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How to not get into an argument with in laws today- re new job

32 replies

gaseh · 03/11/2024 08:20

I'm trying to prevent an argument today.

My in laws can be quite opinionated and also pretty much don't recognise how hard I work with 2 kids and my husband never being home because of his work.

They never acknowledge that it must be hard for me to cope completely alone most of the time and make unhelpful comments frequently.

I had to quit my job a few months ago because I had burn out. My job was 100 percent home based, aside from occasional travel abroad for a few nights. I have two young kids who are very clingy and it was hard for me. In laws always commented how I need to ' quit job ' ' find something else ' as it's ' not appropriate '. It annoyed me and my husband that they made these comments. I did quit but I really just needed to stay out of work for a while. MIL did comment that I should just ' find a part time job and ' not working isn't good either '. Which also pissed me off. I just don't need her judgements. Part time jobs are hard to come by in my industry and will basically be less money, with the same responsibilities anyway. It's not worth it.

Now I have a new job, which requires some time in the office every week. I know they'll say ' how are you going to do it, with the kids ? ' and ' is this really appropriate ? '.. what I really want to say is ' your son needs to pull his finger out and carry his weight more and that's how '. But I know this will also cause an issue. So I'm not sure how to shut them down, in a polite way that won't cause friction? Can you help ? I find it difficult.

OP posts:
Awrite · 03/11/2024 08:23

So, instead of saying 'your son needs to ...', say 'your son is ....'

Frame it as him wanting to spend more time with the kids.

Or, don't tell them.

Falseshamrok · 03/11/2024 08:23

“I’d rather not discuss it”
”yes it’s fine, so Brenda how’s life with you…”
”all going fine thanks. How’s your weekend been”

VoteDappy · 03/11/2024 08:23

Why do you think they have the right to question your decisions and that you owe them an answer?
Don't engage
Reply
" it's going well, thanks for asking" to every single question

Broken record technique

Spagettifunctional · 03/11/2024 08:23

Oh my god - do you need to see them? I would t be overly involved with them to be honest. Way too opinionated.

DaisyCottonClock · 03/11/2024 08:22

We'll manage together, because we have too, unless you're volunteering to pay our mortgage?

Said with a breezy smile

purplebeansprouts · 03/11/2024 08:22

Could you say something like "it's sweet of you to worry but don't worry I've got this". Kill it with kindness. If that doesn't work go nuclear

Gizlotsmum · 03/11/2024 08:22

Do they need to know that detail? Be vague or tell them it is all sorted between you