Childcare costs

I think you need to accept if you’re both doing full on jobs with no option to stagger you need a nanny and will be paying a premium for that.

We just about managed two London commutes with just nursery and after school club but it meant one of us doing very early starts with the other one doing drop-off and the first person finishing at 4pm to get back in time. Not every job will allow that flex and we were stretching it to the brink. I ended up scaling back my role as two lots of commutes and stressful jobs were killing us. You likely need a nanny if you can’t stagger your starts/have to do the long hours but at some point you need to think about whether it’s worth it. If you’re on a path to mega money then it may well be but if you’re not earning a lot then it feels like a hefty price when primary years are often cheaper.

I trust OP knows the ins and outs of her arrangements with her nanny.

The nanny isn’t a supermarket shop- any savings in her hours worked and therefore her salary would likely mean OP is looking for a new nanny. If it suddenly became apparent my employers had decided I cost them too much and expected me to reduce my rate or contracted hours they’d be in receipt of a resignation letter sharpish. Or it would be a redundancy situation but this has to be done properly unless you want a tribunal on the cards.

It’s normal. Perhaps toddler goes to nursery as well would save some nanny fee.

One thing I have gathered from this thread is that it’s more socially acceptable to drop your kids off when it’s still dark out for breakfast club and to pick them up exhausted and tired from after school club when it’s dark out (in the winter) than to have a qualified childcare professional bring them home at 3pm and take care of them until 7pm whilst mum is in another room on calls working.

Well yes I think most people would find it more acceptable to drop their kids off at 8am breakfast club and pick them up at 5pm than have a nanny look after them either side of the school day from 7am-7/8pm. Even the parents using the maximum wrap around their school provides will still see their children for 3 or 4 more hours a day than you.
It’s strange for you, in your position, to be criticising other parent’s childcare choices and trying to paint yours as more preferable.

Childcare is expensive but childcare for 13 hours a day is crazy high compared to the norm so yes your costs will be very high.

Fair enough - although it comes to the same thing in a lot of ways, though at least it isn't an additional cost. You have chosen a school which has added a degree of complication and difficulty to your lives and has meant more complex and expensive childcare arrangements, and you had your reasons, no doubt, but it is an active choice you have made. Btw, there is no evidence base for homework in primary so your kids can just... not do it if that's a significant issue. I'm surprised at a state primary setting daily homework anyway.

Probably not helpful as your circumstances sound very particular but, for reference here's what we do with 2 full time demanding roles. We have a toddler and a primary aged kid.

Primary kid:
I WFH x3 each week. He is at home with me in the morning and I take him to school for 8:45am then rush back and log on.
On my office days I need to be out by 7:30am for commute. He does breakfast club those days 7:30-8;50.
He does after school club 3:15-6pm most days (GPs do pick up once). I try to collect at 5:30 where my schedule allows though, and he comes home and chills whilst i finish emails or meetings.
Monthly fees are around £250ish

Toddler:
Nursery based pre-school - 7:30-6pm.
Don't qualify for 30hrs funded, but get the universal 15hrs now he's turned 3. Monthly bill is around £1,100-1,200.

I know you said kids didn't like after school club, but it'd make a big dent in those costs if they went instead of Nanny. My child now sees ASC as an extended play date and he's made lots of friends with kids in other year groups as a result.

Times have changed- this was a long time ago, pre Brexit. Au pairs aren’t even allowed to be responsible for babies.

You remember that Brexit thing?

1. A Scandinavian person no longer has the legal right to work in the UK.
2. "Pocket money" arrangements are now illegal. "Au pairs" are entitled to a minimum of the legal minimum wage, minus a small amount for accommodation.

There is no longer any such thing as an au pair. There are only live-in nannies who already have a UK RTW.

I had a baby, 2 year old and 4 year old without a problem at 19. Could not do that today at 45.. you have so much energy when you're young. And I loved it but then I love kids in general. It also made me feel really grown up. Perfect gap year before going to uni.

I was an aupair a long time ago and I used to drive all children to school and activities. So did everyone else. I think it's your best option, you just need to find the right one.

OP has already explained that the hours she requires, and all the differing needs of 3 small children, is too much for an au pair. Generally an au pair is supposed to learn English whilst pitching in with a bit of childcare, not work a 50 hour week and be solely responsible for multiple children. Like a mutually beneficial cultural experience for a bit of pocket money, not slave labour.

Why don't you take in an aupair? It's cheap in comparaison and with the right person you could make a friend for life. I would get one from a scandinavian country where gentle parenting has been the norm for a long time.

Just to reassure you that being home after school in their own environment is a really great thing for kids. Afterschool clubs are great and an amazing resource but if you can manage to get them home after school, then it does make a difference I think. Yes with a parent might be better but if that’s not possible, home to play with their own toys, in your own house and dinner at a time that suits Them is really great. They can do play dates at home or stop in the park or just curl up on the sofa and watch tv. My kids have had this and it’s been fabulous for them. Bonus if you work from home sometimes and can pop in for an hour if you have a cancelled meeting or let the nanny go home early if you finish up sooner than expected. And a trusted nanny is a great thing so penny pinching just to save a couple of £££ doesn’t make sense (unless you really have to obviously!) as it can back fire badly.

That your kids' school is a drive away tells me you've gone private. In which case... I don't know what you want people to say. You've chosen a particular lifestyle with very high costs. These are the consequences. You can cut back and make changes, or you can live with it.

I work in the City and there were a number of years when I basically made no money by going to work, it all went on childcare and commuting costs. Plus it was stressful to manage a full time role and the mum guilt.

We used nursery 3 days ago week and then did a combination of flexing hours, taking turns wfh and grandparents. We also found a wonderful childminder who'd collect from school and we'd pick up from hers at 6.30.

It's incredibly difficult to juggle a full-time, high pressure role and childcare un this country. But it's only for a few years and then it gets better

@LawyerMumAsia you are not being unreasonable. It’s really hard. Also I bet you are having to add the mental logistics of any possible change to your already crammed mental load. I really hope that works picks up and you build up some goodwill/ get a permanent contract that affords you a bit more flex, I know how valuable that is.

We will be in a similar situation once our child starts primary and at the moment are planning on using after school clubs for the days we both need to be in the office however I do have the luxury of working 8-4 those days so even with a commute can get back reasonable hours.

I don’t really have any advice but would choose the option that gives you the most breathing space, reliability and flexibility (which I think would mean keeping the nanny?). You/ your partners earnings could increase quite rapidly over the next few years presumably so you can catch up on savings.

You’re right. It’s so important to think long term. I think holding on to the job and riding it out is probably not a bad idea as I will probably be earning more in the future. Alternatively if I drop out now for a few years it will be hard to catch up to where I was

This has been my experience. My DC are 13 and 16 now (Y8 and Y11). When they were babies, I worked 3 days a week; when the youngest started school, 4 days, and now I compress full time hours into 4 days. By staying in work I've kept up my NI and pension contributions, professional skills and professional registration, solve had the agility to apply for opportunities when they arose at times that my family and I were ready to move on.

I have no doubt that paying nursery fees for 2 for 18 months made no short term economic stave, but over the longer term, I'm 2 grades higher that I was 10 years ago, and have doubled my salary. I'm also on our standby rota.

We only ever used nursery. I'm in a profession that doesn't expect the massive hours that law/finance too, and am employed by a public body that has championed flexible working for 25 years. My only constraint has been early starts (civil engineer, site hours often start at 8 am) but these were much easier for dh and I to muddle through than late finishes.