To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

This man is absolutely determined that you do not feel secure, that is clear.

You need to wake up to that and start absolutely making sound provision for yourself.

Your job needs to be your priority and saving hard.

You do not want to be carer to this man, so start saving.

Women end up living in poverty because of situations like yours, so start thinking with your head.
You do not want to be a burden on your children 10 years from now.
Get organised and get saving.

The age gap between you will start to lengthen.
Of course he will expect you to be minding him.
Screw that!

Has he had any proper - and recent - advice about this?

If he leaves it to the children but you are entitled to stay in it, that could cause them other issues. Of course they have an asset but unless their mother leaves the family home and sells they are likely to face a much higher tax bill on whatever they buy as they'll be second home owners.

There are also two? (more than one) Of them so if one is still living at home and the other wants the cash and to buy their own place it sets up further trouble.

If it's a big five bed detached then obviously downsizing options are available.

If it's a small three bed terrace on a busy road then less so.

I think wanting to pass assets to your children is okay in itself but it has to be in sensible ways and so that you are not having to sell the family home while all grieving - and that leaves appropriate provision for you. And in a partnership you should be able to discuss that properly.

Otherwise you'd be better leaving him now while you still have children and qualify for much more in housing, benefits etc.

This codicil has the effect of giving you assets worth the price of the house. If you have your own house and die within 7 years - the tax consequences will be terrifying.

Yup, whether married or unmarried, never become financially dependent on a man or you will be fucked.

This is not a leave situation ffs

He has allowed her to live rent free in his home

She has not answered the question if he is tight in general - which means he isn’t because she would have said

Looks like he pays the bills - has been supporting op when she wasn’t in work etc -

Maybe he feels she has been lazy?

I mean this conversation should of been had years ago

Fair enough she was raising his children so there was harm done to her career however his generosity in not demanding she return to work and pay half needs to be considered

My heart sinks reading this. People can be very stubborn. Is there no one both you and your partner trusts to speak to him about the reality you will be facing if he doesn't make some provision for you? It isn't as though your children are not going to inherit from you is it? So if the house goes via you it will still end up with your joint heirs?
A friend of mine's neighbour was in a similar situation to you, except there was a son from a previous relationship. The older partner died leaving everything to his 2 sons. The neighbour was evicted by both her and the other son with such indecent haste it was heartbreaking to watch. She went away for a few days, not unreasonable as she'd lost her long term partner of 20+ years, when she came back the furniture her 'children' hadn't wanted was in the front garden. She now lives in one bed in a shared house at 60, a few suburbs away. No longer near her friends nor church. Eking a living with a part time retail job. That's the reality of a situation like yours.
Also I would get on the property ladder asap. Saving don't hold their value like property does. Use your Lisa towards a deposit and get a mortgage with a view to renting and then living in. Buying something now will be cheaper than buying in the future.
Really invest time and energy to sorting your future out NOW. And if your partner needs to step up with the child care, so be it. You really need to prioritise yourself now before it's too late. You'll also show your partner you mean business and that this is v important for you. Might shake him up a bit, but don't bank on it 😞
Good luck

I'm sorry, but you are well and truly screwed here, especially if you continue to stay with him. He doesn't care about your welfare or security, even after having his children and being his 'partner', which would make me question whether he truly loves you.

Why do you stay?

This is why you can never rely on a man to support you.

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.
that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

If that happens, perhaps you could stay in the house with your daughter and pay your son rent - drip-feed his inheritance until you're either in a position to buy your own house or (sorry) you die..

I think the only way you’ll recover anything from him at all is if you leave now while the kids are young. Regardless of anything, forget the money and practicalities for a moment - do you actually want to be with someone who thinks so little of you?? It’s terrible.

You have no rights, you cannot push for this or anything much. You would think he would want to do the right thing.

