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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I just can’t do this job anymore?

36 replies

cannyyo · 03/11/2024 11:37

I have a 19 month old daughter and been back at work since she was one. I am a corporate lawyer and to be honest have only just about been keeping up with things since being back. I have to work late every weekend just to get the bare minimum done. I can’t stay late anymore as I have to collect dd from nursery before it closes. Then I have to be a mother which work don’t seem to get. I have time to do housework at weekend when dd is with her dad so that side of things is ok. But I just can’t cope with the pressure. I’m also feeling horrendous if I have to collect her with a temperature then have to explain myself at work etc. I’m the only one now in the team with a nursery age child. I honestly can’t sleep well and feel exhausted. As a single parent I can’t go part time. I feel terrified I am going to fuck up as I’m so exhausted all the time. I keep thinking should I call in sick for two weeks but then I would just be more behind and also look like a weak link. Just don’t know what to do

OP posts:
CalmBalonz · 03/11/2024 13:06

I wpuld look into flexible working and working from home policies and see if you can apply for them. Make sure you are in a union as well which I feel is imperative.

Milly16 · 03/11/2024 13:06

I suggest going in-house or getting a knowledge lawyer job. You need to prioritise stability and work life balance. You're going to need to get home at a decent time for the foreseeable future.

SunshineAndFizz · 03/11/2024 13:01

It's a really hard time OP, I've been there and it's so stressful to juggle it all. I used to dread seeing nursery calling my phone to say they needed picking up.

Firstly, it does get easier. It won't feel like this forever.

Secondly, the thing that helped me the most was to stop giving a fuck what people thought of me. Got to leave to pick the kids up - do it and don't give a moments thought what they think at work. Doing the bare minimum - so what, it's not forever. Tired - call in sick. Don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. Seriously, once you let go of the pressure you're putting on yourself you'll operate so much better. And I can guarantee no one actually cares as much about you as you think they do.

Original poster
cannyyo · 03/11/2024 12:58

To answer some questions…

He doesn’t have her every weekend, every other weekend.

i earn 58k. Don’t earn enough for a cleaner. Ex pays maintenance but it is the bare minimum of 245 a month. He pays for her things when with her. He can’t have her in the week as he works nights mostly and the shift pattern just won’t work

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 03/11/2024 12:55

What’s the situation with your DD’s dad and custody arrangements? He has her every weekend? Can you maybe change that somehow so you get some respite in the week from pick-up from childcare?

Do you live close to any family support, or if not, is it possible to move to get some?

What’s your career progression - will your salary go up making it easier (and is her dad paying what he should for child maintenance?) or do you think you might prefer a career change to something less stressful?

Didimum · 03/11/2024 12:54

How much do you earn, OP? And what does the child’s dad contribute?

Atomikkitty · 03/11/2024 12:51

Are you paid for being off sick? You really do sound frazzled so perhaps a week or two off to get yourself back on track would help? Something needs to change so make a list of any possible help you could ask for, parents/siblings/friends? If you could free up some cash for a cleaner for a few hours a week, could you relax and catch up on work while DD is out? Can her dad have her more or overnight so you get a rest? Something needs to give or you will make yourself ill x

Min133 · 03/11/2024 12:50

Something needs to give otherwise you're going to experience burnout. Don't do what I did and keep on going for 4 years then experienced a mental health crisis. No shame in getting signed off for a little while to give yourself some breathing space x

Original poster
cannyyo · 03/11/2024 12:48

@Atomikkitty thanks, I do have some flexibility but I can tell they don’t like it being used much as nobody else in the team has to. I can’t afford any additional help as even with some free hours I am crippled with the cost of childcare. I feel like every moment I am struggling to keep up either and home or at work, so unhappy.

OP posts:
Atomikkitty · 03/11/2024 12:46

Didn’t want to read and run OP. I’m a high street lawyer and after my first child I took about 2-3years to hit my stride again. That was with a supportive partner so I have no idea how you’re coping! Is there any flexibility re WFH or compressed hours? Can you get a cleaner or outsource some home stuff to make life easier? Sending a big hug.

Original poster
cannyyo · 03/11/2024 12:44

hopeful bump

OP posts:
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