To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

@YourRealBiscuit I think you can calmly say, “I don’t want ‘all your money’ for myself; I do want a roof over my head until I die and I think 14 years’ worth of my time and being Mum to our kids is worthy of that - and if we’d had to pay for childcare it would have been very expensive” something to make that point. It’s about value of contribution.

I'll say this again. It is much more complicated than - you're married, you get 50%, or you're not married and get nothing. It depends on the circumstances, whether there are children, and the law of the jurisdiction of the place people are in. For instance, laws differ in Scotland than from England &Wales. I think I'll have to unwatch this thread now because there are so many people posting as if they are legal experts when they aren't. To OP, good luck to you and your children.

He was 46 and you were 36 when you met. He just used you as a vehicle to bear his children. Hence, zero desire to marry you and have you in his will.

Unfortunately, a lot of women don't know this, then end up in a financially precarious position, just like the OP has.

It cuts both ways, though. If the woman is the higher earner it is in her interests not to be married.

Wow. It's 20 bloody 24 fgs. That's staggering.
I genuinely didn't realise that without marriage you would be left with nothing. Shocking.

I really hope you get sorted OP x

No. It depends on the law in the jurisdiction of the place the people involved live in and whether they are married or not.

No, because they aren't married. The OP isn't entitled to anything - not a sausage.

Marriage is a legal contract and offers various protections that cohabiting doesn't.

Apologies if this has already been addressed - I've only skimmed the thread....

Surely if you split up then you will be entitled to 50% of all assets....?

I completely agree @CarpetShampoo

You are assuming that young women will even want to date these kinds of men.

Let’s hope instead the marriage rate will go up, and births out of wedlock will go down!

A legally binding financial contract should be an opt in contract, based on an agreement and understanding of the implications. Not something people drift into by virtue of living together. Couples have a choice of marriage, civil partnership, or a personalised contract based on various other legal agreements around money, property and children. The law is perfectly clear.

Why are the laws outdated?

He should marry you for your own security because of the outdated laws in this Country!

Wonder how many young women are reading this thread. Might make the birth rate plummet a little bit more

@coffesaveslives is spot on - it shouldn't be by default, you should have the choice to live with someone with no legal ties if you want to as we have now.

The current system allows everyone to choose whether to enter into a contract or not, it's a positive choice.

How does it possibly trap women? They are trapped because they have no rights at the moment.

How on earth is it removing choice? It is giving women the choice of leaving if they want to. At the moment they are trapped because they would get nothing if they left the co-habiting.

It is not trapping, it is giving women freedom. I have no idea what you are talking about but I can't be bothered to argue with you as you are talking absolute rubbish and not making any sense at all. Bye.

@YourRealBiscuit I’ve been thinking about your situation lots, it’s just the unreasonableness of it all. As my Gran would have said, he’s ‘cut off his nose to spite his face’. If his fear was you having the benefit of any money after his death, surely detonating the family unit now will cost him more in the short term, that will be your revenge. I wish you well.

Good luck Op!

Women are waking up to this. Its why the birth rate is dropping

@YourRealBiscuit If he says you are "Grabby" you should point out HE IS GRABBY
He let you sacrifice your career and youth to incubate and raise HIS children and then is happy to let you become homeless when he dies.

You are NOT asking for money or anything now, you are asking for shelter / somewhere to live after spending a significan amout of your lives together and HE IS DEAD - (so cannot spend his money).
If he dies next week who does he expect to raise his children to adulthood?

To not make provision for you and to deliberately make you homeless is the most grabby, arseholey selfish, mysogenistic thing I have heard this week.

I also think this thread has got quite argumentative and for someone posting here for support this is likely to drive them away. We all make mistakes in relationships and I know some of mine were driven by a need for stability and security on the back of a difficult childhood. I learnt some hard lessons before realised that unless I created my own security I’d always be vulnerable.
Wishing @YourRealBiscuit a safe and happy future ahead. Maybe consider shared ownership scheme as some will often accept a 5% deposit. Also think outside the box as a home doesn’t have to be bricks and mortar. I bought a narrowboat when I left my previous partner. I still have my boat although I no longer live on her. The lifestyle was great with an amazing sense of community.

Oh dear, this is all becoming quite argumentative in a way I am not sure the OP, who is dealing with a distressing situation, would find helpful and may even find adds to her distress. Who among us has not made a decision they regretted with the benefit of hindsight. She has two children who I expect she is doing her best by while reeling from the difficult last couple of days. Arguing on here about whose fault it is and blaming OP for her predicament because she got pregnant before she frog-marched her partner up the aisle is not helpful. As my late Gran would say, and I know it's not always easy to do this, "if you can't say something nice or helpful, say nothing". I'm going to say my Gran had a point and wish the OP and her children well for the future.

@YourRealBiscuit I think you would be better just leaving right now! show him the consequences of his nasty actions. get a flat or house and take the children with you. He cannot stop you moving out. then contact csa and get maintenance from him sorted out for the children. just hanging round makes him think you are taking this lying down and he has won his horrible game.

100%.

FWIW, I agree he's been an arsehole, but the entire scenario is such a bunting of red flags that it can hardly come as a surprise.

There seems to be a running theme of women not wanting to take responsibility for their own choices. It's sad, imo.