To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

As I see it, it depends on how close you are to your guests/hosts. The closer you are, the longer you can stay, I'd say, as long as you read the situation and feel it's okay to. A 3-hour window would be alright, I guess.

OK, OP! We aren't mind readers! You have indeed drip-fed us all and you have indeed made yourself look like a poor host with no regard for their in-laws.

Forget the wine and dessert - Nobody should be hung-up on that!

You have presumed we knew the context of the situation, but then gone on to mention they aren't very nice, there are medical conditions, it's your in-laws and not friends, they are in a hotel, they make digs etc etc ...

Context from the start, OP!

Either way, you have presented yourself poorly. Your husband should be ashamed at treating his parents with such contempt. They won't always be around. What will he do when they are dead? What about the wake? "You've had your wake lunch now F* off!."

Unless you are ND, then I can see why you are behaving the way you are -perhaps-. You did mention medical conditions. Next time eat out and then you can all leave when you want. Stop hosting unless you're gonna get your act together.

I am late to this party but aren’t you meant to turn a broom upside down?
probably works even faster if you do it infront of them!!

All decisions depend on the context, the relationship and the people.

That's a good one, I'm using that one when the MIL won't leave after she's been here for a long weekend thats gone on for a fortnight.

I would say about 4 hours, same for lunch or dinner, that’s a good time to have food and good chats. X

Think it depends very much on the relationship.
I go to my parents for a cuppa and end up staying hours… I have friends who if you go there for a cuppa you stay an hour and then they start looking at their watch or dropping hints, so I know to drink the tea quick and leave…. I’ve got other friends who would be gutted if I didn’t stay 2 or 3 hours!
I think if you want them gone by a certain time it’s at to say ‘would you like to come for lunch?… if you arrive at (time) I’ll do lunch for (time) and then you leave at about (time) so I can dinner ready/get ready for Pilates/walk dogs etc !!

This.

Depends who the lunch was with and if copious amounts of alcohol were involved.

Wot no pudding?

I agree. Leave around 3.30/4 if lunch at 1.
Rude otherwise.

I don't even speak to my in laws. But if I did I wouldn't put a time on their visit. My home is their home if they want to pop in the can, if they want to join us for a meal they can, same applies for my mum n dad. I have cut offs for acquaintances not family or friends. I mean, then again I am happy to let you talk and my housing officer can easily spend 3 hours here. I often have workmen who would rather take the break in here then go out, if they are here when I cook they get fed if they are hungry. They get access to hot drinks or cold drinks as and when they want. I know others are different but I couldn't imagine turning anyone away really. If I'm pottering around my garden and the neighbour is. I get drinks for everyone not just for me. It's just how I was brought up. I honestly wish I could sit for a few hours with my in laws but it's their choice to isolate their son because they have very narrow views about people with autism been allowed to marry. They know I would let them in anytime but they chose not too. I could understand expecting someone you just met to leave by a certain time but this is your partner's parents they raised him.

Very rude to leave that early after all the effort they have gone to. 4ish is best

It depends on the nature of the people attending, the context and their relationships with each other.

I only wish I had parents and in-laws around to impose themselves on me, i would make the most of every minute. Some people just don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. Can’t imagine ever having been like this with my in-laws, and shame on DH being like that with his parents.

We don't have that in our culture we like our guests to stay as long as they want and we are hospitable in that time. Lunch then some tea and if they stay very very late some coffee.
If we say come at 5pm then we expect them around that time gove or take 30mins. Some times we have people stay until 12am/1am. It is very normal and we just cater to them and vice versa.

I wouldn't serve alcohol to any guest that was coming over for lunch unless it was a pre-arranged boozy lunch. Do you crack open a bottle of wine for lunch of a Saturday? I also wouldn't serve dessert or pudding for lunch (perhaps for dinner but again that might be the exception and not the rule).
Not everyone drinks alcohol and whether or not the OP or someone in her family has an issue with alcohol or that they are by choice (rather than necessity) a dry household still doesn't impact the guest overstaying their welcome.
Similarly, not serving pudding/dessert, well that might be down to dietary requirements such as diabetes or being on a weight loss plan and if the sweet treats aren't there to tempt you, you can't eat them! Still doesn't make someone a bad host.

I don't believe that @purplebeansprouts has drip fed throughout the thread.

There was enough information in the opening post to be getting along with and to make a decision on how long guests are expected/allowed/permitted/whatever to stay after a lunch has finished up and the hosts have cleaned up.

Could be making your day even longer

Jesus that even worse would defo not be shoving them out the door after that journey so quickly, even if they were coming for Brunch
You so obviously don't like them so why are you bothering just go no contact with them - as is the MN favourite

I really don't understand this flack for the 1 course lunch thing. I mean if my inlaws rocked up to my house and stayed for lunch whilst being uninvited, the last thing I would be doing is going to the shop for cake or scones or whatever 😂 also not everyone drinks to be able to offer alcohol, we don't generally have any alcohol in the house at all, nor do we have milk as 2 of us are dairy intolerant and the other one doesn't drink it. I ain't buying things for unexpected guests just to sit and go off on the off chance someone turns up.

It's not just hard it's so stressful waiting for the next cutting remark. Imagined slight if you do speak. It's exhausting and confusing for the children who really shouldn't be a witness to it.

There is no generic advice though.
.if you invite people round who you like and enjoy their company it's totally different to having people round out of duty.

The conversation must be pretty strained though isn't it? If you dislike people it's hard to make polite conversation.

Crikey op you've had some unnecessarily harsh responses imo, being called joyless, miserable, rude, a poor host (the whole how to be a good host rules remind me of my gm's story of arriving in England in the 1930's and being taught the British middle class ways)

Plus if nobody there eats pudding why bother offering one? For it to get binned? Then you'd be berated for food waste I imagine. It's nobody's business why you don't have alcohol in the house either 🙄