Many years ago my partner asked what would happen if he died before me. Having previously given it some thought I told him, i wouldnt be able to attend his funeral. I'd be very lucky if i got a week to pack and leave. Back then it was 9 years of stuff, now its many more years and a large house to go through to find my stuff. However I do own my own house, and it wouldn't be too difficult to get back in it. He added a codicil to his will, I can live there as long as I like, but when I move out it's to be sold and split between his children. Which will give me time to grieve and pack and move properly, not in a rush and missing things.
I wont be able to afford to run this house alone for long and all I ever wanted was a bit of time. The codicil gives me that time.

He has a 400k house and 400k in savings. So 800k in total. The house should be sold with you getting enough to buy a flat outright and the rest going to your kids. If they would have a problem with “only” getting 250k inheritance then I don’t know what to say really.

@YourRealBiscuit THE real worry for you would be if your partner died and your son, at 18 is legally allowed to be on title deeds, and he majorly falls out with you and tosses you out of the house!! that is not outwith the realms of possibility!! your partner is being a nasty twat! have you actually considered leaving him now while the kids are young?? you have spent years bringing up his children and he doesnt care!

In addition to all of this it is your daughter's inheritance that would be used up first on care fees etc. Your children are potentially being treated very very unequally here irrespective of what the situation is at this precise moment in time. You would be the one around to watch the fall out and damage to their relationship. As well as seeing you provided for why on earth would he not split their inheritance straight down the middle of everything?

Would you feel that way about your mum and dad? That your mum is taking your inheritance? Of course not, you are thinking about this in the wrong way. X

My god what a wanker. Also while the cash and house are worth equivalent now, it’s likely the house will be worth a lot more than the cash in 20 years time so he’s being unfair to your daughter.
He genuinely sounds like an awful person but as you are not married, it’s hard and as you’ve never paid a mortgage on his house, you’d have no claim to it either. I can’t believe he’d put you in this position - it’s honestly shocking and verging on evil. He’s taken advantage of you in a massive way, getting you to raise his family and then leaving you with nothing.
Legally there is nothing you can do apart from gathering evidence for a possible failure to provide claim under the Inheritance Act. Hopefully cohabitation law will be reformed at some point - your case is a prime example of how unfair the current law is and how it mainly benefits men.
If you can get on the property ladder, even a small flat, please try to.

Reluctantgarderner · Today 09:42

Just a thought, If he ever needs care his house and money would be used for that , Money would go first ie not fair on his daughter. , Yes he’s only 50 but things do happen and if he’s lost capacity he wouldn’t be able to change his will.
We have an arrangement where both of us can live in our home for the rest of our lives (or rent it out ) but the deceased’s half is left to children . Would he consider something similar? You live there for the rest of your life but house belongs to kids?
In your position I wouldn’t be happy at all and would be looking to buy my own property.

He's 60, she's 50.

The OP is 50 now so she can't pay any more money into her LISA which is a real shame because the 25% bonus is great.

She would be better off talking to a financial advisor to work out where is best to save her money at this late stage in life. She hasn't mentioned a pension so I'm going to guess she doesn't have one.

Don't buy a flat to rent out. You will be lucky if the rent covers the mortgage payments and you will be heavily taxed on the rental income. Save up until you can get a small flat to live in. I suppose the dc will have to stay with their dad.

Without marriage a gift into trust is taxed on its way in and on its way out. A trust to partner of £400k with £400k to kids would be an immediate tax charge of £190k. So kids get £220.

Would be no additional tax on partners death so long as they had no substantial assets (ie inheritance). The allowances here would be £500k

Great advice from @Lovelock1984 you must save as much as you can for your future. You would be homeless if he died. You must get legal advice too. He is showing he doesnt care for you….

Cold? Him planning to leave you homeless is cold.

It won't be okay at all and will likely cause resentment between them. Why is he not choosing to at least treat them equally? He is clearly either unkind or unintelligent based on his intentions. I think I know which is the more likely, though it is possibly both.