Page 10 | To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/11/2024 16:29

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:18

They invited themselves

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Oh, well, they're screwed up then. If they planned to arrive at 10 they were inviting themselves to morning coffee. This is your PILs, right?

LOL - I wrote this post before I saw yours saying it was your inlaws.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/11/2024 16:28

This is totally mad arriving for a single course lunch at 10/11am. I really wouldn't have a clue.

curlywurlymum · 03/11/2024 16:23

My BIL and wife + kids used to come for lunch (once unexpectedly arrived at 10 am ‘in case you need any help’ 😩) and would regularly leave around 9-9:30pm, sometimes even later. Our kids were exhausted, their kids would be put to sleep in our bedrooms and then woken up to go home etc. I got so sick of this that we completely stopped the invites over a year ago.

Windintrees · 03/11/2024 16:23

Sunday lunch is longer than Saturday or a weekday.
Perhaps “brunch” next time and explain that you are going out at 2 pm. Be enthusiastic and if needs be say “short and sweet”. Be very warm saying your goodbyes.

redskydarknight · 03/11/2024 16:22

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:18

They invited themselves

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Then you say "we'll give you some lunch, but you won't be able to stay long as we have things to do". And then at 1.30pm (or whenever) you start saying "nice to see you, I'll get your coat" rather than "hinting".

FergusSingsTheBIues · 03/11/2024 16:22

“Fancy a quick cup of tea before you go!”

works every time.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/11/2024 16:21

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 15:47

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

One hour? I'd struggle to get done in one hour even in a restaurant with a high turnover! I would be grossly offended if someone did an eat and run

ohtowinthelottery · 03/11/2024 16:20

So are they visiting from outside the area but staying elsewhere? (You said they're going home today)
In that case just ask them what time they're 'hitting the road'. At least then you'll know their intentions.

AutumnLeaves24 · 03/11/2024 16:20

Depends on the in-laws!!

but why can't you do whatever it is you need/want to do while they're there? Or say 'sorry, I have to walk the dog/get dinner ready/sort the kids uniforms out, so make yourselves comfortable (do you want the TV on, help yourselves to tea/coffee'. Etc.

BeMintBee · 03/11/2024 16:19

Ahh right slightly different then. I’d say invite for tea and cake at 2pm in future rather than lunch or have somewhere to be by 3pm next time.

My sister and boyfriend never took the hint it was time to go so we used to put shoes and coats on and put kids in the car and pretend to head out. Circled the block until the coast was clear and then came home!

my dad used to just close his eyes and pretend to sleep.

As it’s your in laws can you start to just potter “right going to pop some washing on and get stuff ready for the start of the week”

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:18

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/11/2024 16:18

If youre only going to be around 1-2 hours you don't need a meal, only a cup of tea. So of course you're expecting the to stay longer if you invite them
for a meal

Edited

They invited themselves

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/11/2024 16:18

If youre only going to be around 1-2 hours you don't need a meal, only a cup of tea. So of course you're expecting the to stay longer if you invite them
for a meal

GoldenLegend · 03/11/2024 16:17

The times when I have invited a group of friends for lunch, to start about 14.00, they left at midnight. If they'd gone much before then, I would have thought they weren't enjoying themselves!

StampOnTheGround · 03/11/2024 16:16

@purplebeansprouts then that's a completely different context than what you posted about, massive drip feed there!

If you always see them regularly then why invite them for lunch after seeing them the other 2 days. If they're only down for a weekend and it's less regular, then what a lot of people are saying probably still stands.

ReadingGladys · 03/11/2024 16:16

Really depends on context but I think it’s rude to leave straight after the meal. I’d normally invite people to eat a bit later and would assume they would be there until late afternoon (or even later!)

Not wrong to do it earlier but best to manage expectations eg tell them you have a commitment so sadly they’ll need to leave by X.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:15

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:14

He's been texting me regularly on the sly asking why they haven't left.

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Then you have a DP problem. Get him to turf them out.

CrushingOnRubies · 03/11/2024 16:15

For flyby visit suggest they pop in for a tea or coffee at 11am.

One course is a bit scrimpy somehow for a one off catch up lunch

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:15

Withtheday · 03/11/2024 16:14

Stand up, say its been lovely to see them but you have to be getting on with XYZ and how lovely it would be to do this again sometime. Then get their coats.

I have no problem telling people when its time for them to leave my house. I'd hate to feel I had overstayed my welcome, so I would much rather people behave as I do. Knowing that I am treating people as I would like to be treated means I have the self-assurance to so.

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Ooh bold! I like it. I'm going to do that

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Itabsolutelyispossible · 03/11/2024 16:14

My lunch guests are still here (it's after 4pm).

Clearly different families have different expectations!

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:14

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:13

That doesn't make it any better! You still invited them for lunch. What does your partner think about his/her Mum and Dad still being there?

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He's been texting me regularly on the sly asking why they haven't left.

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FumingTRex · 03/11/2024 16:14

Yes if my in-laws came for lunch i would expect thrm to stay til just before tea, inthink yabu here

Withtheday · 03/11/2024 16:14

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:09

How to we make them leave? We've hinted heavily.

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Stand up, say its been lovely to see them but you have to be getting on with XYZ and how lovely it would be to do this again sometime. Then get their coats.

I have no problem telling people when its time for them to leave my house. I'd hate to feel I had overstayed my welcome, so I would much rather people behave as I do. Knowing that I am treating people as I would like to be treated means I have the self-assurance to so.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 03/11/2024 16:13

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

They aren't my friends they are my inlaws

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That doesn't make it any better! You still invited them for lunch. What does your partner think about his/her Mum and Dad still being there?

Original poster

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:13

StampOnTheGround · 03/11/2024 16:13

I think now you've said it's the in laws I'd expect that they'd stay a bit longer and catch up even more.

We went out Friday night. Did a day trip with them yesterday and today they are meant to be going home

OP posts:

Screamingabdabz · 03/11/2024 16:13

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 16:12

They aren't my friends they are my inlaws

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Why so inhospitable?