arrived at 11am for lunch, I wouldn’t answer the door. We’d all just be getting up. If you’re invited for lunch, you arrive at 12:30/1pm. Eat lunch and leave anytime before 9pm, of course if you don’t want your guests to stay then you don’t offer wine/fizz/mimosa or bloody Mary’s with lunch and just give tea and coffee then stop offering any more refreshments when foods been eaten and start clearing the table and stacking the dishwasher. Then you make sure the conversations dries up and sit in silence with an occasional glance at your watch. I’d be running out of there asap.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/11/2024 16:10

Weekday or Saturday lunch - more likely to be other things going on, wouldn't expect to linger so long.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:10

Screamingabdabz · 03/11/2024 16:09

An invitation to lunch means you leave before dinner so I agree with what pp have said - leave around 4. Leaving at 1.30 is just a flyby.

How do we initiate a flyby next time?

OP posts:
Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:07

This is the sort of thing that really needs communicating beforehand, OP. As shown on this thread, expectations vary wildly.

I'd want any lunch guests gone by 2 but others clearly find it rude to leave so soon.

If having friends over I make sure I set a clear end point by way of 'I need to collect DS from X' or 'I have an appointment at X' or 'my DD needs her nap'. Gives me an out and makes socialising easier for me to manage.

How to we make them leave? We've hinted heavily.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 03/11/2024 16:09

An invitation to lunch means you leave before dinner so I agree with what pp have said - leave around 4. Leaving at 1.30 is just a flyby.

Original poster
purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

BeMintBee · 03/11/2024 16:03

I think arriving an hour and half before is odd and 12.30 is a bit early. Personally for me I’d say arrive at 12.30 and then food around 1pm. Would probably anticipate people staying until 4ish maybe later.

They wanted to arrive at 10!

One course. We don't do pudding really.

OP posts:
decorativecushions · 03/11/2024 16:07

This is the sort of thing that really needs communicating beforehand, OP. As shown on this thread, expectations vary wildly.

I'd want any lunch guests gone by 2 but others clearly find it rude to leave so soon.

If having friends over I make sure I set a clear end point by way of 'I need to collect DS from X' or 'I have an appointment at X' or 'my DD needs her nap'. Gives me an out and makes socialising easier for me to manage.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/11/2024 16:07

Relaxed Sunday lunch at home - probably 3-4pm (if eating as early as you are). Get yourself out of the way before dinner prep needs to start.

The whole point of going to lunch at someone's home is to spend time with them in a relaxed way during and after. Chat, let the children play etc.

SpoonHeader · 03/11/2024 16:07

I no longer invite people to the house due to people having different ideas about hosting.

I think meeting out and paying my own bill for what I consumed (not splitting it equally) makes life much better for me.

Musicaltheatremum · 03/11/2024 16:06

I went for lunch at 1.00 this year....we left at 7pm. Great afternoon and we still see the hosts and have been for lunch since when we left at 4.30pm

lottiegarbanzo · 03/11/2024 16:04

Lunch is served at 12.30pm and takes until around 1.30pm to eat? (Two courses, coffee or tea, chat) could take longer. Then you think about leaving an hour after finishing, so around 2.30 - 3pm? Ok.

BeMintBee · 03/11/2024 16:03

I think arriving an hour and half before is odd and 12.30 is a bit early. Personally for me I’d say arrive at 12.30 and then food around 1pm. Would probably anticipate people staying until 4ish maybe later.

TulipCat · 03/11/2024 16:00

I would normally expect to leave at about 3.30/4pm after lunch at someone's house. I think if you want people to leave right after lunch, it's better to meet in a restaurant instead. As PP have said, it's pretty rude to eat and then leave right away.